hmms.. couldn't sleep well last night keep tossing and turning around on the bed.. while the rest were snoring away in the ops room..

i don't know what time it was when i finally fell asleep.. but i woke up only at about 12+pm.. hahas its the only treat we can give ourself during duty.. to wake up later then 7am during the weekends duty..

hais.. i had a dream again.. and i didn't wanted to wake up.. some people says it takes the same amount of time you spend in the relationship to recover from it.. i don't know how true it is.. i only know shes the 2nd girl i wanted to spend my whole life with.. and the first to last over a year..

its a the first time im experiencing this kind of pain.. losing your other half after almost 3yrs.. really unimaginable...

sighs have to wash away all these emotions and be ready to work again tmr.. its dangerous to drive with a mind full of thoughts.. i've almost had an accident before due to it..

today i feel really dreaded.. i cant even think or type what im going through here.. as if my brain is giving itself some kind of drug to disable my feelings and thoughts.. my face sure look no different from a statue now.. emotionless? haha.. sounds stupid..

i don't know how shes doing, she just left me alone.. a day maybe 1 or 2 messages average? sometimes 0.. is this how fast girls can change and adapt?

why is it girls always prefer to be with bastards and some can even forgive those who had cheated on them.. what had i done to deserve this death penalty?..

i feel that i don't understand girls anymore.. is it because i haven been hanging out with girls to understand them better or is it because i don't know how to love them anymore..

i feel so lost again...

anyway i think this will be the last post till next weekend? cause during weekdays cant really use the office computer..

im going to stop here for now, need to go toilet.. stamachache again ><

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:12 PM