sighs now in project room.. got CSA lecture but too lazy to go.. hee... 3pm then go for INT lab.. cos got trial labtest.. next week is the actual labtest liaos..

hais.. so stress lor nowadays.. and i havent been sleeping well at all.. whenever i close my eyes i will just start dreaming of craps.. and i can even feel that im dreaming.. i duno how to describe this feeling.. overall it just means that im not sleeping even when im actually sleeping.. arghs..

so really very tired.. isit becos too much emotional + stress + thoughts recently?.. my mind just couldnt take a good rest..

sighs..

sheena is comin back next week! wow.. time flies =).. aniway yea bad things had happened in her life too.. so shes meeting me when she come back to talk about them.. sighs.. shit really happens in life..

sighs next week is the last week of sch.. then is Common test week lerh! gosh.. so thats why i say very stress...

and CSA and INT module both has mini project to do.. arghs!!..

siann..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:51 PM

hmm the guys just left my house lol.. zhenning and benson.. while benjamin went home earlier.. lol zhenning and benson was watching "Final Call" on my com.. hehes.. funny at how they manage to turn a horror movie into a comedy.. lols!.. nowadays it seems as if theres no movie that can really make u feel totally horrified.. isit becos we're all older now?..

all i know is Ju-on and The Ring did freak me out when it just started showing in the movies.. but now it seems like all the horror movies arent that great as before.. hmm....

aniway today been a real tiring day..

especially the project.. oh god man.. i wouldnt like to talk about it now cos its endless.. all i can say is.. 1 silly mistake.. and boo! all the hardwork gone down the drain.. now i got to redo alot of thing.. sighss.. nevermind.. just gotta burn OT le loh hahas..

well today Yuriko was being really sweet.. she was saying shes gona drive down to meet me or shd i say accompany me.. just becos im feeling down.. well she isnt staying anywhere near me :x.. and she actually checked the street directory to find out on how to come to my house.. gosh.. its really touching.. and well cos shes the first girl that says shes gona drive down to find and accompany me.. aww so sweet rite.. thats why i felt that her bf is really lucky to have her as a gf..

sighs..

okies ima go get some rest now.. tmr havin morning lesson.. and yea i have to do my lab asisting again tmr.. so well kinda gona be a long day too.. awwie..

friendster's horoscope for the day..

The Bottom Line
Relationship issues will come to the forefront today. Re-evaluate what is going on.

In Detail
Relationship issues will come to the forefront today, when it feels as though someone may be holding you back from happiness. Evaluate what is going on, and ask yourself if this is a positive partnership for you. As long as you are happy with who you are and where you're going together, you're doing fine, and this is just an unpleasant phase. But if you keep asking for things to change and you're not being heard, it's time to sit down and have an honest heart-to-heart.

good night and sweet dreams!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:50 AM

well zhenning, benjamin and benson just left my house not long.. thanks to benjamin for treating us dinner.. that was nice.. been so long since we really treat each other to a meal ever since the old Mhss days.. quantity and quality doesnt count here.. but its the friendship that really meant alot..

im glad that after so many years.. we're still together.. and thanks to them well i felt much better now.. or else i prolly still stucked with my depression.. sighs.. thanks to the others that had been talkin to me and showing concern..

oh well.. did talked with benjamin about bgr when i was in his car after he sent zhenning and benson home from my house.. he also encounter similar fate as i did.. he told me his gf just broked up with him 2 weeks ago.. and they had been together for about 8mths.. he was so depressed that he had depression and yea he really almost killed himself.. i totally understand his stand.. dun worry ben.. im sure after afew months u will feel better.. sighs..

believing the fact that devoting ourselves into a r/s we will be able to work out everything.. placing our whole heart in and such.. though we might not be perfect but at least we showed every single bit of sincerity.. but watever.. aniway we also conclude that.. we will NEVER believe in girls anymore.. all girls are the same.. with their pack of lies.. nothing but lies... watever promises they made will be broken sooner or later... we gave them our heart.. and all the did was treating us like fools and toyed with us.. watever... and in the end they will just turn the table on u and blame it on u.. forget it.. we guys seriously starting to have enough of this crap.. aniway i dont need to elaborate any further..

well when they're at my house.. i was showing them The Grudge 2.. the english version of Ju-on 2.. lols.. it was funny.. after that i showed them "An Inconvenient Truth" its really very meaningful as it talks about global warming by Al Gore the former Vice President of the USA.. I seriously will advise my friends to catch hold of this movie which actually is more like a documentary.. because its really meaningful and its something in reality.. and its something we humans should understand and do before its too late.. but i understand humans are selfish.. thats why as long as they're fine today.. they wont bother about it.. thats life.. but seriously i cant imagine hows the world going to be like in the next 50 - 60years.. u might think ohh i would be dead by then.. but wat IF u're still alive to see all the nasty changes in the once familiar planet u onces knew?..

think about it.. watch it with your heart and feel the urgency that Mr Al Gore is trying to bring across the world..

lastly like to thanks the guys for spending time with me at my place.. indeed made me felt better..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:17 AM

Friendster Horoscope for November 27, 2006

The Bottom Line
People will move at their own pace today. Accept this, and you'll be happier.

In Detail
Today, despite the pressures around you, people are going to move at the pace they feel most comfortable at -- and that's that. The sooner you get comfortable with this fact, the happier you will be. Enjoy this slower route to your goal, and you will realize that what was meant to be was meant to be. Dealing with a delay in your schedule will be easier if you focus on other projects or visit with other people, so get in touch with a few folks you miss.

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:47 AM

felt quite sickened by wat i wrote in the previous post after reading thru it.. aniway now i just wana be alone.. hp's offed.. i just wana be alone.. duno how long this will last...

but its just the eruption of depression from all the hurts and misery that had built up in my emotion since August..

i tried my best to be strong already.. but obviously.. i failed..

i hate pubs.. and not to forget some fcking bitch stole my wristband on friday morning.. its nothin expensive.. but why she want it thats the problem.. to set a curse on me?.. i duno.. seriously many pple in the circle of nightlife has very doubtful motives.. and u will never anticipate wat they might be thinking...

as for now.. my hp will be offed..

i need some peace.. no more going out as well... my common test are also around the corner and also my project isnt completed.. still has afew project reviews coming up..

take care to all my friends..

aniway life wouldnt be any difference to u all without me..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:50 PM

just get out of my bed.. guess wat.. i've been sleeping since sat 3pm+.. im really too tired.. and feeling totally lifeless.. yet again im feeling confused, lost etc..

had alot of missed calls and sms last night.. asking me to go mu and also my sec sch friends asking me to meet up.. im sorry guys.. but even if im awake i guess i still wouldnt go out.. i just need to be alone..

didnt expect that i will be spending my weekend like this.. sighs.. im tired.. wo zhen de hao lei.. for the next week or so i prolly be staying at home.. wouldnt be going out.. sick and tired of everything.. before i get a breakdown i better stay at home and rest..

it seems like everything was just a dream.. a fairytale.. isit a blessing that i've met you or just something i shouldnt had done..

i've been abusing myself for the past weeks.. drinking and smoking.. wtf am i doing...

hurts is wat i get in life..
whats the point of being alive?
just who am i waitin for?
i HATE!!!!
anger and sorrows is wat i eat..
tears is wat i drink......
im really sick and tired...

im just like a guppy living in a tank filled with fighting fish.. fuck this shit!! KNNBCCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I A GUPPY??????

as i write on i feel so much pain and agony.. so well im going to stop here.. many things arent wrote out here becos they're meant to be kept secret.. some people might be able to guess..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:36 PM

in project room now.. sighs hasnt been bloggin veri much nowadays.. too tired.. and well something wrong with my home PC keyboard.. zZz.. starting to go haywire.. guess its wat im thinking..? duno..

aniway.. last night i went to MOS and MU.. went MOS actualli cos my classmate jio me there weeks ago.. and they also got the tickets for me.. its some free event thingy whereby if u got the tickets u go in for free.. i also duno much in detail cos its my friends whom invited me..

sighs asked if she wana join me there.. then she scolded me dam jialet.. say i broke my promise.. she said i told her we'll be going MU.. yea i did but that time she didnt gave me a striaght answer so i didnt knew she's confirmed.. sobs.. sighs after she gave me a hell of a scolding i really speechless.. cos i felt totally lost and confused.. guess im just not sensitive enough towards her actions etc thats why i didnt know..

well in order to make both side happy i accompanied my poly friends thru the crazy long que at MOS.. and onces i step into MOS i told my friends i go le.. well at least this isnt counted as pangseh mah.. if u think well enuff u noe wat i mean.. aniway they got alot of friends there also.. minus me also wont make a big difference.. and that someone is more important..

i took a cab down to MU and it was almost 12am.. waited awhile then she called me and ask me to get her 2 sticks of mentos mint.. so i went to 7-11 and got it for her..

...
....skipped
.....

well she drank alot.. obviously i can see that she isnt in a good mood.. but she doesnt let me takecare of her.. sighs.. later on she went to stage and dance i was so scared that shes gona fall down.. so i kept my eyes on her and standing right below her.. afew times she almost fell lucky i grab her.. sighs.. she just made my heart jump like nuts..

sighs.. feeling so messed..

recently shes really not in a good shape.. really worried about her..

and oh yea she bit me yesturday omg.. real bite!! lucky i wore jacket else i think bleed liao.. both my arms now got big blue black sobb.. the first girl to give me such a big blue black!! sighs.. sometimes she can be so sweet and lovely.. at times she can just be so attitude and hurting towards me.. sighs..

im really lost..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:40 PM

sighs so tired today.. woke up at 8am cos of my alarm.. ate breakfast etc.. but went back for a nap until near 10am then go sch..

perhaps due to the 2 hrs sleep on sunday.. im really worn out..

sighs.. yst night didnt slept well either.. was really stressed with today's SP review.. mines at 3pm.. die lerhs lor..

aniway just nw i called someone to wake her up for work.. in the end found out tat she didnt like to be awakened.. im sorry i wont do it again.. sighs felt really terrible after that.. until now i still feel so...

sighs my heart hurts..

...
....
.....
......

well and jace u're still the same as before a friend to me.. i dont know why u will be so sensitive.. well that night i was really tired and in a bad mood.. and yea i am aware of it.. and i already told u all about it..

hope u wont anyhow think and add on to my stress and problems that i'm already facing now..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:25 PM

sighs.. now feeling kinda lost, empty and tired..

zhenning just called me just now.. ask me to join them at vivocity for movie..

-end- no mood to write much..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:52 PM

sighs just wake up nt long kinda overslept.. was expecting dad to wake me up like usual when he needs me to help him at work but he nv wake me up in the morning.. sighs still say he need me to help him at work.. sighs aniway its my bad.. shouldnt had hung out till so late in the morning when i knew i had to help my dad at work.... sighs...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:07 PM

just came back from cine after watching colic with sonic, wugui, xiaofeng, kelvin, joey and jace.. well i duno who organized it.. but since sonic already bought my ticket i just went down after my driving theory lessons at BBDC..

all i can say is im dead tired.. well mood wasnt good at all due to my dad.. scolding me just becos i go home late etc.. and he wans me to go help him out at his office later in the morning.. so freaking last min.. sighs.. so well just now basically i wasnt being very pleasant...

and well about the movie colic.. i would say its quite scary.. but well mostly is suspenses.. and i hate the music and those sudden noises.. just make ur imagination run wild..

sighs.. and well emily buddy seem to be having some problem lately.. and shes shutting herself off from everyone.. i cant do anything becos she said she wana be alone.. so i just hope she will be fine asap..

and yea sorry yun mei as i've nt contact u for quite awhile.. been busy with sch work during weekdays and when im free im always out etc.. aniway i guess u're also busy with ur work life and settling down at ur new house so well thats why i didnt realli contact u.. hehe aniway hope u and the handsome guy getting along well =)..

as for ling.. its been like 2weeks? since we've seen u.. hope to see u soon =)..

kk ima go bath and sleep liaos..

byes!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:06 AM

sighs.. now in campus library.. fcking sian! no class till 1pm..

was trying to finish the board design for the next project.. but seriously its pissing me off.. cos i was editing the lib file of a voltage regulator 78L05 becos my supervisor wants me to modify the pins.. then it somehow screw up the whole shemetic and board.. now im kinda stuck with this problem! arghs..

EAGLE Version 4.16r1 Copyright (c) 1988-2006 CadSoft

Electrical Rule Check for C:/Documents and Settings/NPNet/Desktop/FYP Documents/PHY Optics/PHY Optics.sch at 16/11/2006 11:08:07a

ERROR: Sheet 1/1: unconnected INPUT Pin: NC TP

Pins/Pads with different connections:

Part Gate Pin Net Pad Signal

IC1 1 GND GND GND
IC1 1 IN +9V IN
IC1 1 OUT N$1 OUT

ERROR: Board and schematic are not consistent!

2 errors
0 warnings

ERROR: Board and schematic are not consistent

sucks lor.. args screw tat error.. sibei sian!.. got to slowly figure out how to fix that shit up error.. hate troubleshooting... arhs..

on the other hand i got to faster prepare myself for the coming project review which is set on next tuesday 3pm.. gosh! i really hope i dont screw it up...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:09 AM

time flies.. its almost 11pm already.. and yeah its time for me to go sleep too since i havent got enuff sleep yesturday..

well abt my parents thingy i dun wana care already.. just live my life the way it should be..

aniway since im gona sleep early i cant wait till 14/11/06 12am liaos..

so well i say now first lol..

Happy 20th Birthday Benson..

hope u enjoyed kBox tat night.. sadly i couldnt make it for dinner that night.. next time then u treat me lols!!..


Our group photo! Taken on benson's advance birthday celebration on 11/11/06!
Nice picture guys! lolx! and i cant stop laughing at my funny expression hahas!


And yeah! my birthday present for you benson! haha
a 1kg Swensen's Blackforest ice cream cake! hehes..
well didnt got time to shop for a proper present the other day
so well since i heard that no one got a cake for u tat night so yea i got it for u..
hope u liked it haha.. u eat until all the coco powder on ur pants lmao!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:57 PM

just another boring day in school.. well im quite tired in the morning but now kinda feeling alright le.. sighs i only slept for like 3hrs+..

last night im feeling quite messy.. just couldnt get to sleep too.. well parents got up at 3am+ and realised that im still awake so yeah i got a scolding from them cos yea i had school today at 8am..

sighs.. so well i was feeling kinda pissed when they scolded me.. they dont even know that im feeling sad or watever.. all they see are facts and they dont ever try to understand me.. some people say this is care and concern.. but to me.. its really something i hate.. if they really care abt me they shd support me and understand me better.. i dont ask for much.. i dont even need them to pamper me or wat..

just be more understanding? instead of saying the same old things and facts.. when i see people who has parents that really care for them and understand them i really envy them.. esp those who can even share with their parents abt their personal problems and feelings.. but for me i can never do that.. not that i never try before.. i did.. but they will always see things base on FACTS.. and dont ever try to understand why im feeling that way and such.. i will always end up getting blamed and scolded when i was hoping they could give me some advise or comfort.. so as time goes by i never communicate with them anymore...

sighs.. aniway now in project room.. just had my lunch not long ago.. i've got lots of work to do man cos next week is review le.. hais..

life's getting stressful and busy each on going day.. but i've got to cope with it..

sighs.. ok i will blog more when im home.. now in class so cant really type much...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:03 PM

sighs..

i cant believe that im still waiting for you..
hoping..
for your return..
why?..
cos i really love you..

why is it that
everytime when i want to move on u will reappear in my life and make me unable
to move on..

every word is a prick to my heart..
every sentence & sight brings back memories..

but now i noe all along im just being foolish and stupid..
becos u've already moved on long ago..
long forgotten about wat u've said and promised..
you've long ago thrown me into the past memories of urs..

its ok..
i dun blame u..
becos everyone have their rights to choose..

thanks for all the past memories u've given..

i sincerely wish u all the best with ur new love..
hope u'll be happy always..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:38 PM

waoh just wokeup not long.. actually opened my eyes at ard 12+pm.. but just feel so weak to move etc.. so i just continued to sleep on my bed.. when i opened my eyes im shocked to see that my room lights still on!.. ahhss that means i fell asleep without knowing after i bathed..

when i get down mum ask me wat time i come home how come all the lights still on when she wakeup.. lol.. gosh i really K.O on my bed sia..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:23 PM

yawns.. wat a tiring day! keep falling asleep in class becos i got no idea wats going on in lectures and tutorials.. and no offense but the way they teach/talk really makes me wana sleep.. think this semester really jialet sia.. how am i going to pass INT and CSA module if this carry on.. dotx!..

sighs morning missed my 9-10am makeup class! arghs.. all blame myself for being such a piggy.. hahas.. serious man i was so tired that i can just fall asleep without me knowing..

in the morning ling still gave me afew morning calls.. aww.. i answered the call but arghs i fall back to sleep again.. erks..

sorry wor ling lol u give me morning call then in the end i still missed my class.. sighs :(.. nxt time must make sure i fully awake then put down lol!..

really so tiring wor nowadays.. dont know why leh.. i think i should start watching my lifestyle already.. something seem to be wrong i guess..

aniway now im rotting in my project room.. hmm feeling kinda lost.. duno wat to do.. aniway later will be going to BBDC to top up my account.. so i can start booking my driving lessons..

and well tonight i prolly be going to town to slack around maybe.. see how things goes.. i need to get a present for benson.. cos his celebrating his early birthday tomorrow.. well his plan is dinner and ktv.. but well i dont think i can join them for ktv bahs.. yeahs cos ima go mu with the group to make sure about 'certain' thing.. aniway hope everything will turn out fine..

about my project.. i have nothing to do at the moment.. all kinda cleared... so now just got to wait for my supervisor to give me new task.. but before that i got to prepare for the upcomin panel review liao..


To: All students,

The PD1 Structured Programme (SP) has been scheduled on week 6 i.e.

Mon/Tues groups TUES 21 Nov

Thu/Fri groups FRI 24 Nov

Assessment by supervisors will be carried out on week 5 ( 13 - 17 Nov ).

All students must prepare for the panel review. Ensure that the timesheets and the website are up to date. Log book recording must be clear and up to date also. No report is required.

Attendance is COMPULSORY.

The examiner review ( 2nd panel review ) will be conducted for selected students on week 7/8.

All the best.

IHP committee.

sians lorh.. i got to buy a log book and start writing wat i had been doing from week 1 till now.. and well i got to understand wat i've been doing so far also.. so when questioned i know how to answer.. else i think i can prepare to get scolded by those lecturers thats doing the review..

sighs okies thats all for now...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:31 PM

wow.. so rush today..

stayed in school till 9+pm.. was rushing the final part of the project becos tomorrow my supervisor Mr.Goh gona use it for the Bio-physic's lab at 10am..

so yeah i was rushing thru the last part which was the spray painting.. well actually doesnt take up so much time.. but well the waiting part was the longest.. cos i got to make sure that the paint's dried.. then i can remove the tapes etc thats protecting the other part..

aniway earlier on in the day.. i get to know some 'new' friends.. haha no lah actualli seen them before in sch alot of times.. but just that we never talk.. but yea today kinda get to know them.. i also forgot how we started the conversation..

but yeah funny lahs.. they shared with me alot of their experiences and stuffs.. one of them also clubber.. then told me alot of things about girls etc.. dots sia lol.. then he funny lor invite me and another friend into his conversation with this girl.. and ask us to talk to her.. then say make friend mah.. then i was like 'Huh?' dots.. never tried such thing before sia.. so yealor we kinda chatted abit in there.. haha bwg.. but he really power lor..

then another friend in class also happening.. haha borrowed friend's laptop for lab becos his laptop spoiled.. then wah kao found some interesting thing in it.. lmao bth sia..

still gt some more details but i think i will end here lerhs.. byess..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:53 PM

just finished my duty as lab assistant for the module Bio-physics taken by Biomedical Engineering students..

well today is the second time of my duty.. hm its every wednesday 3 - 5pm.. last week i had my first.. hmm today was rather stressed at first lol cos my advisor whom is the lecturer for their lab asked me to do the demostration and explanation of the experiment.. i was like really stressed while explaining.. and shivering lmao! maybe cos of the air con also =x.. aniway just really panic lor.. haha!

then those student also fun lor they ji siao me lols.. they said "are u cold?" LOL!.. then i was laughing lor so paiseh also.. hahaha but they were nice and kinda joke with me to release the stress and tension of the environment..

after the briefing by me then the lecturer ask them to start doing the experiment among their groups ler.. so well all i did was walking around and making sure that nothing goes wrong.. well tried my best to help most of them and well i must say that they are really a fun class.. hahaha! same as the class last week.. i really enjoyed myself helping them but at the same time also stressful cos they're all CLEVER people! seriously man.. they all took A-maths while i didnt and certain questions they ask i really dont know also hahahas.. partly cos i never study Bio-physics and cos i sucks with maths lol!.. and yeah also not to mention that the cut off point of Biomedical Engineering is like 10 - 15 points.. i also heard from my lecturer that there are those with below 10 points for their O lvls in the course also.. really pengs...

aniway lol although some of the guys are playful but they still manage to get their experiment completed.. lol.. but they're friendly and easy to interact with.. thats wat i enjoy the most.. how i wish Electronic Computer Engineering people are as fun and happening as them lol.. my batch seriously isnt great.. all selfish, unfriendly and dao people.. so the classes i had were often dead and lifeless..

seriously how i wish all my previous classes were as happening and united as theirs.. aniway there was this girl in the class whom they said was 22 year old haha.. then she was grouping with 2 guys for the experiment.. duno if they were kidding abt her age or wat lol.. aniway those guys in her group just keep disturbing with her hahaha so funny lor.. i also bth keep laughing... they keep messing with her bag and stuffs.. but can see is all joking de lol.. really funny lor.. hahahaha..


oh yea and btw the girl i saw her along the way when i was going to the block.. lol so qiao didnt knew tat she and her guys friends would be in the lab also.. really stun lol..

aniway hey im surprised that i've a blog fan! haha! jiajia.. dont know if u're joking or not.. but aniway thanks for reading my boring blog with no pictures =x.. cos i got no time to upload :(.. always go home eat dinner mess around abit then got to sleep ler.. really not much time to do much other things.. aniway i will upload soon =).. else my blog is really sian all words.. aniway u're my sister yun friend? o.o since u said u know my blog from her blog..

aniway the song should i tell u the title? haha later u dun wan visit my blog lerh HAHAHAs.. just kiddin lah =P.. its bing yu by gao sheng mei

okies i go do some work then got to go home lers..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:30 PM

well i decided.. i will find back myself and well i will get back my ATTITUDE.. which is something that had been locked up inside of me.. i will try to let it out again.. for wat my buddy emily said is right.. im not even truthful to myself.. and also becos theres so many things that happened recently.. especially the serious case which happened on saturday..

aniway emily buddy said many things which made me felt that im really in a mess.. and indirectly im being a asshole..

aniway just saw yun mei's blog.. and im shock to see someone insulting her on her tagboard.. oh well get a life please.. i didnt know such people still exist..

GET A LIFE FOR GODSAKE..

and pls thats her own life.. she wants to be a princess its also part of her life.. at least she noe wat she wans and etc.. who are u to judge her and comment about her.. do u have any rights? are you god? u're just another human like her.. and no human is perfect.. u dare to say that u're perfect?? if not dont comment on others!..

aniway i guess u might come to my blog also right? since my yun mei's blog has my link.. watever.. but bear it in mind.. if u piss me off.. i swear to god i will lodge a report on u at the police station! and well dont think that u cant be located by the police just becos u're online.. dont piss me off else get ur lawyer ready..

and i dont give a dam if you're ahbeng/ahlian or watever.. if you're an ahbeng/ahlian then even more you should GET A LIFE!.. being alive to bring unhappiness and hell to your own race is simply pathetic.. and a disgrace the human race..

and well if u really not happy with me.. come on lor.. i wont like to entertain u by spamin retarded and childish messages on tagboard and ur gangster's life (if u're a gangster).. u want u come with me and we entertain the police together..

thats all i want to say.. ai li lai.. mai li sua..

peace.

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:58 AM

sighs.. right now my sickness seems to be gone.. at this point of time.. well i hope it stays likedat lor.. but well my voice is still kinda dead.. sound like sorethroat.. hais..

aniway im supposed to sleep early tonite.. cos tmr i cant be late for the stupid 10am class.. sighs.. i regret not sleeping early.. cos maybe its becos i stayed up too long? read too much of my friend's blog?.. too many bad shit happening around me? or watever....

i am emotional & depressed onces again..

screw this!!.. why do i have to be such a weak shit!!..

seriously its as if im eaten up by sadness and sorrows now.. just feel like crying for reason im not even sure of.. sighs.. fck this.. its really gona be gay if i cry out.. so no matter wat i will get a hold of myself now...

im just sick and tired of everything in my life.. pretending that im fine and nothing had happened.. when im seriously not!..

maybe my body got used to pretending all the time.. so thats why im so confused with my own emotions.. dun even noe when to express and when to pretend?..

im really tired of my life.. sometimes i feel like ending it seriously.. why does all the shit in life seems to grab hold of my weakness.. sighs.. im feeling terrible inside..

i tried to move on many times.. but things just doesnt seem to let me do so...

im really very tired...

sighs.. looks like girls seriously prefer wild and fck up guys.. u know decent guys can go eat grass already.. and im refering to myself.. i really dont want to stay as a decent person anymore.. why?? what for??... why am i made this way??.. why cant i be just like any evil bastard fcker out there?.. getting watever they want in life using ANY means they can just to get/achieve something/someone..

sighs.. i really feel like MIA-ing from everything and everyone!.. thats wat most virgo's does isnt it?.. avoid their sad and pathetic realities....

maybe i will recover tmr.. maybe i wont....

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:43 AM