vexed!! vexed!! vexed!!

at school vexed at home also vexed!!

is there any place i can find PEACE!!!!!!!!

so irritated!!!!!!!!!!!

just got a bad day with my dam examiner review!! got home and my mum start calling my name for a million times!!!!! NAG SCOLD NAG SCOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im getting out of my dam house onces benjamin is done!! going to meet him for dinner and beer!! need to RELEASE and RELAX!!!!!

unwind the dam tension in me!!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:40 PM

ahh bth liao.. going to sleep now else i cant wake up at before 9am..

stupid report.. like forever.. aniway left one last part then finish ler.. so well hopefully by tmr afternoon i can finish my report.. so i can use the remaining time to understand my schematics and theories.. inorder to prepare myself better for the review..

okies goodnite!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:17 AM

sighs joanne is right... aniway im surprised that shes also virgo!! wow...

Jo's properties. says:
no girls like soft soft guys lah
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal despair ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
yeah lor
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal despair ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
they prefer those bastard kinda i felt
Jo's properties. says:
i somehow think lah
Jo's properties. says:
girls like guys who dont treat them well

Jo's properties. says:
i tell u, love is like life, always full of miracles
Jo's properties. says:
when the right girl appears in front of u, u will jus lightened up

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:03 AM

sighs time flies.. its already 1am and its Sunday already!.. tmr will be another week of school...

and later 9am.. got to go for kick boxing again lol.. pengs.. bahhs..

worst still is my project report still bugging me.. its so hard to finish it becos some parts is so hard to do.. and tats wat holding me back.. arghs.. but yet i have to get it done by all means..

aniway guess the guys shd be having fun at mos now.. so good rite.. while im still buried by my report and stress..

bahhs..

siannn..

aniway just now earlier on at 9+pm.. xandra mei came my house to visit me..

To Be Continued..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:06 AM

wow blogger just changed?.. was prompt to register a google account etc.. wahs.. so complicated.. and yeah the layout of the blogger dashboard did changed abit..

bahhs.. aniway as long as this new feature dont do any harm to my blog i dont bother i guess..

aniway.. sighs so fast gona be 3pm!.. its saturday already.. sighs.. 2 more days to my examiner review! im so stressed by it seriously omg.. haiss... so stressed until i cant stop worrying about it and totally got NO mood for any other things...

sighs.. yesturday xandra mei asked me to go zouk.. but seriously i dont have the mood and i was still in school doing my report.. haiss.. really so vexed.. going crazy!!..

sighs... prolly onces i get over with all these stupid project issue for this semester i would have more time? its a question i cant confirm.. becos after this examiner review i got exams comin up in 1 week.. arghhh!.. its like stones after stones lined up and rushing down a hill and a guy infront trying to shoot away these stones before it smashes him.. and its like every single second counts.. its really so stressful!..

why dont i take a break u might ask.. how? when im already so lacking of time.. when im outside my mind still stressing about my work.. and it just mades me think that im outside to avoid those work instead of relaxing myself..

haiss...!! damit.. i better give my best for this examiner review and overall get over this semester! or else it totally waste my time and brain cells!..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:53 PM

sighs.. im feeling so stressed up with the coming examiner review..

Date: Thursday, January 25, 2007 10:04AM
Subject: PD1 Examiner Review (ER): 29 Jan 2007, Monday, 1.00pm


Dear Students,

Please be informeed that you are to get ready your project and standby in your project room for the coming PD1 Examiner Review (ER) on 29 Jan 2007, Monday.
You are to be in your project room from 1.00pm.

For your information and compliance please.

Regards
for ECE IHP Committee
ECE Division
Ngee Ann Polytechnic

cc: Project Supervisors

sighs.. my supervisor just came and talked to me about my report which i had been working on the past few days.. well asked her about some sections and she did helped me.. she told me quite alot of stuffs whereby i can see is trying to encourage me.. im really grateful.. but indirectly made me felt more stressful and worried.. im afraid i will screw up during examiner review and disappoint the high hopes my supervisor had for me.. sighss...

so stressed... and well just realized that the coming monday is also the final submission for INT miniproject.. arghs.. i dont even have time to actually work on that miniproject yet.. feel so scared as if time is running out..

mades me dont even have the mood for any external activities... sighs!.. how!!!...

*back to work on my report*

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:48 PM

haha.. yun sis just chatted with me on msn.. well guess the tension is gone.. maybe we're both just crazy thats all.. but yeah i was disappointed actually.. but i have this heart thats so soft that if u say the right things i will forgive u no matter how angry u had made me.. and this baka nechan of mine knew how i guess.. haha..

at least she isnt those kind of girl that will continue to scold me or say stuffs to make me more pissed off..

but that doesnt mean that all girl who say sweet stuffs after they make me unhappy will make me forgive them.. they got to be sincere.. if i feel that they are saying just for the sake of saying or wat.. i will still not be totally happy..

and yeah dun get mistaken.. i dun normally anyhow get upset with girls.. only when they do certain things to irritate me or hurt me...

kk sign off for now... busy!!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:47 PM

Rose was telling me these online.. maybe shes right that i just haven met the right girl yet? i duno.. she isnt the first to say this.. but on the other hand i had waited for so long already... sighs ok.. aniway about the great guy part.. im not sure about it myself..

Theresa says:
ur a great guy the girl taht u end up with
Theresa says:
will be a lucky girl
Theresa says:
wether u believe that urself or not
Theresa says:
jus havent met the right girl yet
Theresa says:
dating is trial and error so to speak

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:49 PM

sighs.. i just got up not long.. thought it was still early but omg looked at my hp and realized that its already 12+pm!! shitts.. missed my morning lessons... arghs..

and my mums busy taking care of my dad so i guess she forgot too.. so well good luck to me lol.. i set alarm last night but gosh i dont even hear it.. hais..

aniway going for afternoon lesson at 1pm then.. so sians... aniway now i have wireless at home already.. cos the router spoiled recently.. so well yst sis friend came and fixed a new one.. which have wireless + lan ability.. but hmm doesnt seem to be that stable yet.. and the signal isnt totally strong.. maybe cos the router is only 90$ ?..

but aniway its quite cool..

and well first thing i see when i wake up is yun sis tagging on my board with those remarks.. pengs!.. wei u got see wat time i post that post mah? 11+am not pm.. so its before u called me to tell me all the problems u're going through..

and well wat i mean by giving me extra things to be bothered/stressed... means like giving me extra dramas to be troubled about.. like someone getting mad at me for no reasons or any misunderstanding.. or just becos i went mia and never pick up their calls or something.. so when these people get mad at me of cos i will be troubled and give me extra problems to worry about rite.. not for cases like u lah!.. kok u lah.. but if u get angry now then u're considered giving me extra problems..

and if i mind.. i wouldnt even call u or do anything to make sure u're alright..

sighs...

nvm.. just my fate.. everytime i get misunderstood by people even if i meant good...

tired of everything....

missing my beloved mhss brothers..
guys you know who im refering to...

bye..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:29 PM

well well.. another wednesday..

yesturday's review was scary.. but at least its over now.. wats worst is the coming examiners review next week.. arghs.. so stressed.. that one i will be reviewed by directors of the engineering department.. gosh u can imagine how scary its gona be!

and they will deffinitely ask indept questions to test me.. becos my supervisor actually select me for A grade on my project.. and thats the reason why i have to go through this 2nd review which is for student thats getting A or getting F.. so these directors will actually judge and see if these selected students deserve to get an A or a fail grade..

sighs.. and im still not yet done with my report :x.. maybe today have to stay back and do it with my supervisor.. cos she yesturday kb me for not handing up my report yet.. bahhs..

really sian 1/2.. aniway today is the last time im doing the lab assistance thingy for my supervisor..

haiss really tired and stressed out man..

wat people around me can do will be 'dont add on to my problems' by not giving me extra things to be bothered or stressed about.. and please dont irritate me during this period..

your cooperation will be greatly appreciated..

thankyou..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:31 AM

sighs just got back home...

suppose to stay in school longer today to finish up everything but my friend keep bugging me to go so well i decide to finish the rest at home.. and left with him..

well.. today is just another day.. wokeup at 8+am.. could had made it to school on time.. but when i wokeup i feel so tired and sick.. so after having my breakfast i went back to sleep until 12+pm..

still feeling very sick.. but i know i got no choice.. i have to go school to prepare for tmr's review.. so well dragged my body out of the house.. got to school at around 1pm.. then started preparing for my report etc..

went for lunch at around 2+pm.. then at 3pm.. friend drag me out to smoke with them.. as we're all totally stressed up..

sighs...

at 5:30pm i receive a sms from selene saying she read my blog and asking how come im still so depress.. and ask me to cheer up.. well im quite shocked actually.. cos didnt expect she will still read my blog.. aniway i just want to say thank you and i really appreciate it..

yeah i promised her that in this brand new 2007 i shd be a brand new me.. but seriously i wonder how.. but nevertheless im trying hard to be happy.. but i got a question out of curiosity.. if i really change will people around me notice? hmm..

aniway same goes to the few that had been reading my blog with/without me knowing.. thanks for all the concerns..

kk now im going to continue working on my report etc already..

signin off..
sick sicked sickly me...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:20 PM

yeap.. im here again..

but not gona update the previous posts yet.. just gona add on alittle..

aniway just changed my blog song.. to a pretty old eurodance track.. Ready for Love by Cascada..

why the song ready for love? because i felt that i've lost all confidences and faith that i use to have towards love.. wonder when will i be ready for love again.. aniway now wats left in my mind about love is just bullshit.. pack of lies and nonsense... i use to believe that love's sweet, innocent and wonderful.. whereby a girl and a guy get together because they truly love each other and accept each other's flaws.. but now people are treating love as some sick game!.. to them its like a computer game whereby either u be the player or the computer.. meaning either u play the opposite or u get played.. what the fuck is this? is playing with other peoples emotions so fun and exciting?.. and i seriously despise and hate those guys whom sweet talk/cheat their ways out to hit on innocent devoted girls whom heart's still pure towards love when they know they dont love the girl at all and all they want is to fuck the girl.. its totally screwed up can.. i get even more upset when i see girls i know and cared for falling into traps like this..

and u know wat happen to people after they get played? some of them will want to become a player after they manage to get over the hurt.. or they become lesbian/gay.. or just simply lock themselves up.. or commit suicides..

aniway in most cases.. people just get vengeful.. so they became bastards/bitches.. and this cycle will never end.. it just keep carry on like a life cycle.. sighs..

the media is really a fuckup source of influence.. with all those stupid love dramas going on.. im not saying that all love dramas suck.. some really brings out the true meaning of love.. but some simpily just make people think as if love is just a game etc.. so they can just end it with a break up/divorce... blah blah... zzz...

i really feel very turn off because i've seen/heard too much in real life situation and not to mention i had also been through some pretty bad experiences.. it make me conclude that even if i have someone whom i really love now i also dont think i will want to start a relationship with her... sighs...

kinda miss going back to Music Underground just to dance the night away on stage like how i used to every saturday night.. but well now dancing there isnt a usual habit already.. infact i hardly go there nowadays.. and i also forgotten since when i lost the habit..

the last time i went down was due to siyun mei's birthday.. and that was on the 29th Dec 06.. before the 29th i also hardly went there already..

aniway lets talk about today.. well expected for the lack of sleep.. i slept at 5+am.. and i was actually forcing myself to get up for my kick boxing class at 9:15am.. so tired that u know u will fall striaght back to sleep onces u lay back on the bed again.. and this is the kind of feeling i wish i had i have at night and not in the morning.. sighs cos i always cant get to sleep without having to toss and turn around on the bed for countless minutes..

aniway luckily my sis and i werent really late for class.. but sadly when we got in the room they already started.. so well faster walk in place our stuffs and start joining them with all the punching, hopping, kicking etc.. well today im more delighted with my performance though.. at least i dont look like a geek that keep doing wrong moves compared to the first lesson.. as i have a big problem following the mirror image of the teacher.. whereby watever they do u have to do the opposite way.. and if u hesitate for abit u will fail to catch up..

sighs aniway after that.. in the noon went to NTUC with my sister and bought tibits and stuffs.. the place was pretty crowded.. even had problem finding a parking lot in the carpark.. sighs then in NTUC was so packed.. i was pretty irritated especially when some shoppers were so totally idiot and inconsiderate.. and well i was like so tired.. but surprisingly i didnt flare up..

aniway dont know isit NTUC stuff expensive or we took too much stuff.. the amount accumulated over 100$.. faints*..

sighs aniway we got home at around 3+pm.. then sis cooked instant noodle.. and we slacked infront of the computer.. trying to find some shows to watch.. after we decided wat to watch.. i went to bath as i was feeling so sticky..

after bathing i just felt so tired.. so when to the bed and laid for sometime.. while sis went to bath also and after that she went to watch the movie on my computer.. i didnt join there because i fell asleep for alittle and later on wokeup to find myself burning.. was really like having fever.. but luckily now its better already..

sighs..

aniway i realized that this recent depression that i've got is so bad that it have been dragging for so long.. if im not wrong it had been months already.. and the worst is normally i will feel better after giving myself sometime to chill etc.. but now it doesnt seem to help anymore.. it just continue to make me feel negative, lifeless, moodless, demoralized, not motivated and dazed...

duno wats happening to me.. but i really hope it will blow over soon.. cause its really very miserable to live life like this.. its not wat i wanted ok.. im trying hard myself to get over it.. but it just doesnt help at all....

i dont even have my own life nowadays seriously.. last time maybe i will still ring up someone to chat/lame around.. or even ask if they wana meet up/go clubbing/etc.. but these months.. i've just been in a dazed.. as if a flash bang had blew up infront of my face.. leaving me lost, blind and confused..

i can tell u i haven been calling up anyone at all.. unless im returning a missed call.. else u wont see me calling anyone.. sms is the same.. i dont sms people anymore.. unless im needed to.. or i need to reply a sms.. but worst is sometimes i dont even reply call / sms already....

am i turning into some freak soon.. or am i already one... its sickening and pathetic to see myself living life like that..

its like...
im getting devoured by my own weakness and flaws....

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:16 PM

just got back..

well so fast its sunday already..

aniway i nv done much on saturday.. woke up at evening.. then i went to bath the dog.. haha first time im bathing my dog :x.. but well good experience.. next time i know how to bath it already..

after that i went to meet benjamin, benson, wei xiang and zhenning at bukit timah plaza.. when i got there at around 9+pm.. they already started playing lan game so i just sat and watched them play.. then at 10+pm we left and head to benjamin's house as usual to watch Supernatural till now.. lols..

aniway the show just get more and more exciting and at the same time suspense just keep growing.. its really a good series show.. 2 more eps and we're done with season 1.. wonder how its gona end in season 1.. :x.. sighs..

thats basically how short my day was.. lol.. kk now i better go sleep.. else i really cannot make it for the kick boxing class at 9:15am later..

nights~~

aniway just check my np mail and yeah more task to be dued for one of my module :x.. sighs when can i get a break from school work.. looks like its true that final year is always very busy...

Dear INT students,

(1) Please complete the SOE Mel Survey as announced in the INT Mel site Announcement section by Jan 19
2007(Friday) if you have not done so.

(2) Quizzes 1 -5 have been activated/reactivated. Please complete them by Jan 26, 2007 (Friday).

(3) Mini-project -- Second Submission has been activated. Please submit all the programs (i.e. partially completed
and fully completed) up to the time of your submission by Jan 22, 2007 (Monday).

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:59 AM

sighs finally finish updating some posts and stuffs.. still have alot of drafted post not yet updated.. mostly dec 2006 post.. and of cos still have some jan 2007 onces.. sighs aniway im tired... im going to sleep..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:10 AM

just came back home and finally im blogging again... publishing/editting some of the old posts and updating new one as well..

aniway just now went to watch movie with zhenning, benjamin and sheena at westmall.. the show was Apocalypto.. decided by zhenning i think lol.. to me i find the show is ok.. isnt bad.. good experience but its just disturbing overall.. sighs...

after that went to chill abit.. whereby i dont know how i just said out wats been happening in my life recently.. and its really bad stuffs...

sighs didnt manage to join xandra mei with her birthday celebration..

So Sorry Xandra mei! sighs...

but i seriously hope she had fun with her group of close friends though..
happy belated 18th birthday although i had already wished her yesturday...

hais.. aniway.. another day gone.. and im closer to my final review now.. need to research on so many things yet i just dont feel like doing anything.. or shd i just im just not motivated at all.. im seriously lacking of motivation for anything in my life.. or i guess its simply just because im not confident.. like for example my driving lic.. until now im not even fully motivated yet.. partly is because im busy lately with projects.. but mainly is because i dont have confidence on passing it during the first attempt.. and the thought of not being able to pass it on the first attempt just make it demoralizing to attempt.. sighs... but aniway the target i set is get it before Aug 2007.. hope i can achieve it..

and well how to be a motivated person when he himself not even assure of his abilities and personalities.. not to mention that he dont even have self confidences..

and as i get older.. im getting pressured by responsibilities and many things.. which im sure everyone goes thru..

sighs..

to me i feel that the best way to get out of this is to have a source of firm support somewhere.. which family of cos play the main role as they play a bigger role in our life.. but sadly i dont get it from my family.. since young my family has always been like that.. and as i grow up i start to feel as if my home is just a place to sleep and eat.. nothing more then that.. its just so cold and dead.. which is why whenever i go out i dont really feel like going back home... cos whenever i go home i will feel very dull again..

let me quote something from the great book "Tuesdays with Morrie"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isnt the family. It's become quite clear to me as I've been sick. If you don't have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said, 'Love each other or perish."

"Love each other or perish," Morrie said.
"It's good, And its so true.
"Without love we're birds with broken wings."

"Say I was divorced, or living alone, or had no children. This disease --what I'm going through-- would be so much harder. I'm not sure I could do it. Sure, people would come visit, friends, associates, but it's not the same as having someone who will not leave. It's not the same as having someone whom you know has an eye on you, is watching you the whole time."

"This is part of what family is about, not just love, but letting others know there's someone who is watching out for them. It's what I missed so much when my mother died --what I call your 'spiritual security'-- knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

sighs life just keep going downhill for me.. and everytime i try to get out of it.. it just get even worst.. most probably i dont know wats the right way of solving it so it just get worst each time.. bring more problem and shits..

aniway i just realized that my memory is getting really bad.. or isit becos im too vexed with problems around?.. i can actually forget wat happened in the day or just recently.. and things like birthday i really couldnt remember them anymore without setting calendar alarms.. sighs.......

sighs.. aniway now i've alot of task on hand.. so much till i feel that i dont have time for much stuffs anymore.. esp for a bad time management individual like me..

well now i have to do alot of house work daily and help out in every little things at home.. because my dad sprained her back on tuesday and kinda reap up old injuries.. and its quite bad.. now hes movement is pretty much restricted and his dependant on clutches now and moving like a guy in his 80's it really made me feel very upset whenever i see him.. cant move his back and got to be very careful with every step else it might make the injury worst which isnt funny becos injuries on the spine can lead to paralyze..

so i will have to take over wat my dad usually does..

Water the plants daily..
Feed the fishes daily..
Feed the dog daily..
Bath the dog weekly..
etc...

sighs.. theres so much happening lately.. but i just dont have the energy to blog out every single thing... but i will update again soon..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:06 AM

its 8.00am now.. and guess wat?.. im in school.. i didnt just reach school or wat.. i actually stayed overnight in my project room! and i havent slept yet..

sighs.. lets talk about yesturday.. I thought it was going to be another normal tuesday whereby i will go school by 9am to rush upon my project as its project day.. 8am - 5pm... but never did i expect the unexpected to happen...

woke up at ard 8+am.. got myself bathed, dressed etc.. and went downstair for breakfast.. while my mum went out for her yoga class at the CC..and my dad was sitting on the sofa looking at stocks on the teletext..

but when i was almost finishing my meal.. i heard my dad calling out to me.. saying "yangchun come help me.. i sprained my back" in chinese with a painful tone.. i was shocked because it was so sudden.. aniway i hurried to the living room and do as i was told.. then i realized that its very serious because my dad can hardly support himself up from the sofa.. then he ask me to get a plastic chair for him as it had better support on the back.. so i rush to the computer room and got it for him.. then i slowly pulled him up from the sofa and let him sit on the plastic chair.. the situation deffinitely look bad.. so bad till im starting to panic.. after that he ask me to get him a cup of warm water and i did it.. and also getting him some mineral water and placing it by the side of his chair in reach of his hands.. then i asked him wat happened.. and he said he must had injuried it when he was bending down to take some things when he was at the backyard..

sighs... i was really lost and at the same time im getting late for class too.. and well mum only be back at around maybe 11+am.. sighs aniway dad asked me to go school so i did.. but i only went after i made sure that he didnt need anymore things.. aniway i passed his HP to him so well incase of anything he can just call me or anyone.. sighs.. after i left the house i wasnt feeling peaceful at all.. keep worrying that something might happen etc.. and no one is at home to help.. sighs.. so i decided to sms my sisters about it...

when i reached my project room.. my elder sis called me and asked for more details and i told her.. she then called my dad HP to ask hows he doing etc..

sighs then for me i was busy in project room.. rushing on my project as its due on wednesday.. this new project is so rushing as i only had 2 weeks to complete it.. 4 project days to be exact.. which task includes modifying the PCB Board, testing it, follow by duplicating 11 sets after it work.. and not to mention soldering and drilling takes up alot of time... and well the big problem now is the testing set was working but the actual set that i made had problem working!.. i made 2 actual sets on monday and i tested it and it wasnt working.. so im suppose to troubleshoot the error today... time is really insufficient..

sighs.. aniway at 11+am.. my 2nd sister suddenly called me and tell me shes outside of the house but she forgot to bring the gate remote back.. and she ask me to hurry down to open the gate for her.. so well i left my project room, smsed my project supervisor and rush home to open the gate.. soon after tat my mum was home too.. and she was also shocked when she knew about the situation.. sighs...

dad then need to go toilet and i helped him to the toilet.. sighs... after tat i went to cook noodle for my dad, sister and myself.. mum as usual prefer to eat the left over porriage from breakfast.. :x sighs...

after that i was told that today the repairman for the oven and stove is suppose to come.. then i was like "wtf?" why everything happened together?.. and its clashing.. so its actually delaying the time to send my dad to visit a doctor..

hais.. aniway we waited so long then finally at 1pm the repairman for the oven came.. i wasnt very glad with the idea of repairing the stupid oven.. and the tension from the given situation made me very irritated.. esp when i had the stress of my project on the other hand.. i didnt even know that my mum actually called the repairman down.. else i would had objected.. becos the stupid oven is so dam old already 8years +??.. and best part is.. its not even bought by us.. its from the previous owner when we move in.. and i seriously dont like to use other people left over stuffs.. args.. the guy tested the oven and well its dam obvious its dead.. becos even the electronics were rather shorted.. timer was working properly and best part was the electricity tripped twice when the oven was operated... still my mum keep asking if it can be repaired etc.. i mean yeah they want to save money also not until like that right!.. its so pathetic can.. sighss.. and my dad was waiting for them to send him to a doctor while my mum is so busy about the oven.. argh.. finally my dad got pissed off and he start flaring up.. worst is i became the target.. he start scolding me and saying im useless etc.. never help only give trouble etc!.. those words totally killed me.. i feel so zzzzzz... in the end.. my mum made me wait at home for the repairman to go off while she and my sis send my dad to the doctor first.. oh great.. i was already very pissed.. its not like im so free k i have my project to rush.. and i really dont understand wats there to repair in that totally breakdown oven.. really waste of time.. and even if it can be repaired it will bound to break down again soon.. due to its age.. come on an oven dont really cost much.. and i dont think we're so pathetic until we can even afford a new oven!.. sighss..

aniway i was so upset with those words my dad said.. i went up to my bedroom and just cried.. as i cry i was feeling so angry too... its like i already tried my best to help and such.. but yet i still get scolded etc... sighss... i felt as if im a total moron.. at that moment i actually told myself im not going to bother anymore.. cause i cared for him and in the end i get fucked in return.. i really really hate it! it always happens in the family... tats why we're all not close at all.. sighs...

sighs aniway.. later on the repairman told me that the oven cant be repaired.. and ask my mum to get a new one.. zZzz... after tat he left.. and i then hurried back school.. it was already nearing 3pm.. on the way back i called my supervisor and he was caring enough to ask if everything is fine etc.. aniway he said that he asked his project student whom is alvin and jianfeng to help out my project.. cause he knew that i dont have sufficient time to complete it by wednesday 3pm.. and well thank god that there was no error with the PCB boards (else i got to redo everything).. just some components error on the sets i made previously..

so yeah true enuff when i got back to my project room.. they're working on it.. so well i joined in too.. but i wasnt very efficient as my mind is still pretty upset.. but watever i still carried on..

made afew more sets.. and again the same problem and some wasnt working.. i was so stressed till i started cursing and swearing in the project room..

time flies.. night came in shortly.. and i called home telling my mum im not going back to eat dinner.. and might be staying over in school.. and well i didnt asked about my dad condition..

sighs at around 7+pm jianfeng left with his friends.. so left me and alvin to do.. there were still so much to work on till we got no time for dinner.. so in the end we ordered mac donalds.. which arrived at 9:50pm...

after tat alvin went home at 11+pm.. leaving me all alone in the project room to do.. it was pretty freaky with the environment.. so i blasted my songs in my laptop to keep the errie atmosphere off..


..... To be continued.........

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:00 AM

well going to give myself a break these days.. hopefully until next weekend.. so i wont prolly be replying much of smses nor picking up calls..

just too much work, thoughts and things recently.. and some unfinished matters.. they're all just killing me...

anyway this featured video in yahoo really rocks! im impressed with their skills..

and it really reminds me of the game which zhenning and benson played at benjamin's house. lols.. funny..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:09 PM