i wonder how, i wonder why..
yesturday you told me about the blue blue sky..
and all that i can see..
its just a dull dull sky..

sighs.. think i having pms or watever crap syndromes as usual.. waking up in the morning from weird dreams and feeling so dreaded to get out of bed..

handphone ringing and u wish u can just scream at whoever that calls u for no particular reason.. keep calling and dont bother to even sms or watever.. the sight of this just enough to make me feel irritated enough for the day..

hais.. i hate to put up this smile for people just becos i dont feel like messing up their day.. and the feeling of being complied to do so many thing out of my own will just make me sick..

there just something wrong with my life right now.. but i cant identify wat the hack is causing all these unhappiness and irritations.. perhaps cause im facing too many fckers..

theres this guy in school.. i know him when i was doing lab assistance for my supervisor last sem.. and well he used to call me and send me weird sms about having tickets for me to join some talk thingy.. and ask me if i want to buy etc.. wth.. until lately i met him again in sch and he talk to me so i talk to him.. found out that hes actually working in a MLN (multi level networking) company.. okie.. and from that it make sense to me on why he asking me to join talks and stuffs in the past.. wana drag me into his MLN..

it became even more obvious lately as after talking to him that day.. he keep calling me even MORE then usual.. and sending me sms about talk sessions.. omg.. sick..

arghs.. rawr! basically any itch of thing around me can irritate me enough to get me frustrated!.. even the amount of mosquitoes in my house also seem to get more.. erks!..

and especially recently when darling been having hell in the pri sch that she was having her attachment in.. that god forsaken place.. i've enough of it when i was there last saturday.. its really chaos lor.. the teacher there can go eat shit.. they themselves also so dramatic and irresponsible.. yet they still call themselves "teachers" whom are suppose to be role models for the kids.. oh man.. it just make me condemn that bloody pri sch..

the teachers there are so lazy and irresponsible that watever work and crap they have they will push to my darling whom is only doing her attachment and not even a teacher.. giving her TONS of work and even scolding her.. i just feel so bloody angry lor.. especially now when they knows that shes going to finish her attachment there soon.. they basically just throw all their work to her and ask her to do for them.. dam fuck up lor.. their own work ask her to do.. knn giving a excuse saying "oh i've alot of other work to do, pls help me do this and that blah blah..." knn as if my darling got no other work to do likedat.. she also have classes to teach and stuffs to do de lor.. ccb.. worst is asking her to edit indian speaking videos.. it makes no sense at all lor.. u ask someone whom dont know the language to edit those videos.. and by all means u got to finish editing that piece of crap.. can u imagine??.. totally screwed up..

if im darling i think i'll rather just fail my IAP.. but before that i will return shit and curse and swear at those mutha fckers.. it makes no sense at all lor.. all the work load is out of wat is expected in the attachment!.. she have to do work for student, teachers and even the student's PARENTS!.. What on earth is this!?.. she only has 2 hands not a thousand hands.. so dam fuck up..

those kids took her for granted.. keep messing with her handphone, labtop etc.. basically everything.. bugging her from day till night.. even after school they still flood her phone with sms and not excluding her msn..

knn cb..

argh im so pissed off whenever darling complain to me.. its so fuck up la!.. aniway babe next week is the last liao.. endure lvl10!! onces over.. u dun have to hold back ur attitude on those cb liao.. knn!..

u need to be fair to urself before u leave that fuck up place for good!.. dont let them scold u and abuse u until shiok.. knn having someone to scold and abuse, knowing that the person couldnt retaliate they must be feeling so shiok rite.. ccb..

such a disgrace to teachers sia.. tmd..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:47 PM

phew.. finally ER is over!..

3 directors.. and it lasted for about 1hr.. omgosh..

keep asking questions and stuffs and i was like panic man.. trying to answer them properly.. argh really scary... stress the nuts out of me..

even now i still feel the after effect =x.. bahh...

for some reason i duno why i still feeling very dull.. eventhough its over.. something else is bothering me.. just make me dam sian...

like as if all the good thing had been sucked out..

argh.. aniway its just a weird feeling now.. very uneasy.. hais..

shall end here..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:10 PM

rawr just came back home..

channel u was shooting "hey! Gorgeous" in ngee ann..

sobs.. my hand phone batt died on me soon.. else i would wanted to take more photos..

and well the guy that won.. was hmm.. abit... i shall not say.. even my classmates also say wtf that he won o.o..

sad thing was so many pple get to take photo with fiona!!.. lucky people sobs..

aniway later going to darling house for dinner.. hm her mum cooking.. hope darling and i can enjoy a nice weekend together after such a terrible week.. we need a rest.. hais..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:36 PM

hmm... so hot.. need to bath soon..

rawr.. just went to get a hair cut today and somehow highlighted my hair.. yeah better do so before i get into the army and become botak (no hair)..

tmr is the start of another week again.. well.. lets pray for a better week.. especially tuesday.. as its my project's final review.. after that i can kiss all my reports and presentations GOODBYE!..

for god sake.. finally its reaching the end of this tedious FYP of mine.. sighs but well after that presentation i have to rush on my PD1 project.. cause my PD1 supervisor need me to get it done within 1 - 2 weeks time.. he need to use it for his lab experiment.. yeah -.- im a free labour..

hate my PD1 project.. doing shit for the school.. like a free technician.. the school really knows how to make use of their students.. /no1..

sighs and well darling and her mum has been quarrelling alot recently.. hais.. i feel so stuck in between.. hais.. i feel stressed.. especially when i have to face her mum too... its scary.. hope things get better between them...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:18 PM

yeahs just came back from sch..

finally! finish my CSA mini project presentation =D.. lols! it was dam scary lol.. i always get nervous when it comes to presentations and speech.. eew.. hate it..

but well at least its over now!.. 1 stone down the drain... still have afew stones to clear though..

gambatte yc~

aniway the topic we chose was about computer mouse..

and during my research last night i saw so many cool gaming mouse and keyboards.. makes me so feel like buying =x..

blue lights on the mouse and keyboard /slur !!

use to have a blue lighting keyboard but it spoiled -.- /piff.. and that wasnt cheap at all.. ard 80$+.. bahh..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:05 PM

Happy 4 months Anniversary Darling <3..

well.. its sad that we dont get to celebrate together.. due to all the nasty stuffs thats been happening.. and right now we're dealing with this possible hacker guy thingy.. gawd! how much worst can our day be...

watever it is.. i love you darling..

lets hope all the nasty shit can faster blow over soon..

we'll see when we can meet out and celebrate /hugs..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:06 AM

kyosura: yeah i guess everyone's parents are likedat..sigh are your parents likdat too trina?
trina: Forceful and logicless? Yep.

yea.. guess its the same everywhere.. perhaps we really got no choice but just to live with it?..

its life.. =x
aniway i shd try to sleep.. else i couldnt wakeup..

nites..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:52 AM

sighs..

its already 3am.. but i just couldnt sleep.. got so pissed off by my parents earlier till i almost give them shit.. they're forever so unreasonable and not understanding towards me.. sucks to be their son!..

but wat to do.. we're not given a choice to choose which family to be in.. pathetic..

i tried to ignore them all the time and didnt bother to quarrel/talk back at them.. but it seems like they leave me with no choice.. lying on my bed trying to sleep but all that appears in my mind was how freaking unreasonable they are and how much i wish i could just yell back at them for being so stuck up.. but to avoid blowing things up.. i always silence myself from letting out the anger..

but right now.. i feel like i dont wana give a shit anymore.. if they want a piece of me.. i'll give it to them.. cos if i tolerate any further i'll explode!.. cant stand it anymore.. its time i learn to fight for my rights eventhough when i know its not going to make a difference.. becos being nice by being silence doesnt make it any better but only make me feel uber frustrated keeping all the agony in my body..

unhappy things just kept coming my way recently.. it just makes me really upset.. sighs.. i hope i can feel happy again soon..

hope life been great for my friends and people i know..

and thanks darling for your support + understanding.. please takecare and rest well k.. /hugs

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:07 AM

another awsome day with darling <3.. lol! @@ at babe.. /meh..

hmm aniway looking at the tagboard again..

passer-by: i'm nt trying to put u down..yc, u're being too harsh on urself tt u nv look beyond wat u can achieve.

passer-by: u put in alot of effort.tt, everybody can see.i'm nt saying u're the type to complain but dun put in effort.i really juz wanted u to know tt there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

passer-by: cuz u keep saying u know,but u nv seem to believe in it.nobody likes to hear things tt are too real.but if u dun face up to it,u can nv solve it.by taking things so hard abt wat i said goes to show

passer-by: its smth true but u dun dare to admit.i dun misunderstand u.i'm just trying to help point out to u a diff point of view.there's always 2 sides of a coin rite?thank you for spending the effort to reply

passer-by: to my tags.i dun mean any harm at all.i can stop tagging.juz to let u know,u actually know me.but to avoid misunderstandings,i didn't leave my name.u know why.

passer-by: when i say i really know u had worked very hard,i really know.i've seen it for myself.i just can't help hating the ppl tt make use of u.but all i cld do is offer u advices to help cheer u up.

passer-by: but i can see it is't working.i'm sorry.probably i'm just not good with words.

well i do know that theres light and hope still.. thats why i mention im still trying didnt i?.. why u keep saying till like im going to give up on myself totally?..

and if you really know me.. u shd know the main cause of problems is because of my personal character.. its not because i dont know how to differentiate facts or dont know wats the right way.. i know how to make things right but doing it is the problem.. example if u need to bake a bread.. u know u need flour.. but if u dont have flour how?.. and u got no money.. u got to start by getting a job to earn the cash for it isnt it?.. thats wat im doing.. i dont need to elaborate further..

come on.. im not a stubborn individual.. if i know im wrong i'll admit.. but right now im not going to admit something that i know isnt right about me.. and i extremely hate it when people try to understand me but they fail to do so and end up with the opposite effects.. thats the only reason why im taking wat u said so hard.. when someone say something that isnt true about u.. are u sure u're going to stay there and do nothing?..

but watever im not going to reply anymore else people like 'someone else' is going to say im giving 'EXCUSES' / 'DEFENDSIVE'

and i hope u all dont continue to fight/argue and reply me with things u BELIEVE/ASSUME is true/wrong about me..

lastly..

i just want to say that i know wat im doing and wat i need.. if u people want to help.. just freaking leave me alone or u the least u can do is DONT add on to my problems with issues like this.. stop bringing drama into my tagboard or inviting/attracting more people in here to create drama.. be it if you're passing by, flying by, crawling by, or watever by.. dont post such stuffs unless u REALLY know me and i mean REALLY..

ps: if u all dont like to see me rant.. then please dont visit my blog and waste ur precious time reading my RANTS.. becos i dont like another pointless conversation to start just becos i rant about a bad day..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:04 AM

yawns so tired after spending the night out with darling..

and yup i see taggies haha..

thanks raina for ur advise.. and thanks darling for always being there for me =) hugs.. its hard to get by but im sure its just a matter of time..

and as for passerby.. u sound like u know me.. yes u were harsh with ur words.. and im sure it does cos i feel uncomfortable reading part of it..

i guess i should start writting such rants in diary instead next time.. cause im not looking for a debate or argument online..

quote:
u're too pessimistic.try looking at things frm a diff perspective.yr future is up to u to decide can?if u keep messing up yr projects and tests, no wonder u see no future for yrself.

reply:
yes im a pretty pessimistic person.. no doubt.. but not that i wasnt onces optimisitc.. yea u might say our future lies on our hands.. we've got to fight for it.. and if we dont yea no doubt we just waiting to die or live a hopeless life.. i know all these.. and come on, not that i purposely mess up my project and test k.. if u never seen me working on them then please dont comment like as if im a slacker that hasnt done any work and ranting here like a kid whom hasnt got his freebies..

please note this.. what everyone can achieve is different.. everyone has different abilities and excel in different areas of their life.. things that you can do or get over doesnt mean that others will deffinitely be able to accomplish.. im not someone who hasnt been through shit or lessons of life and start being all negative without trying/making efforts before hand..

quote:
passer-by: though i may sound harsh.but its the reality of life tt to achieve wat u want,dere's no other way but to fight for it.nth comes easy.but hard work WILL bring result.keep going!! u can do it!!!!

reply:
thanks for this encouraging post though.. and i guess u're someone in real life whom really fight very hard for wat u want even if you have to be harsh/striaght forward towards others or so to achieve/get something done?.. pardon me if im wrong..

although i hate harsh/striaght forward people, cause they dont think about others feelings and if they deserve it.. but at the sametime i got to say i envy them alot.. becos that kind of character is something i can never achieve.. i always think of other's feelings more then myself.. and its annoying when ur weakness get abused by others.. its hard to explain but aniway if u know me u'll know wat i mean.. im still trying hard though..

quote:
passer-by: so wake up.stop thinking things are against u.we make things work for ourselves.if u think bad things, it will turn out bad.but if u think it will work, IT WILL!!

reply:
i am not thinking that thing's against me all the time.. but its just that after the countless disappointments and crap u get when u think it will work out.. u'll start to give up.. but still im trying to work on it just that sometimes i get held back abit by these.. im not giving up yet becos i know the facts of life.. onces u give up deffinitely its gone...

sorry that i sound harsh back to u too.. i just extremely hate it when people misunderstand me and start thinking of me as some kid who never tried hard enough before he start complaining and cursing everything about his life.. i've got enough of that shit from my family.. whom never supported once.. whatever it is they want it their way.. and they dont even know me..

please next time before you give a comment on someone, try standing in their shoes first or else i would recommend to just keep the comments to yourself..

i can understand and imagine what kind of people you're grouping me as when you read my blog.. but u're wrong..

nevertheless thankyou passer-by for your advise.. i'll still continue to try my best in life..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:54 AM