i know it's been a very long time since i last blogged.. well alot of things happened.. as usual busy like mad in camp and stuffs.. overall struggling to stay alive without getting into unnecessary trouble..

well.. its a emotional sunday.. my mood hasnt been well lately.. and i duno since when it started changing.. maybe after i knew my recourse date?.. haha.. so funny that when i wanted it to come it didnt came.. and when i tot its not going to be near it shot up right at my door step..

well wat can i do.. have to be treated like dog again.. stupid training.. i've been trying to balance the advantage and disadvantages.. but cant seem to find a answer.. i hate it cos i worked so hard.. got through so much crap and in the end my leave and off have to be burnt..

sighs later have to book in ler.. yst still went back to camp for sai kang thanks to stupid LAB check.. next week they coming to check for the entire week.. sighs.. duno how.. and my recourse is like 2 weeks from now.. *sigh* wat to do neh?..

i have no idea.. sigh!.. irritating.. tiring.. i duno if i shd fail FFI anot.. all depends on the MO ler.. my fate is in his hands haha.. but his job is to make sure i go back.. so well actually there isnt a choice at all... watever.. now just have to see if they can let me take leave this 2 weeks.. sighs..

sighs.. tired..

under stress from every espect in my life.. who can understand wat im going thru haha.. maybe they can but wat would they just say the same shit everyone does? hahas.. i dun wana know.....

as i said.. does it matter anymore? so wat if u can measure? wat if theres no more reason for that....

im tired.. theres many thing which im doing and they all seems to have lost its reason and purpose.. tell me something that i've achieved?...

can human achieve thier goals on their own? sighs.. maybe they can but wats the point if they did it alone and theres no one around interested to share and go through it together with him.. but i guess some humans are better then me in a way whereby they dont need people around them.. they just do it to survive...

maybe soon i might learn to be like them..

this is a realistic world... talk with money not ur mouth... u can choose to believe in the fairytales and try to fool urself with hope.. but in the end wat u'll see will just be the bloody truth of life...

sighs im going for dinner already.. i'll continue next time...

this topic is very contradicting and im sure many people have their own feelings and thoughts about it.. but wat i see is just wat i've been going thru and experiencing...

i also wish that life isnt so dark and complicated..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:02 PM

sighs got home awhile ago.. dam tired but still did some cleaning.. i saw alot of crap which i always kept for memories.. but sad thing is i realise eventually i still have to throw them away as they're piling up..

guess next time i shdnt keep anymore..

aniway this weekend is terrible madness.. i didnt get to rest much.. fri after the course striaght away rush home and prepare then i went out to meet erik and go for our tpt hub west 2nd anniversary at DXO.. well its kinda shit.. aniway after the party i went out to drink with afew of them and went home at like ard 4am.. then wake up the next day evening went for benson bdae party.. then also end at ard 4am..

then today we went out again then dinner went to dar's grandma hse.. hais.. so busy..

im kinda not in the mood to blog nw actually.. so much happened.. and well i just kinda quarrelled with dar 1hr + ago.. was suppose to spend the night at her hse but cos i forgot to bring my stupid camp pass so have to cab home...

haiss think of waking up so early and go for the stupid course make me feel so f up.. aniway quite abit of shit happened at Double O during benson bdae.. we had Kbox at marina before we went to Double O.. then zh as usual.. bought sooo much drinks.. 20 shots at first then follow by 40 40.. teq shots.. really owned.. i almost ko`ed.. did a wrong thing at the wrong time and got fuck by dar.. apparently.. i tot it was fine.. haiz.. duno la.. fuck up...

fine lor nxt time i just keep my hands to myself.. aniway psp gf wanted to make us drink graveyard which i duno why cos its the first time clubbing with her around.. and well dar tot some random girl wan to pick me up... wtf sia.. so she almost fight with her.. and i got fucked.. maybe she tot i was drunk and gona anyhow... haiz...

sibei sian.. duno lar.. cant be bothered... i guess we need to cool down.. we just dont understand each other.. maybe its just really that hard..

i going to sleep liao.. have to wake up at near 6am.. sucks..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:21 AM