sian.. just got back from work!.. and just afew step away from my door.. i accidentally dropped my k800i onto the hard solid road.. kns.. now got obvious scratch!! ahh kns bth!! hate it when things i like become imperfect.. i so feel like changing my dam phone right away...

arghs! so dam clumsy today.. just now only wan to take key from my bag then hp drop zzz... knss... Arghs!.. when a person lack of sleep.. shit tends to happen even more.. shdnt had slept at 5am last night =x.. somemore today i reach workplace at 10am.. saii....

sighhhx... fck! i want change HP soon!... arghs!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:20 PM

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:04 PM

sighs.. its finally weekend.. but yet.. i know its not going to be a good weekend..

babe is still busy with her filming.. seriously i feel like yelling at her friends.. cos they're all fckers.. zZz.. always dun wan to do work etc.. and babe also so kuku to do all the work for them and making herself so worn out.. even heavy equipment also no body wants to take.. and my babe will always be the one taking them.. even after me telling her so many times NOT to do it..

end up she dont even have much energy to do anything with me.. and always have aches all over when we finally able to meet up.. always likdat.. i feel as if she devote too much into the project and when i meet her.. shes already half dead.. its like if u're looking forward to something but then when u see it.. u get disappointed becos of all the bad things..

zzz... there isnt much more time left before i enlist.. and it seems like i cant even do much with my gf.. shes so tired after all her shit work and everytime she has to push herself even more if she wants to spend time with me.. i seriously dont like it!..

eventhough yeah i know shes doing it for me.. but still? i dont like it becos shes pushing herself and end up being even more tired etc.. it just sucks.. think about it...

yeahs i can keep myself entertained.. but its not helping.. nowadays i feel more and more retarded.. i start to question myself.. and maple is stupid to play alone.. everytime i get fed up when shit happens in maple and im always the only one there... when im in a party how i wish the priest is babe and not just another random...

sighs.. im not happy! but yet i cant express them out.. but on the other hand.. even if i can express it.. does/will it change anything?.. i guess not...

im just ranting now becos it sucks.. everything sucked.. i have yet to update wat happened at work place.. when i got time then i will update..

as it get nearer to my enlistment date.. everything just seem to get even more serious to me.. and little promises do make a big difference..

i dont know how to explain but nevermind.. perhaps all these is just becos i got overly concerned and it turn out with side effects..

aniway this post is just a rant for myself.. so i can relief some unhappiness...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:20 AM

I love this song! so addictive.. the beats and everything.. it has a deep feeling if u listen it with ur heart....

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new - yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:18 PM

yawns so tired.. dam jialet lol nv work out nwadays.. yst go walk around in town only then now feel so tired..

lol! jialet.. i need to resume my biking habits.. but first i need to service my bike lmao! so long nv touch duno still safe to ride anot.. sians..

aniway yst watched Body #19 with the guys.. lol its the 2nd time im watching and i still get owned at certain parts.. seriously i think its a good movie and i recommend all my friends to watch it.. esp horror film lovers..

seems like nowadays we can only trust Shutter director.. his movies are always full of surprises and suspenses.. i learned my lesson lol and i will not watch other Thai horror movies except those by Shutter director.. lol.. cause i watched another Thai horror movie call 'the house' and its... BORING.. stupid lame crap..

dam sians.. everyday i linger around without knowing and understand myself.. sometimes i feel that im living for the sake of responsibilities.. im not really fighting hard for a target.. its sad..

the major problem is not knowing how to bring out my feelings.. as if im stucked in a shell.. its so tourment to live and not being to express yourself..

guess the goal for this year will be..

Learn to be myself..
Understand myself and my surrounding..

tmr is another long week of work.. hais.. another no life week.. i'll try to find some excuse to get my manager permit me to leave the dam work.. sometimes people think its so easy.. "just tell ur boss you dont wan to work or dont wan to continue"..

but just say out i dont want to work liao isnt as easy as it seem.. thought i already indirectly state that i dun wan to continue but he keep insist on me to stay and help.. and its so hard to reject cos i dun have a strong valid reason..

but its kinda hard for me.. maybe its just ourselves thats creating all these shit.. cause we know we want to quit.. but yet we still holds on to the responsibilities that we've taken over.. how i wish i can just be selfish right lol.. like how people can striaght away reject things or avoid responsibilities just because they dont want or lazy..

saying the word NO is so simple for them.. while people like myself think about so many factors and try to make the right choice.. which often doesnt really benefit myself.. so idiotic.. guess everyone on earth can never think the same way else it will be horrible.. there must be a balance...

but now it seems like the balance is disrupted thats why u see so much war and shit going on.. people are getting more corrupted each day.. even pri sch kids now know how to scold vulgarities which i only learn in sec sch.. i wont be surprise that sexual activities wont only start in sec school but even pri sch..

sick shit man.. everyday when i look at those teens nowadays.. i look back and dont even remember myself being such fck when i was their age.. but yea this kinda thinking shd be removed lol.. else we will be like how we always kp with our parents last time.. say they outdated.. lao gu dong etc.. cos they also always scold us say last time they never do this and that.. lol..

realistic way of saying is... this is a life process and people changes.. every fcking living thing changes everyday and its a process that we HAVE to accept even if its irritating to us or watsoever..

doesnt it make you wonder wat exactly is life abt? its as if its a training simulation to let you go thru this process and you cant get out till you die..

born.. study.. work.. marry.. family.. death..

its so disturbing...

im trying so hard to not think about stuff but i just cant stop or control it.. try until i feel as if my head going to explode.. sighs..

im so tired..

i need to find new and more things to keep me occupied and happy so i can distract myself from thinking too much....

conclusion is.. first i need to get out of my fcking job! cos thats one of the major depressing thing im going thru daily now.. sickening.. guess i have to think of a strong valid reason and tell my dam boss.. zzz.. i dont want to be trapped in this shit till end of feb!..

wish me luck... or can any experienced office employee can teach me how to resign? =(

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:45 PM

sighs..

im fucked man.. still thought i can get out of this shit work by end of Jan or early Feb.. but after talking to my 'manager' he just treat it as if i said im going to work till end of Feb.. because the dam replacement who is going to take over my job is only joining on the 21st FEB! and when i ask him how come so late then he say i'll still be around mah.. wtf?!.. And now i have to work at Bugis office starting next week.. zzz.. i hate Bugis.. tmd.. always go mrt will see all those teens... xialan kias.. ginas and esp those that hang out with a bunch of girls and acting big.. wah piang eh really bth zZzz.. teens nowadays.... and well Bugis also means that i need to go work earlier! and reach home later.. zZzz.. SIANS!

sighs.. why so suay!.. kan sian ah! work work work... until i going mad! fcking low paid job for such stressful work.. i hate my working environment! so wat if its a job people cant easily get?.. all i know is i dont enjoy working in that environment.. ccb no friends no nothing.. all adults.. i feel like a retard everyday..

everyday go there and sit in a environment filled with phone calls and business discussions.. having lunch alone.. and when i cleared my work.. i have nothing to do but sit there and rot for the rest of the day.. when i decide to slack and get out of my desk for abit i will come back to see my mailbox get bombed with new emails and miss calls but if i sit there and stare at the mailbox then i dont get anything wtf.. feeling tired also cant sleep cos my environment all filled with full time hardworking fellas..

go work have to squeeze with pple in mrt.. go home also.. omg lor.. will go mad.. somemore so many cb in mrt.. alot people dam irritating.. and it seems like mrt have a virus.. if you take too long with those kind of people you will get irritated even more easily..

and early morning always see old uncles and weird people.. kns duno what they doing also.. but alot pple dam zzz.. its fck up!.. experience yourself and tell me.. cause maybe only me will have this problem?..

watever it is... this sucks man! NO LIFE! fck i want to rest and enjoy my last bit of freedom!!

if this is a slackish job.. then maybe still alright.. but fck.. its not!.. ccb man alot people like to push the work around.. or never do properly and throw it to you to complete.. and being a sandwich you cant really do much but just do watever is given.. but cb when not done properly u will get blamed.. and some work they delay until very long then deadline come liao they dump it to you and ask you expedite it so that it can be processed by the weekend.. giving you afew days to decide the fate of the project whether it will have to be delayed or able to proceed on time.. and sometimes all these dates will affect business operation and reputation.. so if you fckin slack off or fail to expedite it on time.. fck? blame back to u lor.. cos u're the one appointed to expedite the shit.. average work takes around 1 - 3 WEEKS to complete or approve.. sometimes these people just throw it to you and expect you to expedite it so it can be completed within afew DAYS.. %@#!$!~

sighs.. think liao also sian.. fcking agency also scam me.. say nv take commission.. lan lor.. duno how much they suck out of my salary zzz..

THIS SUCK! no need think of enjoy, relax or do watever with my dar liao lar.. just fuck it and go in to die in army.. this is call LAN LAN!..

HOPE always turns out as disappointments.. so why even bother to HOPE! just accept watever come in your way even if its SHIT! EAT WAT U HAVE AND ALL YOU CAN!!

so pissed off....

zZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:38 PM

random surfing and found this great cosplay.. their styles and clothing were all well done! some of them were so real until it look almost exactly like the animated ones and it makes anime looks as if they're real lol..

great background and sceneries used wonder how they find it..

many thumbs up! those pple really did great with the cosplaying.. <3 their style and everything.. awsome-ness! RAWR!!!!

wish i can cosplay like them too :(..

pokes my fringe.. grow faster! before u all have to be cut and shaved :(..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:13 PM

Happy 10th Anniversary Darling =)..

Hugss :) love you!! hehes.. thanks for the present xD

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:31 PM

Happy new year everyone..

sighs.. scary.. its 2008 le.. fast uh.. this year count down feels totally different.. isnt as exciting as it use to be.. still remember 2007 count down was so crazy.. lols..

aniway yeahs now we get older and older each year.. life of the 20's really is different.. sighs.. things are moving rapidly around us and it seems like we cant take time off them..

sucks.. sucks..

everything changed.. including myself.. though now i change in a way that i became more ignorant towards everything.. when last time i cared too much.. and bring myself so much troubles and problems..

but being ignorant has its own side effects as well.. i didnt made myself change.. i just gradually changed.. being cant be bothered to do anything liao.. sighs.. suddenly im scared of myself.. because my mood is so unpredictable.. a simple thing can change my mood.. i get irritated easier.. and i start to become over realistic.. things that i know or foresee i dont even wana try..

duno how to explain exactly wat im feeling.. but its just bad and nasty shit.. all these changes starting to change me into a cold and emotionless person.. i hardly feel much nowadays..

all i can feel is the dull side of life and how miserable loneliness feels like..

sighs... sickening..

seriously if i cant get out of this.. i duno how much these effects gona change my life.. isit becos of my work now? maybe?.. the urge of feeling helplessly stuck in a shit.. bound by responsibilities... and NS...

sighs.. so lost.. i dun even understand myself.. so i dun expect others to do so.. all i want is they can just stop being retards..

how strong a friendship is, isnt measured by how often they meet up.. to me its more then that.. a friend that meet up 7/7 doesnt mean that he/she could be a true friend.. i dont understand why some of my "ex" friends has to give me the kind of fuckup feeling just becos i dun like to go out and meet up due to personal reason or watever crap im facing.. Is there any problem with not meeting up? i seriously doesnt see any problem for them to get pissed at me.. not like i promised them that i will go.. and most of the time they treat me worst then how they treat those people that hurt or do nasty shit to them.. wat the fck did i do to them man to get double the 'reward' the real nasty people gets??..

and onces they give me this kind of feeling.. good bye.. i will not want to meet up again.. because i know when i meet up they will kbkp about the last incident and so on.. its wtf man.. zZz.. u think i want to meet up to get suaned or to entertain them for wat they've prove to me about the friendship?.. sorry no.. cause theres stuffs i can never tolerate!..

i hate being a sensitive person.. im very sensitive towards the feeling people gives me.. if they arent being truthful etc.. most of the time i can feel.. and it just makes me sick.. because i still have to put up a smile and pretend i dont know wat the hell they are trying to do/say.. seriously being sensitive is dam shit.. i rather be a non sensitive person.. at least you wont feel so screw up when you see all the things you foreseen coming true..

just becos i dun like to be mean to people i know doesnt mean that im not angry.. and if one day all these anger is released which im always trying to hold back for being sensible and also due to what we've been educated by our parents, school about rules, regulations, responsibilities etcs.. i wont be surprise that things might get overly extreme..

aniway the feeling i get is like as if i owe them money and i run away.. -.-.. this is lame shit.. maybe i've seen too much of these thats why i never like to social too much.. becos all these will happen.. and especially when im bad at rejecting people etc..

hais.. when i play maple i see those pple all so united together i really does envy them.. it was also wat i wanted when i was playing RO.. but even after years of effort.. i still failed endlessly and i've given up totally now.. life just seem so hopeless..

maybe becos as a perfectionist we want everything to be gd.. be it in r/s.. friends.. or watever.. but when either one fails it seems to us as if the whole reason to be alive is shattered.. i tried to care less but even so it has problems.. i've no idea how to cure myself already...

recently theres alot of unhappiness in my family.. parents quarrel or watever shit.. im sick and tired to be bothered abt it after the last incident which kills me totally.. this is a shit hole.. ARG! fck la.. my family is screwed up eventhough on the surface it look intact.. but actually theres more then it seems to be.. so disgusting! zzz..

sick and tired of smiling when deep inside you know it wont last.. or worst.. its fake.. i guess im just not easily sastified.. i want everyone and thing around me to be happy.. else i get fed up.. actually to think deeper.. its rather contradicting.. anyone with the right mind can just comment and make me look like a attention seeking retard.. but all i can say is.. only people thats on the same boat can feel where the boat is heading and hows the condition of the boat...

play game does make me think lesser.. its like a morphine to ease the pain.. sighs.. but sometimes morphine is a very depressing process........

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:27 PM