sian.. feeling so lost again.. its 11:02am now and yet i haven eat my breakfast.. really had no appetitide.. sighs.. last night quarrelled with darling again.. well it started off by she asking me about RO.. for some reasons i just feel as if she was suspecting that i wasnt sleeping and was doing something else while giving her the excuse that i was sleeping.. oh well.. i read her explanation awhile ago which was on her blog.. she said she thought that my account got hacked.. oh well but when we was talkin about it she didnt bring this out.. if she did explain to me nicely and let me know then i wont had misunderstood her if i did.. but the feeling she gave me and the way she asked really made me feel as if i was hiding the truth from her.. and i really hate this kind of questioning and feeling.. maybe this time she really didnt meant it but she cant blame me for thinking this way becos she always suspect me in the past.. think that i will be contacting other girls behind her etc.. sighs..

aniway our quarrel got bad becos she said she want to talk to me long etc.. but i didnt feel that i've neglected her today.. i did call her striaght away after i ended school.. not becos i want her to accompany me on the phone back home but i wanted to talk.. but when i got back home.. she ask me to go do my things.. but the way she sounded was like she want to put down the phone.. so i didnt held on and just said ok and we ended the chat.. then i was waiting on iRC for her brother to use finish so she can chat with me inside.. but waited for quite afew hrs her brother was still using the pc.. so i just slacked around and rest.. well then at around 5pm.. she smsed me told me she could use the pc already.. but that time i already on my bed.. but well i did got up and shut down my RO.. becos i dun wan she to think RO is my life again.. but i didnt expect she would login that time.. did she login again cos she feel im in RO and forgotten about her again?.. aniway i dont want to think..

i nv replied her sms at that moment becos im really tired.. and i dont want her to feel that oh she can online already then im going off.. cos she wont like it.. but oh well i guess i just created more problems.. after i logged out of RO i went back to bed.. and felt asleep unknowingly till i got woke up by darling's call at 7pm.. ask me not to miss the channel8 show.. so well i went down and watched tv and ate dinner till around 10:30pm then i went back to my room and called darling again.. but didnt did i expect this call would result in a bad ending.. we talked abit before she questioned about me logging out from RO.. and asked wat time i sleep.. obviously i would feel that shes suspecting me from the questioning.. sighs.. after that she made me felt worst by saying she waited so long to talk to me yet we quarrelled.. wtf.. my mind was in complete blank.. i didnt expect she will take these up and quarrel.. well to me i didnt feel that we've been talking very little.. at least we still did talked right.. its not like we never talked at all.. and afternoon she was the one suggesting to hang up.. how do she expect me to read her mind that oh she want to talk more.. i shouldnt hang up.. sighs.. this really made me upset..

actually for the past few days after our last quarrel.. i really love the feeling she gave me.. trying to be understanding, reasonable, better and allowing me to have my own private space when needed.. we did had a much better love life and i was happy.. but yet now i felt as if everything is back to square 1 again.. im really upset.. sighs.. i really dont know wat to do.. right after the quarrel i lied on my bed.. i did saw her sms asking "Are you feeling better or still the same?" but i dont know how to reply.. replying im feeling better is a lie.. saying im still the same she prolly will start another quarrel or so.. so in the end i didnt replied.. and after awhile she start calling me.. total about 15 miss calls with the last one at 2:12am.. i didnt answer.. becos i dont know wat to say and im afraid the quarrel might get worst if i did answer.. so i felt i need to give myself and her sometime to chill down.. sighs.. i tried to sleep.. but i woke up countless time in the night.. and everytime i open my eyes.. the first thing that comes into my head is our quarrel.. the whole night im being bothered by it.. sighs..

sighs.. i dont know wat to do anymore.. and well my parents still in bad mood.. ever since they quarrelled about my grandmother issue on Sunday morning.. the whole family just so shit up.. until today its still the same.. some people are very good at handling problems and stress.. but i must admit im the worst at handling such things.. all these is driving me nuts.. and not to mention what happened in class yesturday.. couldnt stand it anymore..

well sorry darling that i couldnt be there for u after we quarrel.. but at least u had someone else to console u.. but who can i call or find when i need someone?.. hais.. all i can do is bottle them up..

aniway i'll end here.. might continue when i get back from school later.. going to prepare for school...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:02 AM

well.. today is a just another homely day for me.. well last night actually going to play RO with darling.. but at 1am+ when she was cooking noodles for supper i suddenly felt so tired.. eyes closing.. so i went to lie on the bed.. and unknowingly i kinda fell asleep.. until darling called my hp then i woke up.. but well was tired so darling told me to sleep.. so i went back to sleep after she hang up..

well then woke up at 9+am.. when i woke up still feel so restless.. whenever i wake up i dont feel energetic.. dont know why.. isit cause my bed too hard?.. dont know why parents will buy a bed that wont soften after so many years.. my parents bed also hard de.. but my sister is so soft wor.. hais.. sometimes wish to move to her room and sleep.. but like a bit weirdy so i never..

aniway just bathed.. before that went to cut hair with mum.. well cause darling said my hair long liaos.. and i also felt so.. well when i came back darling ask me take a picture of me smiling and with my hairstyle to let her see.. but i dont really feel like.. dont know why.. maybe just not in the mood to take picture.. but hais duno how to tell her too and dun want to disappoint her so well i still tried my best to take it.. but just couldnt force myself to smile..

well earlier in the noon darling was helping me with my monk again.. gained some more exp today.. hmm think maybe by this weekend can hit lvl96 already.. but i wonder how to reach lvl99.. need to spend alot of time on it if i want to reach lvl99.. but i know if i do that then darling gona get angry again.. hais.. so well i better dont bahs..

hais.. just now in irc can see that darling got try to cheer me up by being lame and stuff.. well did made me feel alittle better.. but dont know if she enjoy doing that.. cos i know she dont like to say those kinda lame things.. sighs.. but right now my mood just got alittle bad.. called darling just now.. dont know why just call her out of the blue.. but she kinda upset me by being rude.. i was just asking who was the girl in the show then she reply me in a tone which i dont like.. i also nv watch channel U's those taiwan/hk shows much de and i also not so familiar with those names nor those celebrities.. then i just ask her only cos i not sure then she reply me with that kind of tone.. haiz.. nvm i admit im dumb.. ahya i also dont know..

hais its my fault since i myself go watch the show de.. next time i dont want to watch or ask her things i dont know anymore becos it always happens when i ask questions..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:17 PM

hellos, firstly i want to thanks my darling for changing my blogskin.. hehe now same as hers.. thanks alot sweety.. i love it ^.^..

well lets talk about yesturday.. everyone knew we had a earth shaking quarrel lols.. yea really was the worst we ever had.. she really pissed me off yesturday by assuming that RO is my everything and even ask me to marry RO.. dots.. if RO is my everything i wont even reply her sms nor answer her calls at all.. im really going crazy by her assumption and stuffs.. was really so pissed off.. and we even scream at each other on the phone.. and it was the first time i really almost released all my anger.. becos normally when we quarrel i only listen and reply in a normal tone.. but yesturday i was boiling and really made me scream.. first time i ever scream at a girl on the phone..

but well after talking for the whole late afternoon we eventually got better and with the advise from dajie as she joined our conversation on the phone.. well i dont want to say whose right whose wrong.. all i can say is yea we did had communication problems and we see things at different point of views.. actually if u ask me why i want to play RO.. i already explained before.. its becos i've play it since around sec3 as my good friend recommended me to play.. and after tat we just kinda got hooked onto it.. at that time we keep playing games becos at that point of time games seems to be the thing thats holding us together.. sighs.. but after sometime i realise that through gaming i can gain the kind of sastifaction i cannot achieve in real life.. and also becos its the only thing that allow me to kill time at home.. as im not a very active person that like going out due to restriction set by parents since i was young.. sighs theres alot of story to write about my childhood life so i better not..

aniway back to topic.. after our endless quarrel.. i eventually cool off and i talk to darling on irc.. but she wasnt happy still eventhough the matter was kinda solved on the phone.. so i tried to cheer her up by being lame and disgusting lol.. eventhough on the process she did made me feel abit angry from the way she type but i just cant be bothered about those and continue to try to lame with her.. eventually i end up laughing infront of the screen becos our laming got really crazy.. she find it too disgusting etc.. but i kinda like it.. becos i like it when theres time to be childish and time to be matured.. so thru all these childish chatting i really smiled and cheered up.. maybe i end up cheering up myself instead of her lol.. but well i was really happy and all the bad things just seem to disappeared.. good thoughts starts appearing in my mind.. and eventually i start thinking of going to find her.. so i planned out something in the last minute..

then she said she was hungry and wanted to down 7-11 to get some mini oreos.. so i told her not to go as i dont think its safe to go yet.. and after awhile at 11:44pm i faster rush to bath and dig out watever cash i got and took cab down to her house.. on the way there i was so worried that she might not want to come down anymore cos she say if too late she dont want to come down anymore.. and i also worried that she might had already went down when i was bathing.. so after i reached i went to 7-11 to buy her the mini oreos and some cookies and immediately smsed her saying i just bathed finish and wasnt feeling well in the bathroom.. lol try to make it sound unsuspicious.. cos earlier on i feel that she already kinda sense that im gona do something.. so well after that she reply me and ask if i want to talk to her on the phone while she go buy.. so i called her.. after tat i try to pretend that i was still in my house room while talking to her.. until she went into the lift i was waiting at level5 and i pressed for the lift and she was shocked cos she see no one lol! then when the door closing i pressed again.. and she was scared lol then on the 3rd time i jump into the lift when the door open hahaha both of us still listening on the phone lols.. darling was scared by me lol.. then i faster hug her also so she wont be scare le lols.. i tot shes gona be very very surprised lol but hmm alittle less then wat i expected but still quite a success lol.. and also becos this is the first time im trying such thing to a girl.. so i was pretty nervous too actually lol.. was afraid i will screw up the surprise but phew luckily it still worked out lol.. im glad.. ^^z..

aniway after that we went to 7-11 again becos darling want to buy choc bar for her brother.. lols.. after that we went back to her house.. and we spent time together and watched Silent Hill which darling had been waiting to watch with me.. we watched it at around 2am.. and lasted till around near 4am.. after that show we slack awhile then i went back ler.. becos it was gona rain and i got to leave before her parents and my parents wake up too.. else we're going to get grounded.. so darling sent me to the lift and i went to get a cab home.. darling accompanied me on the phone but i ask her to rest first sinces shes tired too.. when i got home it was near 5am.. i called darling as i told her i'll call her when i get home.. after tat we chat awhile then i ask darling to sleep liao since she was really tired.. then i slept at 6am.. didnt went for WoE on RO either.. cos i was tired..

but well i didnt slept well.. dont know why keep waking up.. and also later on i was irritated by the noise in my house so i got up at late morning.. well i will not want to describe about the noise and the source.. cause its unpleasant thats all i can say.. after that i went down and when i saw my breakfast i was kinda having no appetitide to eat.. so i didnt ate.. but later on mum still forced me to eat.. hais.. then somehow i was very irritated by the noise and i blast my musics and ate force myself to eat my breakfast.. at the same time darling also just woke up so was talking to her as well..

after that we kinda chat awhile then darling ask me wat im going to do.. so i told her maybe i go watch some movies on my sister computer if nothing to do.. then she ask me why dont want to play RO.. then i feel that this is a sensitive question lol.. dont know if shes testing me or wat.. but i told her i cant or else shes gona ask me marry RO again.. lols.. but she said.. just go play if i want.. wow thats kinda scary lol.. but i dont really dare even if she said so.. cos dont want later she not happy again.. but aniway we did played awhile later on becos i need to login to pass and transfer her some items..

after transfering we chat in irc again and rest as well.. then at around 4pm darling was doing her blog.. so i ask her if i can go level my monk in RO.. actually i want to lvl my monk to 99.. and also i dont really want to waste this extra 50% exp rate which ends on the 28th of june 2006.. but at the same time i also dont want her to get angry again or so.. so i ask her if i could.. and surprisingly she said go level bah silly.. i was surprise but at the same time i dont know if she meant wat she said.. but i also dont want her to do nothing when i was leveling.. so i ask if she want to use priest to support my monk.. and she said ok o.o.. but asked me to wait for her while she finish blogging.. so i tell her its ok i can wait.. then i waited and after that i teach her how to use priest's skills.. but i was worried that shes gona force herself to do it so i keep telling her if shes tired or so just let me know and i will stop the training.. she said its ok.. so we trained for 1hour until she said shes tired then we quitted.. she did a great job on supporting me.. especially on the first attempt.. thanks darling.. =) i was happy with it..

after that we went back to iRC and i ask darling go drink water.. as she always never drink de.. hmms.. then i happen to ask her about blog things and eventually lead to skins and darling helped me changed my blogskin to the same as hers.. lol thanks =)..

aniway i love this song.. hehe no more saddy song like my old blog ler.. this song is nice and i just like it dont know why lols.. aniway tats all ler bahs.. =) such a long entry lol.. type until my eyes blur ler..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:06 PM

oh well.. im back to blog again.. life hasnt been great but due to the reason that i dont want pple to think i always blog bad stuffs that why i've stop blogging for the past periods.. but now i guess i got no choice.. becos all my anger i blowing up inside of me..

oh well i havent read dar's blog till today.. and it really trigger me off.. if i've heart attack i would had died already.. shes really unreasonable and i meant it.. im not just being a unresponsible guy.. i did and tried my best already.. those that knew about our problems will be able to see..

but now i feel that no matter how i tried to change.. things will still be the same.. u also know i changed.. but u never really appreciate wat i do anyway right.. and when did i show u attitude before.. everytime whose the one showing attitude and starting all the quarrels.. last night i tot u really would care about wats causing my unhappiness but end up u added oil to it by involving our relationship problems..

u want me to give u 100% attention i already tried k.. and come on its not about RO thats causing all these problem alright.. and who was the one that wanted to go back RO it wasnt me.. u told me u wanted to play dancer..

ok nvm about the above post.. since just now we already talked it out on the phone.. and i know maybe i misunderstood her about the movie thingy.. so im not going to talk abt it anymore.. k i admit the misunderstood about the movie maybe is becos i nv listen properly..

aniway i dun wan to talk much liaos.. cos really tired.. been talkin about these whole thing the whole day.. going crazy.. no point talkin le becos all we want to say already said to each other on the phone and online..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:51 PM