well well..

here i am again hahas..

actually i should be very happy this weekend.. cos i dont have to work.. but sighs im upset.. cos of some shit that happened on friday.. and it killed me totally lols.. sick of it..

aniway came back around 1hr+ ago from our celebration of zhenning 21st birthday =P..

so yeah..

Happy 21st Birthday Zhenning!

hehe.. hope you enjoyed urself just now xD...

im dead beat lol.. and well babe computer got virus.. and shes reformatting now.. poor babe.. so tired le still got to stay up to fix her pc.. sighs..

life is always filled with unpredictable event.. thats the most scary thing..

anyway.. sob last day of the weekend lols.. then a full week of hell working.. eerks.. faints!.. im going to sleep very early tonight.. hate the feeling of forcing ur eyes to open..

okies and below is the new song by 郭美美! Jocie Guo Mei Mei !!

song title 爱情女神 Ai Qing Nu Shen (Love Goddess)



its so catchy and nice.. best thing is its a convert from God is a girl by Groove coverage..

i love it! xD

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:44 AM

finally.. its sat.. i just got up from my sleep.. been a couple of days since i get to sleep till this hr of the day again lols..

well i started working on wednesday.. it was so sudden.. as i dont have much notice in advance.. and onces they contact me.. i was expected to start work the next day.. gawd..

sighs.. well this job is really stressful for me and it really pushes me to do stuffs i didnt like before.. lols like taking lots of public transport?.. waking up at 6 50am every morning.. and learning to communicate with adults.. which im not good at..

aniway somehow though i dont have to work today i still cant really enjoy my sleep.. sighs.. i tot i would be able to have a really good rest.. but watever.. hope i will really get used to it.. like wat benson said.. he mention that he also felt like that in the first few weeks..

hais.. my life is really not on the track.. theres so much things i regret not doing properly.. its hard to describe my inner feelings.. but it just a deep feeling of being lost and helpless.. watever it is.. life still has to go on uh?..

aniway just through these few days of work.. i've seen and experience of hows life gona be as a real adult with family.. everyone around me is at least in the late 20s, 30s or more in the office.. the stuffs they talk about and such just makes me feel stressed..

sighs..

seriously we all need to know of our future plans.. its such a pain when u know u need to do something but u just couldnt get it done..

hais.. looking back too much is really bad.. its really time we look ahead now.. and give up on things that need to be given up..

as for gaming.. im moving towards ending my gaming life soon.. if i were to quit RO.. im not going to play anymore game.. sick of it.. it had caused enough damage to my life already..

aniway later tonight we gona celebrate zn 21st birthday.. heh hope it's gona be a great night.. sighs then tmr i think im gona have some family lunch thingy.. and darling also gona be busy tmr.. sighs.. and before i know it.. its gona be monday..

the coming week's going to be long and hard.. i better be prepared for wats coming my way..

time just seem to get lesser and lesser.. especially when im moving towards the army enlistment date..

kinda bothering..

feeling stucked up...

miss darling.. you play an important role to why im still able to withstand all these shit in my life.. sighs hugs babe and thanks again..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:06 PM

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:59 PM

well.. im back from genting =o...



went there on saturday morning.. left the hse at 6+am.. and well i must say im dead beat.. guess i shdnt had hung out till so late with zn, cj and benson on friday.. lols.. im so tired as i slept at ard 3+am near 4.. and had to get up at 6am to prepare and leave for genting..



went with my whole family and darling.. well the drive there is really nuts.. drove for like 6-7hrs i believe.. cause we reach genting during noon..



it's my first time and yea im pretty amazed with the scenerio there.. can see the clouds drifting etc.. well all i can say is some of the scenerio is pretty hard for me to put them into words..



well the road up to genting is steep and curvy.. make it looks as if its really Initial D.. lols.. its scary though..



aniway ima not gona blog out every single details.. cos its gona be too long winded.. i would say yeah i would like to go there again.. this trip was pretty fun and interesting but sad thing was we only stayed for 1 night and it was too rush.. but the worst is because my ulcer in my mouth hasnt healed.. and i basically couldnt eat.. so therefore i failed to taste alot of nice looking food.. =(..



this ulcer is a pain in the ass.. u cant open ur mouth properly as it hurts and u cant chew too much.. basically any movement in the jaw will trigger the pain.. arghs.. hate it..



im reading online sites now to find a faster cure for it.. cause the last time when i had this problem it took about 1week+ to heal.. sighs..



aniway the next time when i get to go genting again i must make sure im in the best condition so i can enjoy myself to the max..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:50 PM

naruto anime is just getting more and more interesting and touching as it goes.. sad thing is that we got to wait so long for each eps.. =c

sighs aniway so touching.. sometimes i wonder how come some pple dont feel anything when they watches emo scenes? isit becos they just watch it and dont try to feel wats going on or isit becos they're too positive so everything tat seems so hard to accept can be so easy for them?..

hmm.. aniway these few days have been rather disturbing for myself.. doing alot of soul searching on certain issues.. and as usual i always cant make a proper decision for myself.. becos i cant find a perfect decision..

sighs aniway i dont really like to watch romance or emo shows too much cos it tend to affect my mood after that.. and it might trigger alot of thoughts in my mind.. so i rather watch horror/thriller/action.. at least they wont have that much of a after impact on myself.. /sigh..

being a perfectionist is so tiring.. are we all pre-programmed before we're born? no idea.. the thing about life itself already has too much questions.. everyday we live in this world we're in.. but we've no idea wats life is and where we're from.. how we get the ability to think, feel and move?.. human always use science as a fact for everything.. but wat if science is just something create to convience humans so we dont keep thinking about things we dont know.. so we're complied to all these 'facts'..

and were religions created so people have something to look forward to after death and convience them about the after life? so people dont fear death?.. seriously all these questions are so disturbing to ask.. theres so much more questions about life and the world if we want to think about it..

i guess we'll only know wats going on when we die..

lols.. sometimes i see life as a weird cycle..

aniway enuff of my random crapping.. these questions are better off not to think about them.. else it just hinder us from moving on in life.. but sometimes certain thing in life just makes me wonder..

what are we doing and wats our purpose..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:41 PM

sighs so bored..



babe just started school.. i know sch work gona be piling up very soon.. and that babe wont have much time to be with me.. i understand.. hugs darling.. hope everything will be fine in school!

love you <3

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:03 AM

sighs so bored..

babe just started school..

so well theres goals for her now and shes gona be very busy soon..

while im still wandering around aimlessly.. still fighting with myself not to give up on dreams.. sighs everyday thinking and thinking of how to make dreams grow and develop.. just so sickening..

aniway i guess this probably is the last hope and attempt.. since in around 5mths time i wont be able to wander around like now already..

hope god can make my wish come true.. let there be miracle in RO within this 5mths.. but deep inside me i know the chances of it coming true is very slim.. sighs..

stressed out..
lost..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:03 AM

today is the 7th anniversary day with darling..

but the whole day has been destroyed due to stupid guild drama.. im so pissed off right now till i duno wat to say..

onces again it just demoralize me even more regarding the guild..

just becos of a little eternia shit everyone is talking about leaving the guild and crap.. is this how loyalty work?.. and do they even have the minimum respect for the guild and myself.. i just stare at the chat the whole time and hope things will sort out soon.. but it just get worst and worst..

from personal problems they bring it into the guild as a guild problem now.. so it just smack dreams right into this shit.. and talking of breaking alliance like as if they didnt cared.. if thats so.. why do they even bother saying they want an alliance since the start?!.. i didnt planned to ally so soon.. if it wasnt due to someone who keep bringing it up to me that we shd try out..

and now when shit happens they say break alliance.. as easy and simple as it seems uh.. people are all so self centered.. i've have a hard time trying to get things going and well not to mention this fcking drama.. when shit happens.. where it all end up to?.. THE LEADER!..

i tried to stay as low profile and drama free as possible.. but fck shit have to happen.. and u know wat happens.. pple dont pick it out on the pple that caused it.. but the whole guild.. and the leader.. and people who started it can easily quit guild one day and maybe get over with it.. but a guild reputation onces smashed.. will always be bad..

i dont wan to create any shit now becos our guild is still so weak and unestablished.. creating drama and making us "well known" only kills our future development.. know why other guild can be so bossy and crap?.. its either becos they're already strong or they have some backing somewhere..

but dreams?.. we're still growing.. sighs.. sickening!.. the issues was already there.. but people dont bother to settle it out in private or watever.. and now when it clashes they start making a big fuss over it.. like why the leaders nv do this and that.. blame blame blame.. is this how humans love to get on with their lives?

they dont wan to spend more time improving themselve strengthen the guild etc but spending time on all these craps..

im lost of words..

if can i also wish to just stand alone with 56 members.. but look.. the guild only has like 10+ pple active.. imo if we arent that strong ourselves we dont have any rights to go comment on other people crap.. saying pple suck or watever.. cos we cant even fix our own mess.. trying so hard to get pple on and active.. but how hard can i do it?.. point a gun at their head and say u better fcking play?.. of cos not.. so well if the members themselve dont wana put in the effort and devotion.. i cant do much either...

i know theres pple that really care and shown effort like raina and dar.. but its not enuff... we need more pple who really share the same views..

i seriously wonder why shd i continue to devote so much.. it just seems like watever i do it doesnt help at all.. DnS is doing so much better interm of their recruitment and etc.. at least they have decent amount of trans... more then us.. imo dns is feeling bossy in the alliance becos of their strength.. if we want to make them respect us etc.. our members need to work harder get more lvls and trans.. its just like real life.. the richer and higher educated one will be more respected in the society..

i really hope pple can stop talking and spending time into uneeded place but work on themselves.. if they want to pick a fight.. wats the point of using typing and mouth.. just freaking level high and show it in real action.. kill those pple in WoE and make them STFU.. thats the best way imo.. no point gaying over text... it just irritates me!..

i cant stand Eternia and i will not.. im quiet doesnt mean im not pissed or i dont bother.. i just want to be realistic.. shut up now and return the favour next time.. no point talking now... the other reason why im quiet is becos i also see some fault of our side.. when they started wacking in WoE.. all those could have been avoided.. but everyone just went stubborn and watever i say doesnt make a difference...

sickening..

The guild need more to grow up and be stronger!!...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:51 AM

bahs.. just bathed finish my dog.. doggy smell all over me.. bahhs... gona bath soon and gotta go out for family dinner..

darling is having her pig sleep as usual.. in my room.. while i kinda tired but cant sleep already.. perhaps the sleeping time is over.. well didnt slept at all.. yesterday went to watch resident evil extinction with the guys and darling..

well it was kinda disappointing in some sense that i was expecting more action and storyline i think.. just feels abit disappointed..

after that we went for supper and slacked.. chat abt many stuffs and laughed at our old sec sch days.. funny yet so memorable.. sometimes just wish we were back there living those lives again.. sighs..

RO came into the topic.. and yeah i duno how in the end.. end up kinda brought everyone back to talking abt it like old days.. the kinda endless conversation about the game and how we got owned before etc.. in the end burnt 3 RO folder dvd for the guys and watched the hill have eyes 2 before the guys left at 6am..

atm cj is back in the guild and wx is too.. benson and zn im not sure.. im surprised that they would talk abt RO again and look interested again.. yeah im happy.. it just brings back memories and the fun times somehow.. those crapping in guildchat and such.. doing lame stuffs in game and screaming over the conference etc.. lol...

sighs.. today is a bad day for the guild.. its possible that the current alliance will break due to a fuckup guild called eternia.. maybe the leader is very good with his speech and he managed to psycho most of the alliance into believing him etc.. but before that the alliance didnt had good impression on them.. and now they're siding on that bastard and gona push the blame to Dreams..

this is totally screw up.. it just irritates me so much to see fuck up people getting the most out of life.. does the bad always win?...

so well if the alliance is dumb enuff to break the alliance due to this bastard.. we've no choice.. but they better not pick on us in woe.. else its gona piss me off..

talk to david before and yea we miss the old days.. when schnitzer still around.. thou its due to nitzer that Elites fall apart and having drama and disputes causing people to quit etc.. but nitzer had the leadership i think.. he can scream and yell at pple and they still follow his orders.. is this the difference between a person who has leadership and one who hasnt?.. or its just pure manipulation skills?.. and well if they didnt turn against nitzer.. by now the guild could be one of the strongest in the server..

im tired.. very.. but yet i dun feel like giving up without any sense of achievements.. sighs im so irritated..

lol just saw cj's msn nick.."Life's simple, you make choices and you don't look back".. perhaps i look back too much sometimes?.. sighs but not like i can help it.. sometimes we just couldnt help ourselves.. /sigh

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:21 PM

shd i just give up on this dream?.. i think im almost at the end of it.. im REALLY.. sick and tired of pushing people to do this and that.. NOTHING get accomplished still... so dam sickening.. makes me wonder why am i fighting this endless war trying to succeed in something thats obviously fated to have no future..

it just pisses me off.. no matter how hard i try.. nothing seem to change.. everyday i get on this "job" looking at it.. and start to wonder why am i even doing this...

yes its my wish and my dream.. but.. its starting to make me feel that its going to be pointless doing it..

wats holding me back is the hope for miracle.. i wan to prove myself that i haven wasted my years of effort and sacrifises.. but well.. i guess its just fated.. u know this is just like a loser that dont accept defeat.. or just another gambler then thinks the next bet gona be better.. and just keep loosing more and more each try..

i dont have much time left till i enter the army.. and also becos of this.. im feeling even more impatience with it.. i wan to see some REAL results.. but till now.. everything still in a big fat mess..

i want to see dar 99 and eventually trans.. but i think i can forget abt it.. its make me wonder how many shares the same dream as i do.. worst is pple making me feel like the share the same dream and turns out as disappointment..

this happen ALL the time.. its making me real sick of it.. people always say but when it comes to doing.. they slack off their promises..

everyday im fighting with myself on whether i shd just give up.. yet i cant bear to see all the time and effort just get wasted like that.. i want to achieve my dream and goal.. but i alone cant do anything.. the kind of feeling is totally shit up..

so anxious to do something but not many around u are serious enough to achieve something.. and when something screws up.. they blame each other, they complain and do lots of shit except working on the problem..

so sick of it... if i can choose.. i rather not start it.. becos when i start something i want to make sure its perfect or it succeed.. becos i tend to put too much hope onto it...

so irritated...! every little thing is making me pissed off..

i seriously feel like SCREAMING at those people that keep making me disappointed and irritated!.. all these anger that keep adding on in me.. just make it so hard to be happy again...

i wish im a evil person.. so i can fucking scold people without feeling any sympathy or watever.. just pure relief from all the anger... why is it so easy for some people to give hell to others but yet so hard for me!!..

i think i going to have high blood pressure or heart attack soon..

i can only wish and rant here.. cos i know nothings going to change in real life..

Im forever myself.. and that will mean.. problems will always be there... wat can i do?.. hope the infamous NS will change me into someone different!..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:36 PM