got back from sch not long ago.. today really is a sick day.. im really feeling uncomfortable from morning till even now.. flu, cough, headache, stomachache, and feverish feeling..

there was so much work and instruction given to me today.. as expected.. sighs cos i already finished the first task.. and well this new task is much more complicated and tedious.. well i didnt accomplish much today due to the sicky feeling.. really made me couldnt work at all.. but yeah i still manage to do something..

no choice.. cos this task is due next week.. so i got to hurry up with it.. sighs.. ima sleep early tonight so well i got energy tmr to rush thru the job.. pray tat i recover yea? sighs.. i hope...

....

to be updated... realli feeling uncomfortable...

details to be added..

-lunch with derek
-siyin
-yun sis
-ling
-task details and briefing by advisor and supervisor..
-blah blah blahs...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:28 PM

wahs just come back from clubbing.. wat a freaking tiring night! omg.. been so long since i dance non stop.. now really veri tired.. kk ima go enjoy a good bath and a good sleep ler..

byes!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:18 AM

yawns! so tired.. wows another tiring day.. and well just got back from town.. watched Dead or Alive (DOA) at GV Plaza Sing.. well quite disappointing.. cos the show is pretty lame..

but well for those who like to see girls in bikini's / bras.. i think it would be to ur favour.. hahas.. cos the lead girls in the show are like 80% or should i say 100% of the time in those??.. and well yea kinda exposing cos they are fighting with those on?.. well but they sure had good figures.. yups.. so if u dont mind spending some cash to watch a couple of girls fighting in their bikinis then i think u would find the show good =)..

lols.. overall i would say maybe a 6.5/10 rating.. not really tat great.. eventhough there're some pretty nice fight senes but it still doesnt make up for the lack of storyline.. hm or isit im too strict? lmao.. aniway go watch the movie urself and give your own ratings =)..

well there were also other events today.. in school and after.. but sometimes i guess its best not to be said hehe..

for now ima go sleep.. im tired.. need the energy for tomorrow! and yeah i got to work tomorrow morning! cos yea its almost end of the month already so well lots of work to be completed at dad's office.. goshh..

oh yeah and before i go..

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY ZHENNING!!

hahas its his official birthday today! 28th Oct 06.. but sadly yeah he has field camp so he cant book out this weekend.. and thats why we celebrated his birthday last week..

ok better go off lerh..

nites!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:09 AM

as usual.. just got back from school.. lol this semester like always come back between near 6pm to 7pm.. sighs who knows i might need to stay longer in school when i am given more task to do for my project..

well today.. i skipped the 9am-10am lecture again cos im tired.. gosh notti me haha!.. next week must really attend it ler.. cant let this become a habit.. else im gona get screwed for the attendance.. erks...

aniway i went to sch at 1+pm.. sighs as usual.. CSA lecture is hell of a boring crap.. especially the lecturer.. i dont even understand wat on earth he's teaching /swt..

hmms.. after tat at 3pm its INT lab and the sky also started to rain heavily kinda thunder storm sia.. aniway when the lift opened i saw bengua coming out with his classmates lols! almost couldnt recognize him sia due to his hair style and wow he dye it to red colour oh my gosh!.. but he recognized me and called me saying "YC!! wah finally saw u in sch lols!" and yea he was asking me where im having my class at.. then i say upstairs then he say wah he going home liaos.. haha tmd tat kuku so good end school so early.. aniway yeah its also the first time i saw him in school.. he also a chiongster lol and he know the MU peeps as well thats how i knew him.. well aniway during INT lab the lecturer added tomorrow's tutorial in it too cos he say tomorrow there will be no tutorial due to some meetings or stuff that he had.. so well the lesson was really a long draggy 2hrs.. i have to agree with my friend that he suck at teaching!!.. everyone in the class was like "dots.." dun think anyone understand wat on earth he's teaching.. goshh.. all the Java programming.. confuse the hack out of us especially with the way he's teaching.. it really make me lose interest with the module lor.. dotss.. and well its really freezing in the class too due to the heavy rain outside.. eerk.. make us sleepy and bored..

this semester it seems like all the lecturer is so crappy at teaching.. but lucky my project advisor and supervisor are both great.. else its really gona be a tormenting time for me.. haiz..

and well abt my project.. the first task tats given to me had been completed.. so now im just gona wait for new task to be given on monday.. then lifes gona get very busy again..

btw last night siyin was teaching me japanese lol! omg.. cos she say inexchange of helping her with a website.. omg i feel so stress now lol.. scare i couldnt do a good job for her.. ewwk.. got time ima go revise on web designing and animations stuffs.. i really kinda forgotten all of them ><..

lastly about my emotions.. well... i dont know but still feeling messed up.. many things in my mind.. i also dont know how to express them out now.. hais.. aniway ima go eat my dinner leh.. mum made PIZZA!! Yummy!! xDD..

so well sayonara for now! hees..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:03 PM

just got home from sch.. sians man its raining now.. hais.. well ling they all are at vivocity now.. so good.. too bad i got no energy to go out.. else i dun mind joining them.. sighs i guess nowadays weekdays is impossible for me to go out lerh.. only weekend.. cos my classes are all kinda early and my schooling hours are long due to project..

sighs.. just now saw joanne outside project room too! wow so surprised.. cos i was going to keep my tools in the locker then while walking there i saw a girl in dress.. wow when i almost walk pass her then she call me then i realised that shes joanne.. wow.. really surprised.. cos shes having attachment.. so i never expect she will be back in school too.. aniway she say shes here to visit christine they all.. lol.. but she funny la.. keep saying "kuai dian hui jia la" lol.. keep chasing me home.. so yeah didnt talk to her much..

well got home.. chatted with siyin.. and well was talkin about future wat to do etc.. she was saying her interest is in drawing mangas and animations.. so well we was talking in this area and suddenly i suggest maybe she should publish her works online.. and she said shes bad with website designing.. so well i offered to help her out in making one.. lol and she was kinda excited about it.. im glad i can make her happy though.. its insane how many projects they are doing.. she said they are doing like 10 projects.. faints!.. Biomedical Engineering really scary sia.. pheww.. no wonder they always stay until so late in their project.. and btw their project room is just beside mine..

hais.. right now im feelin alittle lost.. suddenly i got a urge to take up dance classes sia.. hip hop, freelance or any.. wondering should i anot.. scare i will made a fool of myself in the class though lols! cos im kinda those shy kinda =x.. bahhs..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:26 PM

finally i get out of my bed.. gahh.. i didnt got a good sleep at all although i slept early.. somehow just keep turning around on my bed.. trying to find a good position.. well after i fall asleep i still keep having dreams or watever that made me keep waking up in the night.. argh.. so irritating..

hm.. just read koni's blog.. hehe woah i guess she finally followed her heart and attained the courage to love onces again.. erm well she mentioned cutie bf.. so i guess yea shes attached now =).. i sincerely wish her all the best and hope they both cherish each other till the end.. ^^.. well i guess that also mean lesser contact from her ler and yeah i also shdnt contact with her so much.. haha as u know.. when pple are attached they're restricted sometimes.. i duno wat will happen.. aniway koni if u need someone to talk to when u encounter any problems... im still always available to share with u.. drop me a call but if i nv pick up drop me a sms.. *cheers*

well yesturday kangwei kinda ask me to go out with the rest but i didnt respond cause im really tired and moodless.. its like i've been so busy since term start.. cant get a rest at all.. everything moving so fast and sudden.. haha.. but well i know im not so lazy already..

and yeah i've quit gaming.. no more RagnarokOnline.. well quitted quite awhile back.. since the holidays.. many reasons were involved.. but overall its becos i feel its time i moved on.. game isnt everything in life.. reason why i keep playing games for the past years is becos i wana avoid reality.. but now its time to face it and learn new things..

although i still play abit of maple story now and then due to shiny jie and others.. but really isnt much already.. last time whenever i get to use my com i will be gaming.. now its either i stare at the com or i just surf around.. listenin to music, looking at friends blog, blogging or watch a movie..

yups.. hais.. and well suddenly i realised something.. if i dare to fight for my rights and yong gan de que ai.. my love life wouldnt be likedat..

hahas.. watever.. Yc you're just a failure in everything.....

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:58 PM

sighs.. right now my mood.. is pretty messed up.. confused and everything.. depressed.. why do i get sad so easily.. becos i take emotions too seriously?.. sighs.. i dont know.....

Noriko sent me a song just now on msn.. and i feel its really true.. haha.. sighs.. and through the conversations with the song playing it just created an atmosphere which made me emotionally weak.. memories that had been buried start revealing again..

tear's filling up onces again..

i need a break... but is it going to help?..

sighs..

i'm loosing myself.. seriously girls around me.. please dont treat me too well and show me too much care n concern at my weakest moments.. cos im afraid i'll be touched and fall for you without myself knowing and get myself into deeper hurts or regrets later on..

some people can control their emotions really well.. but for me i feel that i suck in it.. emotions control me not i control it.. hais.. i just always pretend that im fine.. as if im very strong.. but actually im not at all...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:53 PM

just wake up not long.. goshs!! whole body aching haha didnt got a good rest i assume.. aniway i had some dreams last night again.. and well the one that left me the deepest impression was i saw someone calling my hp.. and it was her.. yeah.. hahas.. aniway i think too much ler.. eventhough it was just a dream i remember i was shocked and after tat i woke up from it.. maybe something else happened in the dream but i dont remember liao..

hais.. haha dun think its gona happen aniway.. been ages since she called.. i also duno why i will dream of this.. hais.. maybe cos of heartattack bah HA!..

bahss watever.. hais someone also kinda disappeared liaos or maybe avoiding me.. hais i duno.. i hope not.. haiss dun want to think ler! ignorance is bliss.. hais..

kks im gona get breakfast and lunch.. then gona go town again ler.. hais.. its gona be a rush day!.. hais hais..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:38 PM

just got home.. hmm finally its friday!! gosh.. after almost a week of work and rushing finally i can slow down my pace and relax.. yeahs.. but well this weekend is still pretty rush for me..

cos saturday is zhenning and kangwei's birthday celebration!!.. gosh.. well sad thing is im sandwiched.. one's celebrating the night at mos while the other at mu.. hais.. and i had to attend both.. tell me how?.. hais... sad!!.. i wish i can split myself into 2.. haikss..

aniway yea going to go out again in awhile.. to meet up benson and the rest.. to shop around and see wat we can buy for zhenning.. and also look around for kangwei's present as well..

okies.. ima blog more when i come back??.. i duno if i still got the energy by then though..

haven even write finish today's entry.. and the past stuffs.. argh!!..

"wei she mo.. wei she mo.. weiiii sheee mo?? shi wan ge wei she mo.." bahhs i siao ler ignore that hahaha...

aniway yea i think the "wang qin sui" link broken ler.. cos i dont hear any music when i come in my blog!.. piff.. those website always change their song's link de.. hais..

okok aniway heres another of my fav emo song.. andy lau also got sing it.. but well i kinda like this female version.. sang by some female singer whom i also duno.. hahaha..

the first sentence of the song... "im still waiting for a girl" isit true?.. duno.. but this song onces again represent my feelings in some ways.. arhh.. watever..

okoks.. byebye peeps before im late again!.. be back later in the night..


P.S : Noriko is EVIL!!!!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:36 PM

just got back home.. hais.. another tiring day!.. cant even wake up in the morning.. got up at 8+am due to my mum screaming and yelling at me from downstair.. well at that point i was still half awake and dreaming lor.. i still remember i wasnt having a good dream.. it was sometime like hearing doctor say i got diabetes and something else.. gosh lor so scary!.. so real until when i wake up i still thinkin about it.. gosh! touch wood!!!.. choyy!!.. better drink more water!! erkks..

so well i was gona be late for my 9am lecture so in the end i never attend it.. aniway cos the lecture was only 1hr and i have no class from 10am - 1pm.. so thats why i never go..

hais.. well i reach school at near 11am.. and i went to my project room..

when i checked my school mail i was shocked..

Dear Yangchun,

To process "hiring" you as a lab assistant, I need you to complete some forms by this week (since you will start work next Wed). Please call me at xxxxxxxx as soon as possible. If I am not in, please leave a voice mail. I am not sure if the mobile number I obtained from NPAL is correct: xxxxxxxx.

Regards,
Mdm Tan

she told me on tuesday and i tot she was kinda just saying only.. and she said it wasnt confirmed.. but wahs she send that mail on (see below)

Date: Wednesday, October 18, 2006 11:08AM
Subject: URGENT: Plse pick up some forms from me today

dots.. so i faster reply her say i didnt check my mail yesturday so didnt noe.. and i called her too but she didnt pick up so i left her a voice message as she said so in her mail..

sians aniway another email about..

To: All PD1 students ,

There will be a special briefing for all of you on:

Date: Monday 23 Oct
Time: 5 pm
Venue: AVA Room - Block 8 Level 2.

Attendance is compulsory.

regards,
YongCK
For project committee.

my schedule really so pack gona have so much work and stuffs to do sia.. haiss..

aniway i sat on my project desk and was staring at my project wondering how i can make it better and such..

well then at around 12pm i saw Mdm Tan at my project room level.. then she said she drop by to see if im around.. yea so after tat she pass me those forms.. tell me to photocopy my IC, bank book and O lvl cert and pass it to her by tomorrow.. so well i guess its confirmed le.. so its every weds 3-5pm.. gosh.. but yea i will be paid by the amount of hours..

well she also asked if i want to go for a study trip to China.. even got me those forms too :o.. im still thinking right now though.. see how bahs.. i guess she want me to try to participate in at least one oversea trip hosted by Ngee Ann before i graduate bah.. cos really a good learning experiences i heard.. like wat she told me on monday..

aniway after that i was talkin to her about the project.. well Mr Goh also came later on to test the project.. Mr Kou pass me the PCB board which is the power source and controller for the motor.. and well Mr Goh tested it.. well sadly.. the outcome was unstable! the whole thing start to shake as the motor speed get increased towards the maximum.. and well the whole thing isnt light leh its quite heavy and imagine its shaking.. so well yea Mr Goh was saying i need to change the resistor for the controller so to reduce the voltage for the motor.. and hopefully it will stable it down?..


19.10.06 12:10pm..

the complete set..


hais aniway.. yea time flies.. and its 1pm.. so i went for my CSA lecture.. wahs.. super boring lor.. and im so tired that i keep dozing off in class.. arhhh.. some pics below...


19.10.06 1:53pm..

keep dozing off in the stupid class -.-.. lol the person behind me must be thinking wtf am i doing.. haha!! aniway yea i look so dead...


19.10.06 1:55pm..

yeah how the class look like from my angle.. very boring thats all i can say..

aniway good that he ended the lecture early.. he end at around 2:30pm when its suppose to be at 3pm.. so well i went with a guy to NP-COop and bought some drink.. and slack at our next class block.. mines at Blk6 lvl5 while hes at lvl4 so yea he accompanied me at lvl5 for awhile.. well when we reach lvl5 i saw zhiheng!! omg haha so qiao.. he was talking with a lecturer which i believe is incharge of micro-E division de or watever.. she taught me MPI before.. yeahs.. aniway yea zhiheng told me he was appealing so he dont have to stay for another 6months.. i was blur.. and well he nv tell me much then he went into the lift and go off liaos.. dots.. nvm next time ask him again.. but from wat i guess maybe he failed something that made him got to repeat for another semester? and he's appealing now?.. hmm i dun know..


19.10.06 2.51pm..

aniway yeah this is the view from the place which my friend and i were slacking at.. Blk6 lvl5.. view isnt that bad actually but thanks to the haze.. look at it now... i also not sure wats the PSI at that moment.. all i know is the haze isnt any better...

haiz.. yea after tat i went for my INT practical.. kaos.. really another boring class.. well but nothing much lor.. first lab so well basically just installing softwares.. after that we can go liaos.. after lesson ended.. i went back to my project room and continue with my project..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:07 PM

came back from school at 5:50pm...

well just another day in my project room.. doing soldering work all day long.. smell all the fumes until gona die lerh haha.. was coughing when i was clearing up at 4+pm.. but lucky only awhile..

hmms.. guess the bgmusic of my blog got problem le.. cause i couldnt hear it anymore when i view my blog.. and well aniway i guess i kinda also getting sick of it ler.. although its a very nice song.. so well its time to change it..

found some nice song when i was surfing around.. but sadly couldnt use them as bgmusic..

so well heres another song with meaningful lyrics which almost represent my mood in some area..

i know this song is dammm old lols.. aniway yea i will change it when i got time to find a better song..

i spent the whole night trying to find a good song but end up waiting most of the time.. dots.. cos the loading is so slow.. buffer buffer buffer!!.. ROAR!!..

now i fed up liaos.. so just use this song first bahs.. and im tired too.. nv sleep much and still couldnt get used to school life yet.. i had been too wild during my holidays.. time to tame myself down lerh.. eww..

well just xfer all my photos from my hp to pc.. hhmm gona post up afew of them..


16.10.06 5:42pm..

in project room doing project..


16.10.06 6:44pm..

when i was still in school but walking home.. saw how bad the haze was? at the point it was PSI 140 from what ling told me.. well the sky was still bright although it was almost 7pm.. but it was so hazy until you couldnt see far objects clearly at all even with a bright atmosphere.. dots.. it was just so blur everywhere.. hais.. screw the haze!!


17.10.06 4:03pm..

close view of what i've been doing today and yesturday..




there was a total of 12.. and yeah finally i manage to finish soldering all the wires, resistors and leds on.. so yeah im left with arranging the wires and placing the led into the holder.. so well yeap i should be able to finish before my deadline which is next thursday..

hmm first time posting pictures and using blogger's pic uploader.. i wonder if these picture will be removed after a certain period of time or would they remain here forever? hmm.. bahs.. they better STAY!

hmm and should i upload them as small/medium image? currently they're small.. but somehow im not very sastified with them in some ways.. ahhs.. friends that are reading my blog please give me some advise..

kk i better better get off my pc ler and go sleep.. haiks.. cant believe i spent so many hours trying to find songs and messing with my post.. gawds..

hais.. just now while opening my photos folder to get those pics.. i saw all the past pictures again.. sighs.. and guess wat? i still opened them to see again.. hais.. lots of past memories appeared in my mind.. i still dont understand why things will turn out likedat.. hais nevermind.. aniway think so much also no use ler.. someone please give me a cup of "wang qing sui"......

HA! now i noe wat song to put lerh!!.. this current song i feel that hear too much very irritating.. i've been hearing for like 1hr+ and i really bth ler.. some songs really cannot hear too long sia gosh.. kk time to change!!..

aniway wang qing sui is also a nice song with very meaningful lyrics and also something i really need if it exist in this world.. forget all my emotions!!.. hais.. still remember i use to sing this song with my sec sch buddies.. miss going ktv with them and singing emo songs.. hais..

kk ima go sleep after i change the song.. before i get emo.. about the past and present.. hais... i guess its normal bah no matter wat people will still have feelings for their ex's especially to those whom they once loved deeply.. or maybe this only applies to emotional people like me? hais if so then im really the biggest fool alive.. hais i also duno larhs.. i dont want to think!

aniway i should SHUT UP and really go off liaos..

SAYO~!!

nights!!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:53 PM

hais.. i so tired until i almost forgot somethin important!.. kk ima stay awake!..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:24 PM

just updated and publish some of the older post.. but some still not fully written.. cos im really very very tired today and right now my eyes are like half opened?.. so i really got not much energy to think and write out all the details that happened..

aniway i really hate going back to poly.. its those kinda miserable feeling again.. cos i dun mix well with those pple.. so yea in school im always a soloist.. so yea its freaking boring.. moving around alone and such.. yeahs..

one word.. SIAN!..

i really miss my holidays hahas.. and working is much better.. arghs.. watever.. worst part is now i have FYP = Final Year Project.. to do! and wah kao lor duno wat the shit happen to the guy that suppose to be teamed up with me.. its seems like im going to do the freaking 1 year project on my own!.. wat the fck??..

good and bad.. but its really very very tiring!..Every Monday and Tuesday 8 - 5pm striaght project work and including deadlines to meet.. best is my first deadline is next thursday lor!! FAST right?? kns.. im already starting to feel the stress liaos.. not to mention there will be many panel reviews and things soon.. so i must be prepared to do MANY presentation on my project.. holy shit!..

hais haisss... hao bahss i go sleep ler.. i really very very tired!.. i will update my blog soon.. theres still ALOT of emotions and feelings i haven wrote out.. and also those entries in the past weeks..

haiss kk.. byebye! time to bath and sleep!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:33 PM

just came back from mu.. well feeling alittle high only.. but cant feel much and hear much.. pretty much numb especially on my finger tips.. sighs tried to get myself seh but duno why no matter how i just couldnt reach it..

well was working from around noon till near late noon.. then dad brought me to ahyi's saloon to cut hair.. dots.. cos he say ima start sch liao so must cut my hair... no more havoc ler.. yea so well my frinch kinda got cut so now i look kinda kiddy again dots.. and ahyi dyed my frinch to make it darker looking.. cos my dad dont like the colour dotx.. hais.. but i also anithing lar.. haix.. just got 1 more year to enjoy my hair till i become botak!.. haix...

well after cutting hair and stuffs i came back home.. and well slack abit until 6pm then prepare.. when i reach marina square it was like 8+pm ler.. kaos i took cab and there was a freaking bad traffic jam lor.. from bukit timah till marina square 17$!!!! wtf right?.. haix.. then met up with Val mei at the taxi stand.. lol been like ages since i went out with her.. cos her bf kinda very strict.. yeahs i shdnt say out much haha its her private life.. aniway we then walk our way up to meet up with ling, ling's god sis, canto and koni..

watched Rob B Hood.. well really a great show.. got comedy and sad part.. overall yea really a worthwhile show.. i will rate it as 9/10.. worth it =)..

was laughing my ass off..

after tat koni tell us xiaofeng, joey they all at mu.. so in the end we went mu while ling and her god sister went home.. cos they cant stay out late tonite.. well there was no cab lor so in the end we kinda took bus down..

sighs.. mu was pretty dead as expected on a friday night.. not much crowd.. i wasnt having much mood suddenly in the middle.. hais so was trying to get myself seh by drinking val mei's martel.. but i just couldnt get myself seh.. hais.. so well i just force myself to enjoy the night.. i also duno wat struck me.. i just dont feel enjoyable.. hais but ok lar in the end..

well nearing the end.. something bad happened.. i shall not write out here.. becos its a sensitive matter especially to val mei..

i wasnt feeling very happy about it.. but forget it.. best to avoid trouble if possible.. i also not a ahbeng guy.. i got manners and jia jiao want kays.. aniway val mei's boyfriend will settle this with that person..

aniway before i went out.. vivian was talkin to me on irc for awhile.. she told me many things and really made me felt that im really a very naive guy in many areas... and well val mei was also telling me i should have some attitude.. she say girls prefer guy with attitude.. else they will get sian of the guy very soon.. maybe its true bah thats why im so jialet in r/s.. aniway i duno.. but canto also agreed with her.. so i shd learn to have attitude eh?.. HA!.. easily said.. but i dun think i can lor.. attitude = trouble sometimes.. and results in getting screwed by my family.. arhs watever.. i duno...

hais.. kk ima go bath and sleep before my parents wake up.. else im gona get into trouble... then tmr cant go attend koni and joey's birthday party ler.. sighs kk..

good night!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:21 AM

just came back from work.. wow tired.. but yea at least today finish earlier.. hais tonight everyone going Zouk i think lol.. i cant go lah.. else saturday i think i will be locked at home.. cos dad already pissed and kan me on tuesday.. say i keep going out so late and come home in the morning.. say wat i want to be night gangster isit.. dots lor.. hais.. so yea sorry guys i cant join u all for Zouk tonight and i guess tomorrow i cant go MOS with u all too..

so see ya all on saturday MU to celebrate koni and joey birthday..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:21 PM

sighs.. just wake up nt long.. overslept.. late for work liaos hais.. aniway checked my hp and saw an sms.. which made me rather sad.. theres lots of questions in my mind.. but i dun know if i shd ask.. perhaps its best for everyone?.. i dont know..

sighs.. i haven been really well interms of feelings and mood lately.. so i kinda didnt really talk much and answer calls these days.. sorry people.. hais.. im just feeling messed up.. life is just like the sea.. waves coming one after another.. sighs..

seriously feelings for someone is something that can appear anytime anywhere.. it can appear after crying, chat, first sight or even a simple smile.. but the pain is the point when u need to determine wat kind of feeling it is.. 'cant loose this person as a friend/best friend/sister/lover or wat?' i know some people just striaght away jump into a r/s when they feel something and just simply break up if they feel that its just a crush or watever.. but for me even if i have the feelings for the opposite sometimes i will want to think it through and see if shes really suitable for me.. but sometimes i feel no point thinking so much.. becos even if you feel that the person is suitable for u.. the story sometimes might also not be the same as wat u expected...

hais aniway those who know me should know onces i get into a r/s i will devote to the person and if possible last all the way until marriage..

but now i feel i can no longer determine clearly wats right and wats wrong.. wats real and wats not.. perhaps like wat someone said to me.. im numb already after all the hurts and stuffs.. sighs...

actually i've been wondering these few days.. maybe all along i already had feelings for this particular girl.. just that i didnt know.. because all along i didnt had the chance to be close with her?.. until lately.. especially after that night at P.S.. so thats how the feelings were slowly released and felt?..

it really came so sudden.. and yes i dont know wat to do.. still havin phobia towards relationships..

wat should i do?.. im confused!.. please slap me..!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:00 PM

just got up not long.. had a weird dream last night.. dream about dinosaurs everywhere and killing everyone.. and me and some friends was trying to run away from them.. gawd..

aniway yea looking at the sky now it seems clearer and better already.. yesturday the haze was insane.. hit PSI 150.. dots.. was really bad and i felt uncomfortable and chest was really tight.. like no oxygen likedat..

thats why i didnt went out last night.. else who knows if i will faint or not.. hahs.. watever.. well heard that it was cello's aka xuan birthday celebration.. sadly didnt manage to attend.. koni last min went down too.. wonder how was it last night..

hope they enjoyed themselves to the fullest..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:12 PM

just come back from mu.. wow wat a crazy night sighs...

kinda many things happened..

TO BE UPDATED?..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:02 AM

just came back from work.. wow pretty tired.. but still alright.. today time passes fast becos theres alot of work to do.. imagine how tedious it can be to calculate petty cash.. and to reimburse it.. i got to go through every single receipt and there was like one whole stack of it.. add up all the amount including GST.. and still group them up into categories.. and in the end i still have to photocopy every single receipt that got GST.. dots..

well i cant imagine the petty cash adds up till $40,000++ just 1 month petty cash leh.. dots.. well imagine how much we spend in our daily life too.. maybe if we keep every single receipt and add them all up at the end of the month we might have a shock too.. gosh..

aniway i guess tomorrow miss lai is cfm gona say wtf! hahahah cos i still left some work incomplete.. and she got to take over.. haha so paiseh =s..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:06 PM

sighs sitting infront of my pc now.. stoned.. mood still isnt great but feeling better already.. jes came and look for me and she accompanied me for about 5hrs around my house neighbourhood.. just to listen to my nonsense and rants..

thanks for everything.. i really appreciate it..

although she only came and find me becos of she read wat i wrote in my earlier post.. haha but aniway yea thanks for taking all the trouble and expense just to drop over and make sure im ok..

and sorry to those that was trying to contact me earlier.. my hp wasnt on.. sighs..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:56 AM

mum just gave me mee sua to eat.. and tell me happy birthday.. erm i was like dots?.. rather shock and surprised.. so today shd be my chinese bdae i guess?.. i also nt sure.. aniway im still feeling rather moody and stuck up right now..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:22 PM

new song representing my mood..

The stranger sang a theme
From someone else`s dream
The leaves began to fall
And no-one spoke at all
But I can`t seem to recall
When you came along
Ingenue
Ingenue
I just don`t know what to do

The tree-lined avenue
Begins to fade from view
Drowning past regrets
In tea and cigarettes
But I can`t seem to forget
When you came along

Ingenue,
Ingenue,
I just don`t know what to do

Ingenue
I just dont know what to do

i really dont know what to do..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:52 PM

just got up.. actually woke up pretty early but i just dun feel like getting out of bed.. didnt had a good sleep at all.. i keep thinking and even dream about those comments that were given to me last night... its like a nightmare stalking me.. even right now im not feeling any better..

thats something i hated the most in my life.. and it just make me felt like worthless being alive..

right now im really on my weakest moments.. all the current problems and past stuffs are really sinking into my view..

im really tired.. tired of everything.. i tried to live for myself.. but end up i just live for others even more.. why isit so hard to change now.. maybe my character's already hardened.. cant be moulded anymore..

sighs.. i wanted to became a bastard but i didnt managed to do it.. cos its just not me.. i maybe can do it when im drunked.. but deffinitely not when im awake and knowing wat im doing..

sometimes.. i wonder who really cares.. i have god-sisters and brothers.. but seriously how many of them care about my life.. i've seldom heard this "eh dont bully my bro".. thats why when i heard it i feel touched.. cos its a physical way to show u care for the person.. its better then saying i care for u blah blah.. etc crap but nv do anything when their support and concerns were needed..

sometimes i feel that im the one holding onto friendships and sisterships/brotherhoods.. its like if i dont do anything the bond will just crumble..

sighs sis and bros maybe also doesnt exist anymore.. who now still takes sisterships and brotherhoods seriously?.. like really real sis and bro.. people now can anyhow call others "sup bro" etc as a term of communication.. watever.. this world is just getting more and more selfish, realistic and screwed up.. people dont really care about others much..

since long ago.. i have a wish.. i wish that whenever i feel disheartened.. theres someone willingly to come and look up on me and to be there to care for me.. as a true friend/sis/bro.. but this day never came.. and i also given up on it.. i dont dare to expect much.. so all i can do is cry alone on my bed when im upset.. and continue acting strong when im outside.. long ago i used to put up a black face whenever im troubled or watever.. but i changed eventually becos i feel it isnt right to mess up my friends days just becos of my problems.. so i still try to smile and laugh with them.. trying to be a good companion..

even my family dont care abt me.. how pathetic.. but i know im not the only one.. parents are always likedat... and my 2 elder sisters arent close with me as well.. i just dont feel that i can tell them my secrets and problems.. its becos my life doesnt really have people that i can seek thats why i always wish someone will be seriously concerned about me.. am i asking too much?..

i care for people around me.. yes especially those i like being with and closed with.. becos i know how sucks it is to live without people caring and loving.. so i will be there for them whenever i can.. when they need a listening ear, a shoulder, some attention etc.. sighs.. all i wish in return is they will really treat me as a true friend and respect me..

sighs i admit sometimes i might look girlish.. got to accept that cos i dont have any brothers at home.. only 2 sisters.. somehow i got alittle influenced by them and also my parents kinda taught me like how they taught my sisters.. so making me really a fuckup person.. but please i have my good side as well.. people just love to critisize me about being gay or watever fuck.. im really tired.. i always want to be a perfect person.. u have no idea how sick and sucks it is to be called gay/ahgua as a guy please!.. guys has ego and dignity k.. being called that simply feels like a sword being stab into your chest.. especially to emotional person like me..

why should a guy yell at a girl? in my mind this just doesnt seem right.. unless the girl just being super unreasonable and pushes u to the limits.. and come on i will never hit a girl.. i just dont get it last night why they expect me to yell back like a gangster when girl wack me.. and sitting cross leg doesnt really mean is gay lor.. my dad also sits likedat.. its the business man way isnt it.. if u sit like a gangster or wat u think people will have good impression of u?.. and even on tv news those man getting interviewed also sit that way..

aiya! watever larh! i dont want to say anymore now... its really fucked up!!.. im back into my depressed self.. i dont know how will i forget about those shits.. if i dont get over it i will just disappear.. since im so gay then forget it..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:44 PM

just got back home from zouk.. wow.. first time i ever been to the famous zouk mambo night.. now i noe why people say their dance steps are very awsome.. its true man.. the way they dance retro was really great.. *claps*.. something i cant really learn lol..

im just a shitty dancer there lmao.. really man compare to those 'real' dancers im nothing.. not even a small fry... those that have saw those real dancer would know wat i mean.. aniway i dun care much narhs.. since i dance is just to release stress not really to show off or watever although i like to dance on stage.. which is becos of the space..

hais.. actually.. starting at zouk i wasnt very happy.. becos i keep getting suaned by joey, hui xian they all.. keep saying i gay dots.. wth.. comment on everything.. i duno lar.. k lor maybe im overly gentle until i look like a gay to girls.. but wtf sia.. its in my blood.. and i dun have attitude.. is there any problem with that?.. i really hate myself too.. u know how miserable isit to have no attitude??.. when u are angry u dont know how to express it.. angry still put on a smile.. u know it sucks and feel horrible??.. hais.. they keep saying lor.. ok lar.. i can take jokes.. but not over the limits please.. i have my dignity too..

sighs.. i wont flare up at girls until i get pushed over the limit.. but really lar some people really are too much!!!... must i become a gangster or a rough guy then pple will respect me and stop all these nonsense??.. i seriously hate being commented especially being called GAY!.. its fuckup can.. hais...

aniway believe it or not.. i almost joined gang in sec school just becos i dont want pple to say im sissy or gay or watever shit crap.. there was onces i really very xiao beng characteristic.. but this girl name siok huang which i really loved deeply in sec school for 4years also the first girl to break my heart countless times.. scolded me out of it.. she say im stupid and silly doing that.. she made me go back to myself..

hais.. aniway fucking pissed off... why do i have no attitude.. why cant i just fuck people when im not happy, felt insulted or provoked?.. fck me!! fck it..

aniway i felt better after i got high drinking 1 jar of "Vodka Redbull" introduced by bengua.. but omg the taste is... ownage!.. i hate cough syrup tasting stuff.. ewws.. but yea i still drank it all.. and wow i was really high at that moment.. and i kinda forgot about those nasty jokes.. else i think i will be moodless throughout the night.. sighs.. but right now i feel unhappy again cos the alcohol effect runs out already..

aniway half way thru.. when i got out from the toilet i saw zhenning's sister xiaohui.. omg lor so qiao.. cant believe it lols..

sighs.. these few days i've been feeling really emotional and mixed feelings.. especially on LOVE.. i really dont believe in relationships anymore.. the term "i love you" is just pure bullshit!!.. yeah i love you but when the feeling is gone or watever dont be surprised that you'll get dumped like a outdated toy.. seriously.. and well even people who're together for years can also breakup in the end.. do people take relationship as some sick joke??.. messing with other people's feelings is a fun thing to do??.. screw this pathetic stucked up world please.. fck all bitches and bastards!!..

i really feel like being one of them too.. just so that i wont feel so disgusted being the opposing.. but i feel tat i cant do it.. sighs..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:20 AM

waohhs.. finally i get my pc and sis's pc set up.. took days for me to clean up both pcs and setting them up downstair.. pengs!.. and well i brought my pc down first and i expect my sis will bring hers down herself.. end up she wan me to bring it for her.. dots!..

aniway yea now its over... finally i can come online again!! and yea i missed out alot of post.. and i haven update some of the previous posts.. Ohh no!!.. lol now its all up to my memory to do the job =s...

kk i will blog more later...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:44 PM