Theresa says (2:56 AM):
u need to talk to me more
Theresa says (2:56 AM):
=(
Theresa says (2:56 AM):
miss talking to u
Қүόẕụḵе shụүä٠ Yc`` loves Von .. [ x. ! ! .x (''v'') ] [ ! ] says (2:56 AM):
hehe
Қүόẕụḵе shụүä٠ Yc`` loves Von .. [ x. ! ! .x (''v'') ] [ ! ] says (2:56 AM):
wat happen?
Theresa says (2:56 AM):
nothing really persay
Theresa says (2:56 AM):
jus ur a good friend
Theresa says (2:56 AM):
and i enjoy talking to u
Theresa says (2:56 AM):
and i miss getting too
Theresa says (2:57 AM):
so happy that u found a good gf kobu
Theresa says (2:57 AM):
btw i actually posted a comment on ur blog for a change
Theresa says (2:57 AM):
Theresa says (2:58 AM):
anyways talk to me more later PLLLEEEEEEEEEAAAAASeEEEEEEEEEE
Theresa says (2:58 AM):
gotta go back to work now

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:21 AM

back from school..

sighs.. going to bath soon and wait for darling..

my mood still hanging in the air..

anyway the previous post only meant for people thats been treating me like crap.. if you know that you're true to me as a friend then dont take it to heart..

hais.. really not in the mood for anything much..

but tonight i've got to accompany darling to JDP as she's been crazy about it for very long.. so no matter what i guess i'll just accompany her.. but i dont think i can dance with her tonight.. unless im high on alcohol..

but thats impossible.. cause darling hate people who drinks.. and i've also stop drinking cause of her.. not to mention i've quit my social smoking as well..

although sometimes when im depressed i still think of drinking and smoking as a temporary escape and relief.. but i've not give in to these thoughts all these while.. ever since i know darling.. lol proves that im not addicted to them i guess or it just shows how powerful love can be..

but of cause love brings headaches as well.. all the while im troubled.. by this question..

how would my future career life be?..

i've this hidden self that wish to be a boss of my own and be successful like my dad.. yet the lack of confidence and skills create the other side of me that might just want a simple job as an employee..

watever it is.. i just want it to be good and stable.. able to support my darling, provide her with a good life and same goes to our kids..

i've a foresight of many possible outcome..

and when i've got the money i deffinitely want darling to go for a full health checkup.. since she always tell me about pains and certain health problems.. really made me worried.. sighs...

i maybe thinking too far like wat darling said.. cause at this current moment i dont have the abilities yet.. but yet i couldnt help it but keep vexing about my current lack of capabilities, skills, independency and knowledge.. theres just so much that i've got to catch up on which makes me feel like a loser when im with darling..

really sucks.. hais..

its really a big challenge for me right now.. as because im too used to my previous single life and negative views towards relationships.. theres many facts i've got to understand and learn now..

but all these while darling has always been there for me and understanding me.. im really grateful for that..

what more can i ask from her?.. she's the best gf i have so far.. and she probably has everything that i can ever wish for..

so all i wish now is for this to last for eternal...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:47 PM

sighs.. its only 2+pm and now it seems like its late evening..

dark clouds had covered the sky creating a dark greyish atmosphere..

wonder how am i going to school.. hate taking umbrellas.. guess i'll just walk to school likedat.. at this very moment my mood is just like the dull weather.. my face is holding up a frown on it's own.. and it look like theres millions of thoughts going through my head onces again..

it all started after the conversation with my project advisor/supervisor at 5pm yesturday outside the ECE office.. we talked until near 7pm..

many thing about my project was mentioned.. and she also did some cards with me to find out my career interest.. i did find out alittle bit about myself in the process.. sighs..

i want to take risk yet im afraid of the lack of security.. i want a simple job life with sense of belonging and friendly nice environment, yet on the other hand i wish to strive for something great.. guess the ambitious self lays hidden inside of me..

sighs and well she also asked about my vpp progress and my partial disappearance.. i feel guilty.. feel so bad.. sighs..

monday shes going to access what i've done.. cause they need to give grading.. now i feel like im struggling in a quick sand..

sighs my supervisor actually can see somehow that im giving up hope on my project.. its obvious.. because last sem i was always burning time and staying back to do work.. now i just rot away my time.. i told her im demoralized that i worked so much yet i get a B+ while others who barely put in as much as me.. got a B.. and she told me im just 1% away from my A.. she said i got 79%.. wat the fish?.. she say shes also disappointed that 1% they also want to rip off.. but its the examiners conclusion and onces they decided, the marks cant be changed..

hais...

she said alot of things to me.. and it just made me feel bad....

sighs.. i go prepare now ler.. going to be late for my 3pm class..

Ps: I hate it when people dont understand me.. I replied them when i could choose not to and the reply i get was just.. 'help me do this, help me do that' or blaming me for my absence..

'thats the reason why i hate replying/answering when im bothered by problems!'

why they can do stuffs like that and when i do it they dont understand.. cb go and die lah! are they the only ones that are busy, need time for something else and other shits!?..

'most' of the people around me only contact me when they need advise, console, help, attention, care, accompany and watever shit they have in mind.. then when one day i cant keep up to my 'task' because of some reason.. all they do is blame it on me and even scold me.. WTF is this?!!?

im not a damned toy or tool k!!

maybe thats the reason why im always a loner.. rather just be alone.. free from all these 'responsibilities'.. and let me tell you.. dont be surprise that one day when u need the same treatment from these people all they going to give you is the 'dont bother me attitude' or 'go away u're so annoying'... zZz..

2!#!%!@#!!#% IM PISSED!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:24 PM

just wakeup nt long and ate my breakfast + lunch..

dots.. i cant believe that i wakeup so late today.. 4pm then wakeup.. sighs..

something quite shocking happened lols..

darling smsed me when i was in the kitchen eating..

she said "Muacks... wake up le a.? Haha.. My turn to feel sleepy..."

then i was shocked.. i look at the sms.. uhh.. how dar know i wakeup le? =o.. cause i haven smsed her yet.. when i woke up i check my hp for her smses but dont have so i just took my hp and went down to eat first.. thought maybe she overslept for work, sleeping at workplace or too busy?..

so i was dazzled.. look around wondering if shes in my house trying to surprise me?.. but i thought thats impossible too.. so i reply her asking how she know i awake..

then she tell me cause i sms her..

then i check my sent message.. oh my goodness.. i really did.. 3:59pm.. wtf! but i got no memory of that at all.. all i remember is i glance at my phone for any message and just went down.. i cant even feel myself typing any message on the keypad before that..

gosh.. did i do that when i was half awake, in my dream or dont tell me i sleep walked?.. omgosh.. scary.... i dont think i will sleep walk thats impossible.. cause i never had it.. and i always felt sleep walking is so freaky scary..

after wat darling told me i did that night i already quite scared.. i dont know how on earth did that message came out...

scary scary scary...

this might look sweet ya but on the other hand its scary.. cause how did i do it?... dots.. nevermind maybe its just for this onces that this kinda thing happen..

darling! next time watch me sleep lol! ..>.<..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:09 PM

sighs..

just wakeup.. pengs.. although i did woke up many times earlier on but i just keep going back to sleep.. really too tired.. so tired that i really dont have energy to do anything..

now im wondering if i shd go school.. cause if i go.. also for the attendance.. after that just slack there.. hais.. vexed.. my projects in a big mess already..

hais.. and wow darling watched finish the anime already.. congrats =)..

feeling so vexed inside.. i guess my projects is one of the main problem.. and some others which i cant really confirm..

siannns..

dreamt again last night.. this time it was something else.. i dreamt that i got into the Navy for NS.. gosh.. but i forgotten wat actually happened in the dream..

kk guess i go bath and prepare for school lers..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:36 PM

yawns.. omgosh so tired..>.<..

keep dozing off in my project room.. sighs.. tiredd!!..

yesturday felt asleep on my bed at ard 2+am with lights on while darling went to bath.. gosh.. so didnt sleep well at all..

now its raining like mad also.. pengs.. if im not wrong like very long nv rain le wor.. hmm nowadays so hot.. now raining like mad should i be happy? o.o..

duno arhs..

anyway wah yea i realized i got tons of drafts incompleted thats why you see my blog is so outdated lols.. haha.. pengs.. aniway thats why i write this post to break the 'silent' lols!..

now just hope that i can get all the old drafts done 'soon'...

lols..

back to school matters.... i hate my project!

its so dam boring.. especially when u're doing on ur own..

well supervisor told me that the lecturer incharge of my current project wont be around this 2 days.. pengs hais.. so well i got to put a hold to my project ler.. cause he hadnt told me wat i should do and what is my project really about so i cant proceed at all now.. so well all i can do now is some self researching and messing around with the program..

sian sian sian!!..
arghs...

lols darling's at work place watching the Ragnarok anime that i've gave her.. lols.. keke.. silly darling haven even sleep yet.. gosh.. cant believe that she nv sleep last night.. i wonder why wor.. darling how come u cant sleep hmm..

vexing or thinking of anything?

mhhmm... anyway i had a dream last night omgosh.. its crazy can hahaa! think what darling told me yesturday night is true lol!! pengs bth hahahas...

ok im going to continue my work..

I miss you darling! muacks

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:01 PM

hmm darling fell asleep on my bed! aww..

silly baby so tired le still always want to meet me.. sighs really feel bad.. *hugs*

anyway today darling came my house at around evening to cook spag for me and my family! woo! grats darling.. the first girl friend i had that cooked for my parents.. hehes..

although tonight the spag didnt tasted as perfect as compared to the one she cooked on friday night.. because today its for 4 person so theres abit of changes in the amount/portion of ingredient used resulting in changes of taste.. but i still loved it =)..

thanks baby..

ok now some flash back..

friday darling came my hse after work and we slacked until 10+pm before taking cab down to darling house.. then she cook dinner for me.. hehe the spag was great a big success.. yummy! after that i slacked abit while darling prepare the wantans for saturday's steamboat.. then at night we watched "san gen 2".. well it supposed to be horror show.. but end up... i duno wat i was watching =x..

when we finish watching it was already about 5+am.. then we went to sleep..

got up at around 11+am on saturday.. diana came too.. then we went to the supermarket to shop for our steamboat food.. until around 2+pm.. went back darling house and i help diana with the wrapping up of the wantans while darling was preparing to bake brownies.. wow..

think at around late 4+pm then we started eating our steamboat lunch.. yum it was pretty good.. then we watched "The Park" as we ate our food.. sad.. actually wanted to watch doll master but darling's dvd got problem..

finish eating at around near 7pm.. after cleaning and packing up we left for cosafe.. got there at around 8+pm.. had a interesting night with darren and his friend micky.. and of cause my darling and diana..

then at around near 11pm.. darling and i left first cause we wanted to catch our 11+pm movie at marina square.. we walked there and lucky we werent late yet.. had a hard time choosing between Nightmare Detective and The letter of death..

in the end we picked Nightmare Detective cause its in a bigger cinema and having more seats compare to The letter of death which only had 2nd row infront of the screen.. and it was sneak preview so the cinema was very small...

well finish the show at around 1am+.. hmm not bad i would say.. but its quite disturbing.. not very good to let those depressing people to watch.. lucky im clear enough and didnt let the show affect my thoughts..

after that darling at i sat at one of the stairways facing the road beside marina square.. and we chatted until around 4am.. before we took night owl home..

by the time we got home and bath it was already about 5am.. then we talk on the phone until around 6+am before we went to sleep..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:22 PM

with greater power come greater responsibilities...

this is very true..

now i've darling.. theres alot of responsibilities waiting for me to do and achieve..

im scared actually.. and every time im being tested my heart jumped..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:37 AM

sighs..

for the past few hrs.. i've been walking around.. thinking on many issues.. sighs just feel very troubled at the moment.. and kinda unhappy...

this sucks...

i hate being stressed and feeling stressed...

i hate alot of things...

arghs...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:22 AM

just got home..

darling's mum sent me home.. aww feel so bad.. hmm went to darling house after school cause she fell sick and didnt went to work.. bought some sushi for her from school as she wanted them lol..

but arghs so kuku i took the bus at wrong side.. end up i went to jurong.. lakeside mrt.. dots.. so from there i took mrt down to her place.. about 40+mins.. then took a bus to her house..

silly darling was so weak due to being sick.. haiss... she arghs always nv sleep early.. so now starting to fall sick ler.. sighss.. gona try to make her sleep early from now on..

anyway had dinner at her place.. her mum bought dinner >.<>.<.. just happen that my parents was going out for a walk.. so they saw lol.. then my parents talked to darling's mum.. aww lol.. hmm 'parent meeting session?' scaryy.. >.<

logging off..
tmr going to darling's house to stay all the way until saturday night..
cause im suppose to meet up with darling's friend on saturday night..

*stressed*

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:24 PM

hmm.. so hot omg.. nowadays the weather is mad.. so hot!! not a single bit of wind at my house here.. -.-"

sighs now feeling abit pek chek..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:35 AM

aw silly darling sleeping beside me now.. shes so tired yet still wana meet me after my school.. she even took cab down from jurong just because she dont want to let me wait =( aww.. made me feel so bad..

and she even treat me to dinner!.. wth right >.
silly darling i love you! >.<

hais.. she sleep until so nice guess i shall not disturb her.. gona find something to do =)

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:58 PM

time flies..

sch start le.. and guess wat.. im so tired that i actually slept the whole day.. !! dead meat hahhaa..

missed sch the first day..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:01 PM

just got home and bathed awhile ago..

waoh so shagged.. never slept at all.. was at darling house after our anniversary celebration..

ate dinner at one of the restaurant at esplanade.. had steak for dinner.. wow was pretty nice i would say =) thanks darling for everything =)

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:09 AM

Happy 1 month Anniversary Darling =P

hee so funny we both kinda receive each others sms on the same time.. then darling was saying she sent first hahahaa.. okok darling i let u win :p bleahs! wats matters is we both remember =D.. i love you so much baby!..

thanks for that sweet sms! and all the other sweetness u've given me!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:12 AM

hmm darling just went home..

aww.. almost got scared the hell off by her scream just now lols.. we was watching movie in my room.. then i fell asleep at the end of the movie.. then silly darling didnt want to wake me up.. even covered blanket for me.. haha but she never off the lights..

i woke up when i hear sound of the gate.. and i got down and ran after her.. and wow darling really walk very fast.. just only awhile and she walked till the hdb blocks there.. so i increased my speed and finally caught up to her.. i wanted to give her a surprise but end up wow.. she screamed so loud when i sort of jump on her.. omgosh.. and there was this old man walking pass he actually stood there and stared at me.. thought i was going to molest darling... so i faster talk to darling of cause so that freaking old man wont think i molest her or watever.. pengs.. i was so embarrassed.. lucky only the old man was there.. or else i think i really dont know where to hide.. cause darling screamed really very loud.. it actually echoed through the hdb blocks.. >.<

bahh anyway darling doesnt seem to show very surprised so well i was "hmm ok".. aniway surprises doesnt always work out the way u expect it to be =).. but i just so scare of the reverse results..

after that accompanied darling to the bus stop.. and wait for her to board the bus before i walk back home..

sighs.. this is the last week of holidays.. and by right i should be going back school this last week to finish up my VPP work before school start.. but gosh! how am i going to get myself back on the right track..

feeling stressed.. i hate my project.. it sucks.. and i honestly dont really like some people in school.. so hypocrite..

what i hated was.. some people they didnt do much at all for their projects and they still manage to get a B grade.. somemore they are doing in a group of 3.. as for me.. doing alone! and rushing my ass off last semester on project.. i only get a B+ grade.. wtfish?... makes me wonder wats the point of rushing so hard for my damned project.. screwed up..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:47 PM

darling just said something which squeezed my heart.. a million thoughts came... and i just suddenly sank into emo state...

today i got 2 feeling from darling and both made me felt that i disappointed her.. first is her grandma birthday.. second is another issue that she just told me.. my heart really felt squeezed.. i felt lost suddenly.. still i thought i was trying my best in being perfect for her..

the feeling of knowing that i've disappointed her.. just made me feel so lost and failed...

i dont know whats wrong with me.. i think i've lost myself totally into this love.. i cant do anything right now.. and im super sensitive to many things.. before im attached i dont mind if i do anything wrong or watever.. but now.. i feel horrible if i make any mistake.. the feeling of perfectionist just get stronger.. and it stress myself out even more..

something is making me doing things that isnt up to my physical and mentally limits.. im tired.. really tired.. i just feel like going into a deep sleep..

im too self conscious.. self demanding.. in confident...

suddenly i feel that i hope everything is just a dream.. so i can slap myself out of it.. im too weak to accept this beautiful dream..

tell me wat can u give to your beloved darling?.. can you really give her happiness?.. im being realistic.. im talking about a good future etc.. seriously i've no confidence..

i dont believe in simple life although i wish there is.. cause the world is realistic.. no money no talk.. and i know darling wants a good future too.. she wants to be rich so she can prove to her relatives and people whom despise her that she can do it..

im so stressed that i will give her stress/burden instead.. of cause im also aiming for a bright future.. i dont want to throw my family face.. and i want to give my parents good life for the rest of their life.. like how my dad worked hard to let us eat and live well..

im stressed indeed.. because until now.. i've yet to find out my interest.. on the other hand my darling already had.. and she even got a good job waiting for her to accept when she graduate.. do u know how i feel?.. i feel like a good for nothing right now..

yeah some guys can accept this.. some even get money from their gf.. zZz i duno how they do it.. but i will NEVER borrow/get money from my gf.. infact i want to pay for every single thing.. i will feel very embarrassed and sucky if my gf pay for me.. perhaps thats the reason why i always stay at home when my finance is low.. and that also explains why my finance is never stable..

sighs.. yes i think far.. but i feel im just being realistic.. i dont believe in fairytale.. yes money isnt everything and money cant buy happiness.. but when theres no money many problems will come.. so i believe im not thinking about irrelevant matters because these are issues that i have to be worried about sooner or later thing..

i hate myself.. why am i so weak.. i think too much indeed.. but its not something i can control.. please end my misery...

ending here.. theres too much to write... all in my mind...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:54 AM

hmm..

today is a tiring day lol.. nv sleep until ard 7+am.. darling came my hse and we was talking to zn on msn.. haha im just sitting there looking at their conversations..

darling suppose to leave at 9am.. but i really couldnt bear to let her go.. she said i dont let her go and was hugging onto her tight.. but i cant really recall.. think i was half asleep already that time..

i dun even remember wat time we wakeup..

all i wish was for time to stop and let us enjoy the moments together.. cause its so rare to have darling by my side.. how i wish i can feel her warmth every second...

sighs..

but time never stops.. it just continued and somehow it seems to pass even faster then normal.. soon its already 4+pm and darling have to go cause she got to attend her grandma birthday at 6pm.. sighs..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:39 PM

hmm the guys just left..

lols been a great night..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:43 AM

just came home from marina square..

had a very long day...

was at darling house ever since early noon till night.. then went to meet up with the guys at suntec.. then we watched movie Sunshine at marina square..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:07 AM

hmm darling sleeping on bus again lols.. silly darling always so tired still dont want to sleep early =(.. sighs aniway tonight we're not meeting cause her mum isnt happy with her hanging out late all the time..

so better for darling to go home earlier.. and well she has alot of task coming up le.. better for her to go home earlier get some rest..

as for me.. i cant elaborate how am i feeling right now.. still pretty much the same.. its scary.. i even forgot how happiness feels like suddenly.. like something suddenly ate away something inside me.. is it due to the sickness? i think my mood changed after i fell sick.. its not due to my relationship.. cause darling always had been very caring and loving towards me.. and our relationship's going fine.. we didnt had any quarrel at all.. and it's so well that sometimes i wonder if im dreaming...

waking up and feeling lost.. wonder if everything was just a dream...

perhaps the only downfall is cause im giving myself too much stress.. trying to be perfect for darling.. worried that her friends/parents/relatives wont like me.. and how to make myself better around with them.. like interact with them etc.... plus many many other factors..

hope i get over all these personal stress and sickness soon..

my mind is all about you...
darling im going crazy...
day and night i think of you...
missing you as petals falls...
loving you like a angel in the sky...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:45 PM

gross just had diarrhea.. erks! sighs...

aniway thanks darling for trying to cheer me up.. hugs..

something is wrong with my mood these few days.. i get irritated very easily.. hais..

*slaps* myself.. wats wrong?..

perhaps i over loved my darling?.. or something more indept that i dun understand..

aniway..

Welcome back zhenning didi.. sorry that i'm in such a shit mood just when u come back from a long trip.. hope you enjoyed yourself fully at "india" .. hows "ahsum"? lol.. and thanks for the gift =) i didnt expect you to really get it for me.. heard from benson about what it is ler.. hehe.. thanks.. let me know how much so i can pay you back ya..

to the other peeps.. please let me get over this mood swing first before contacting me..

hugs..

takecare!
god bless..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:52 AM