Poofs!! Bishhhss!!... be gone all the old past... i was a big big fool and a retard in the past... so no point living in the past... be more realistic man... comon !! life is a treasure!! its a gift !! many wants it but cant have it... so im given this rare treasure why not make full use of it ?

living in the past only makes a person feel dull, upset, depressed and filled with regrets.. since life is never trouble-free.. learn to live happily! for u live only onces ^^x like wat my cheerful god sister xandra did..

i envy her :P but no point to envy others becos u control ur own life.. if others can do it. u can too ! no body has a life thats perfect.. it depends on how you mould and see ur own life.. its a matter of determination, perseverance and self confidences.. i once had all these 3 points but somewhere in the middle i lost them.. but i`ll find it back now !! hehehes...

life goes on no matter how pathetic or miserable it is.. time will never stop for you.. so you must learn to live with it happily... if u choose to avoid or live in the pathetic world.. then ur a loser.. a dumb idiot !.. becos your the one thats gonna lose out and not only that you make urself a fool infront of people around you ^^.. mean and evil right? but thats how the life goes on

learn to live in the new day as the sun rises each day :D smile and cheer ^__^..v

from this day onwards life will be a different meaning for me.. ^^x.. muahaha!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:12 AM

its say that human are born selfish and self centered.. according to this incident it seem so true.. as long as they are doing well and fine.. they wont give a fark about others.. and wont care too.... i was too silly to believe a fairytale..

a fairytale called " best friend & brother " .. i tot i really had acquire some real friends in my life.. but looks like im wrong... in this world.. i dun think such zhong qing yi de ren chun zai..

actually from the start i know tat they might not be these kind of people.. becos i never really felt the kind of feeling like we are brothers.. but still i treat them as my brothers.. becos i belief that 1 day there might be miracle.. or maybe 1 day they will know how i cherish them..

but sometimes i really feel very hurt by them.. but i guess they are not sensitive enuf to feel it... but still i forgive them sometimes becos they are my brothers....

often i feel left out, lonely and pathetic.. becos they wont find me unless theres a need.. so sometimes i just wait and wait for them to call me.. actually thinking about it.. its quite sad.. they wont call me for a chat or so.. nor will they msg me online.. sometimes they will but its only when they are bored.. or so.. never did onces i really felt that they are talking to me as a real friend....

many times i feel very sad until it bleeds in my heart... but on the outside i pretend im cool... i know no matter how hard i try .. they also wont treat me like a real friend of theirs..

i really dream of doing a business with my best friends in my life.. i told them about it.. but i was very upset as they dont seem to bother.. i like to do many things with them.. but they always dont bother or care to really do it .... as time goes by.. i start to give up the hope and i start to feel that im so lost...

i dun wan them to force them to do wat they dun wan... so i give up gradually and i became a giving party most of the time.. i just do watever they want to do.. even sometimes its not wat i like i still try to be happy about it... so they wont know im giving in... anyway as a brother giving in is normal...

i know they wont care much about me.. even if they care its just words wise.. which everyone know how to... none of them will be willing to come down and accompany me when i need them.... but if they really need someone.. i will go and find them no matter how late or even if i will get a scolding from my parents... people might think im bull shitting, becos none of my best friends has asked me so... so theres no proof that i am able of doing this... choose to believe anot is up to you.. but i must say i am able to do it.. even if i have no transport i will also find my way to them....

as for me im always so lonely.. i know so far there wont be anyone will be willingly of doing this if i ask them to come down... so i never ask them to.. i just have to go through all of it alone.. you will never understand how i feels!! some people can be alone.. but i cant... maybe its becos of my fck up childhood... on the outside.. i seem like any normal guy.. and some people even think im fortunate.. i would say no one will understand the kind of misery im in.... infact i think no one even bother to make the effort to understand me... if they do.. they will know wat kind of person i am....

actually best friends... i have afew when i was in sec school... Benjamin, Benson, Cheng Ju, Gabriel, Zhi heng, Zhenning.. but Benjamin was striked out becos Gabriel always say about him backstabbing me.. eventually Gabriel was striked out becos of some problems related to Benjamin.. and i also experienced it myself...

Benjamin was onces really someone that could help me solve problems and make me feel better... but its just becos i take friendship seriously and im hurt by his backstabbing.. so i decide to hate him... until today i still hate him... although sometimes i am sick of the hatred.. but i wont forgive him until he is willing to amend the hurt he gave me... actually its easy.. just show me a sincer apology.. he did tried to apologize to me.. but it was not his will... and that time he was laughing away.. i still remember it was on the bus... how can that be a sincer apology.. if he dont realize his mistake.. he will do it again.. and it will be another impact on me... thats why i dont want to forgive him until he know wats his fault....

Zhiheng was onces also a brother of mine.. i still remember the 3 brother... Zhiheng, Zhenning and me... in this group sometimes i feel very miserable too.. becos i know Zhenning prefer him... and its obvious... when Zhiheng ask him do something he will do it.. while for me... its different... but still life goes on... but eventually Zhiheng drift away from us to his counter strike friends and the brother hood was dispersed...

this is where the 4 brothers was formed... Cheng Ju, Benson, Zhenning and me...but again similar things happened.. Zhenning and Benson were closer... i just continue to live with it.. and i still treat them all evenly..

Benson if u think i treat Zhenning better then you're wrong... if so i wont be bothered to call you and help u change your life.. and keep giving you pressure sometimes about your appearance and other things that you can improve on.. all these is not benefiting me if you think properly.. if you look better with a styled hair and better clothes does that do me any benefit? you guys dont get it eh.. all the things i say and do.. im caring and trying to help you all, all the while... perhaps you all didnt bothered... how i wish my friends can be so caring towards me.. but its a dream that will never come true... but still i care for you all even if its something that i wont get any credit from.. becos this is wat a real brother and best friend should do... not just going out and playing together will achieve it's meaning and purpose!!!

until recently after all the problems i had.. i can no longer be that cool and close 1 eye already so i am fustrated over the fact that Benson u're treating me like a transparent human.... you can say you didnt but feelings dont lie... if you never do it.. i can never feel it...

i let them noe how i felt and as i expected this is wat happened.. they only think about themself but never did they onces really though deeply for the opposite... and from i think.. they think they are the onces giving in and also the victim...

sighs anyway.... i will stop here for now...... need a break after recalling all these emotional past.... anyway i must say Benson and Zhenning u both hurt me badly... in term of mental and emotion... if hurting me makes you all happy… then i must say u all succeeded..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:25 PM

this few days i have been living without aims.. just like waiting for death to collect me.. in the process i thought alot.. and observed alot.. from people around me to wat i see.. all picture up.. i feel that theres no use for me to feel the lost of those friends.. they are the ones that dont cherish friendship.. if they do.. they would have dont something after i made my first step into this cold war.. but he dun care.. see below for the logs..

those text are by me.. at that moment he nv reply but he is aware of the texts.. if u read carefully the msn log u shd be able to know

4/12/2005
10:37:35 PM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²±
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
lol take back ur words.. who u think is at fault 1st bah.. put urself into my shoes and think
4/12/2005
10:37:39 PM
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²±
AutoMessage: laopei use com la
4/13/2005
1:26:16 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
sick of it.. if u wan u sincerly treat me as a fren then u shdnt be doing nothing. u shd noe wat to do.. from the day it started
4/13/2005
1:26:18 AM
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
AutoMessage: hiaz....wad can i say?
4/13/2005
1:26:42 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
so u dun always put ur msg until im the one at fault like i am the bad guy
4/13/2005
1:26:59 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
u lie down and think throughly then tell me.. whose wrong.
4/13/2005
1:27:11 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
maybe i also got wrong.. but u dare say u got none?
4/13/2005
1:27:22 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
i sick of these kind of cold war shit
4/13/2005
1:27:29 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
who showed it first..
4/13/2005
1:27:43 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
no 1 wana make the 1st step.. now i make the 1st step
4/13/2005
1:28:00 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
if u wana solve this u go think and see wat to do bah.
4/13/2005
1:28:01 AM
▪▫●яϋsћ ċңіσηġѕтέѓs●▫▪ ±².˚ċāή ŷσϋ ғεεŁ тңể ѕσϋй₫ σƒ Łờνέ˚̣²± BATH!!!!
KaIto^ "eh...i take back my words, u can be gone for good =)"
nite.

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:13 PM

just changed the music.. cos i like this music.. and i think it suits my blog very well.. alittle information about this music.. its one of the soundtracks from naruto.. from the music u all shd be able to tell that its a sad theme.. yeah... :'c.. really can cry man.. sighs...

anyway.. i will update all the previous happenings when i get the chance too.. nowadays didnt really touch my computer.. so didnt do any update..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:31 PM

the last paper was written today at the NP Blk 16 Sports Hall.. it was a fck up paper.. Telecommunication Principles.. 9 - 11am.. i got out of the exam hall at around 10:30am.. cos i dont know how to do and also dun feel like doing it anymore.. sighs..

i got out and called zn as planned we are suppose to meet in poly after my paper.. but he said he was waiting for benson.. i knew it so i already ask him to tell him tat we are meeting at 11am.. i wasnt very happy wif benson.. especially i sort of just quarrel with him yesturday as he always show me the cold shoulders.. in his eyes i dun seem to exist.. to think that i treat him as one of my best friends.. but he.... nvm..

im sure he already know wat im pissed at him about.. zn should have told him wat i said... anyway i waited in sch for quite some time and i called cj to meet at poly too since the others also meeting here and they could settle their lunch together... i went back home and put my stuffs first since they was taking quite awhile and im waiting alone.. it was drizzling...

shortly after i got home cj called me saying that he has reached.. so i hurried down and meet him at the back gate.. we sat at the canteen and wait for them while he told me about ns stuffs.. around 12++pm they reached.. the sight of benson make me feel so moodless.. i dun wana care about him as he also dun bother about me.. so i just ignore him.. as thats how he treat me sometimes..

actually was suppose to watch 12+pm movie.. but by the time they reach we already cant make it.. they dun wana eat in poly i think so they just go bukit timah plaza eat.. then fcking shit on the way there i met a friend then i chat awhile wif him while the others just continue walking.. zzz.. by the time i chat finish wif my friend yunfei.. they already quite far away from me.. knn even when they see me behind also nv wait.. so nvm i just walk down alone like some outcast lor.. bwg.. knn duno how to wait one.. nvm.. at that point of time i was feeling very shitty.. esp that fcking benson.. keep sticking to zn as usual.. think i will snatch him always likdat.. feel like smashing his head!..

in plaza they went to the ns shop and look around.. cj nid some ns stuffs so daniel martin help him lookout and so lar.. as usual he talk alot of crap just becos he entered ns earlier he say until he like boss.. like very knowledgeable.. kns i also bth.. i tried to talk to zn but benson was like with him almost 24/7 so forget it.. when i talk to him benson cfm come over and say shit and try to break our conversation.. knn sibei buay lun.. nvm so i just let him be with him alone..

went to the food court and eat.. then daniel martin keep talking to cj about ns stuff as usual.. then i just sit there.. the time for next movie was near and i just feel so moodless.. i told them that we are late for movie.. then benson stil say "huh? watch movie?".. i tot i already ask zn to tell him last night about the plan already.. duno he really duno or fake..

cos it was late we take cab there.. 2 cabs as there were 5 of us.. when we reach westmall.. it was already late.. then we wait for cj cab to arrive.. when he reach he said he forgotten to take his stuff that he bought just now.. god.. i feeling too fckup so i nv noticed that he forgot to take his stuffs just now.. he was saying that he wana ignore it since we already late for the movie.. but i ask him to go back and take.. since we already late for the movie anyway.. dun waste time and money to buy those ns stuffs again.. so he and daniel martin took cab back to bukit timah plaza.. i wanted to go wif him.. but if we all go again we need to get another cab.. that would be a waste of money.. so i say he and daniel go back while we stay and check the next timing..

the next movie time for house of fury was like 4+pm.. then i was like sian.. its around 2hrs+ away... and i was quite pissed as they like dun bother about movie likdat.. like im the only one wana watch.. we missed the 12+pm timing and now the 2+pm also... wtf?... i dun really have the mood to watch the 4+pm .. as by the time it end would be 6+pm.. whole day gone likdat.. from morning i say wana watch until evening then watch?.. the whole plan for today was crumbled..

after that i came up with the plan to go clubbing i ask them about it.. they never say dun want.. i know they might not want.. so i ask them to confirm.. if they wana go clubbing then we go home now.. and prepare.. if they dun want.. we go watch the 4+pm movie.. they kinda dun mind clubbing at that moment.. so they called cj and daniel martin they also kinda nv say dun want.. so we decided to go clubbing.. we waited for cj and daniel to come back to westmall then we go back together..

it was great that no one take cj stuffs.. he got it back.. was happy for him.. hm after tat we went to take bus home.. shortly after i reach home.. benson call me say that they dun wan to go clubbing.. say they are tired.. then ask if i wana go other place.. i was like wtf.. if they dun wan they could have say just now.. and now im home they ask me go other place... was feeling kinda disappointed.. nvm..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:59 PM