wows.. so tired.. /yawns.. well slept at around 7am this morning after bathing and well i woke up at around 11+am.. and went back to sleep at about 1+pm while waiting for the guys to make their final decision on plans..

well i was woken up by zhenning's call at about 4+pm.. telling me that the plan would be meeting in town.. so i called gabriel and update him with it and we went to prepare..

after tat we took bus down to Plaza Sing to meet up with them.. it was around 6:30pm when gabriel, wei xiang and i got there.. so after meeting up with chengju, benson and zhenning we decide to settle down for dinner but most were packed so in the end we decided to try if Ajisen is packed as well.. lol surprisingly it still have table for the 6 of us.. hehe so we settled down and ordered our dinner after some discussion lol..

i had my black pepper beef ramen as usual and wei xiang also ordered the same as me while the other guys ordered miso cha su ramen.. while we're eating we chatted about lots of stuffs and even after dinner we still carried on.. till around near 9pm then we left Ajisen and went upstairs to check out the movies.. hmm but after some thoughts they decided not to watch any movie since there wasnt any nice shows currently.. well actually they dont mind watching "Snakes on a plane" but in the end we thought the storyline probably would be quite lame and expected so didnt want to watch it..

well so we decided to spend the rest of the night at parklane's cyber cafe.. lol well we played 3 rounds of dota base on 3 v 3.. and as i expected gabriel was the best in dota lol and he pwned us.. lols.. well after tat we took cab home..

well gabriel, wei xiang and i slacked at my neighborhood chatting about some stuffs till around 4+am then we go home..

sighs well after i got back i checked selene's blog.. hmm no updates.. but well i realised that she've removed all the photos in her friendster that i've taken with her.. its was quite a disturbing & heart broken sight.. i cant believe she can let it go so fast and easily.. haiz.. i guess i will have to edit my photos as well.. but the feeling is pretty unbarring..

sighs.. aniway i'll go to bed now.. its almost daylight! /omg

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:36 AM

just came back after meeting my sec school friends at westmall.. watched sneak preview of FrostBite at 11:35pm with chengju and gabriel.. the show was alright.. i will rate it 5/10 i guess.. not a very high rating cos it wasnt something i expected..

the next show i want to watch prolly would be Stay Alive!.. saw the preview in the cinema just now and it looked pretty freaky..

aniway still remember when i first saw the poster for FrostBite in Plaza Sing i was still with selene.. i was still teasing her about it.. but didnt expect things will turn out this way now.. i really cant believe it.. how i wish all these were just a bad dream.. hais.. but sadly it wasnt..

well.. zhenning meet us after the movie and we 4 guys slacked around westmall and did some further catching up with each other..

hmm looks like things arent going very well with chengju and zhenning too in terms of relationships.. we're really on the same boat most of the time.. but yeah aniway i hope we'll learn from all these experiences and hopefully not making the same mistakes again..

cheer up guys! not as if we cant live without girls right? heh.. actually im also just self consoling myself bahs.. yeahs its hard to move on.. but we dont have a choice.. its pointless staying in the same spot hoping for miracles.. /sighs..

aniway i really agree that going out will make a depressed person happier.. its really better then locking urself at home and feel even more terrible..

haix.. saw selene's blog.. i dont understand wat happen to her today though.. keep cursing and saying everything sucks and such.. haiz.. and even changed her friendster's profile calling herself a "bitch".. hais.. aniway i thought this was wat she wanted?.. single life and focusing on her work?.. hais.. all i can say now is.. takecare and be happy.. becos its a choice u've made.. i've respected it eventhough it was unbearable and i hope u will be happier with it..

dont worry i wont hate u.. eventhough u're no longer my gf.. i will still treat u like a friend.. i just need time to get over the pains..

sighs saw her changing her marital status to single.. so i guess i should change mine too.. since it doesnt mean anything anymore..

the hurts are still there.. but im trying my best to get over them.. and move on with my life.. sighs.. thanks everyone for all the advises and support.. it really helped me alot.. if not i guess i will still be in extreme sadness and despair now..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:32 AM

i just saw my hp.. and saw darling sms saying "Go see your email."

and i just read wat she send to me on the email.. right now my heart is totally shattered.. i cant believe it.. why does she has to do this to me.. all becos she say she want to focus on her work and shes breaking up with me... i seriously cant believe it.. looks like supporting her to work indirectly causes the karma of this?..

my god.. im so fucking hurt.. nvm.. wat else can i say..

totally heart broken again.. why?.. my tears no longer flows outwards now.. its flowing inwards.. my heart is crying... i cant believe that all these is true....

oh no im wrong.. my tears are trying to come out.. but im forcing them back.. im feeling my heavy heart beat now and i can feel the numb from head to toe.. its like drinking alcoholic drinks and slowly feeling the effects.. the pain is getting stronger each second..

looks like all the while im the retarded one and foolish one..

girls are so weird.. onces they can love u so much.. next they can just let go of everything..

aniway.. takecare and hf selene.. thanks for all the injuries u've given to me these few weeks...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:44 PM

hais.. been so long since me and darling had talked.. i dont know whats going on.. is she mad at me or wat.. i feel like taking the initiative yet im afraid that i will sink deeper into misery and depression again..

im trying very hard now to ignore it becos when i think of it.. it makes me cant do anything at all.. hais.. why is she treating me this way now?.. i know that im no longer anything to her already as from the way she blogs now.. she actually calls me "HE" in her blog.. can u believe that?.. sighs.. wat had i done to deserve this kind of treatment from her..

sighs.. i dont know..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:26 PM

lols.. saw this on iRO FreeBSS.. thought was rather meaningful and true.. so here it goes..


You Know Your A 90's Kid if ....

Anybody under the age of 13 should not read this. Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid.

It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it.


You're a 90's kid if:

U remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain , and Two Stupid Dogs.

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!

You just cant resist finishing this... "Iiiiiiin west philladelphia born and raised..."

You remember TGIF on ABC. Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

You remember when, 2Pac and Selena died.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You remember the craze, then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record "Your FAVORITE song of ALL time"

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.

You remember when super nintendo's and Sega Genisis became popular.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos... but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"

You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember when Yomega Yo-Yos were cool.

You remember those Where's Waldo books..

You remember the special effects on Mortal Kombat and thought they were the coolest thing ever!

U remember eating Warheads.(those sour candys)

You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.

U remember Ring Pops.

U remember drinkin' Fruitopia and Surge.

if you memeber when every thing was "da BOMB"

when they made the new lunchables so that you could make tacos and pizza!!

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

Writing M.A.S.H. notes. (and the twenty different versions of that)

Making those little paper fortune cookie things.. and then predicting your life with them.

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"

You played and/or collected "Pogs"

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers,and Ninja Turtles.

You had a favorite New Kid on the block, and you knew all of there names

Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and talking Elmo were always sold out.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

You remember a time before the WB.

You collected all the Troll dolls

You owned a portable tape player.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.


You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

You remember "American Gladiators" and watched it like a religion.

"Talk to the hand" ... enough said

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You know the significance of the number 23.

You went to McD's to play in the playplace.


You remember playing on merry go rounds...at the play ground.





When we were younger:

Before the MySpace frenzy...

Before the Internet & text messaging...

Before Sidekicks & iPods...

Before MIKE JONES...

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX...

Before Sponge Bob
...Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.


When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs .

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

when it was all about N64.


WHEN MAKING OUT WAS HAVING SEX

WHEN YOU TRADED POKEMON CARDS FOR A LIVING

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!


YAY for all the 90's Kids on IRO !!! <333>

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:34 PM

as expected of my most hated module.. ESD!.. today's ESD paper is really GONER!! fck!!.. when i see the paper my mind was like totally lost and blank.. all the stuffs i studied and revised seems to disappear.. i was struggling with the paper.. hais.. 100% Failed!.. so upset!..

after paper at 4pm i stayed on in school with derick and we chatted until 7+pm.. hais me just got home and ate dinner not long...

now must do better for my last paper OSN ler.. thats the only hope left.. god bless!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:31 PM

hais.. so angry.. i was going through the exam paper i had in the morning cos im curious about my answers.. after checking it with my lecture book i realised that i made quite afew careless mistakes.. and some answers i got them correct actually but i smart alex go change them and they became wrong.. argghhs!!.. pengz!!.. so dam wasted!!.. haissx..

hais.. looks like i wont get very good grades for this module overall ler.. blame it that i never revise well enuff.. piff.. but aniway passing this paper i think "shouldnt" be a problem.. haix kk must faster get over it.. so i can focus on my next paper!.. arghss..

kks ima go sleep now.. byebyes!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:38 PM

just came back from campus and finished my breakfast..

well the paper was quite alright.. at least i could do all the questions but well got afew questions im not very sure so just tried my best to think of the solutions.. well i hope i will be able to get pretty good grade for this paper bah.. i dont dare to assume anything now.. just has to wait for the results..

aniway i prolly go take a bath again since im sticky again although i've already bathed in the morning before i went to take the exam.. and well after tat i prolly go take a nap as i dont have enuff sleep..

well after i wakeup i'll got to try to study for the next paper which is my most hated module.. hopefully i can concentrate again..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:10 PM

sighs.. im going to bed now to rest.. eyes getting blured..

today was trying to force myself to concentrate on my revision.. i went to school to study in the afternoon.. hoping that it will help me concentrate better.. but end up i still couldnt concentrate and i got dizzy again.. so i faster pack up and went back home before i faint in school or watever..

after i got home.. the dizziness was still there.. so i went to take a nap and well i woke up at 7+pm with the dizziness gone but with a sharp pain in my left arm.. i guess i strained my arm muscle.. cos i just lie onto my bed in a weird position and fell asleep..

sighs aniway after dinner i finally managed to sit down and force myself to really start revising.. so well i did all the past exams papers.. sighs got some stuffs i still couldnt understand yet.. but aniway i will be setting alarm to wake up at 6am to continue revising for my exam paper later at 9am..

i guess darling is playing mahjong happily now bah.. cos she sms me at 12:06am telling me shes going to play mahjong.. but well she sms me at 5:53pm telling me shes going to meet yun sis.. i guess they went for dinner and shopping or something until just now then go play mahjong bah?.. im not sure and i also dont have the energy to know already..

my heart is still feeling the same but im trying not to think anymore.. although its very hard for me but i dont have a choice..

alright.. good night peeps!

all the best to myself in advance for tomorrow's paper! sighs..

and not forgetting my darling, here wat i want to let you know..

enjoy urself.. i know u hate to waste ur weekend so i wont be asking u to sleep early or go home early.. do anything u want but remember to takecare of urself.. if u smoking alot please drink more water so ur throat wont be dry..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:21 AM

sighs.. just got up and ate abit of food.. sighs.. i woke up quite early actually.. but just keep forcing myself to go back to sleep.. becos onces im awake.. everything start pouring into me again.. its so hurting..

sighs.. last night i thought wat happened to darling.. cos she said she sms me after her movie.. but yet until 12+am she still nv sms me.. sighs.. i tot maybe she got scolded by her parents becos of wat i gave her?.. or maybe her parents go read wat i wrote in the card?.. i dont know wats going on.. so i can only randomly guess.. sighs.. i went to check on msn.. she wasnt online.. so it either means shes not home yet or shes was too tired and slept right after she got home.. anyway in the end.. i try to think that shes gone home and well she went to bed or so..

hais.. so i went to bed too.. im pretty worn out actually yesturday.. travelling around.. aniway when i woke up at 8+am then i saw her sms at 1:27am stating shes home.. at 1:40am then she sms me about the things i gave her..

although she still says hugs,love you,muacks.. and still calls me Baby.. but seriously im not happy even when i sees them.. becos the feeling from these words doesnt felt the same anymore.. i really feel that things is different.. darling imagine urself in my situation.. wat u would feel and think wouldnt be too far from wat im going thru now...

why did my darling suddenly changed into someone im so unfamiliar with.. only 2weeks past.. and everything became so different from how it was.. im really very sad.. my heart is hurting every second.. i cant concentrate on anything..

she doesnt use to smoke so much/often.. even if she does she normally wont write on her blog.. and she normally wont go out till so late in the night without telling me.. and now shes going back to clubbing?.. does she still know that she have a bf thinking of her?.. i seriously feel everything isnt same.. did she got influenced by her work friends or watever?.. or.......?

sighs but no matter wat.. shes still the selene i love.. i wont be mad at her just becos she turn out likedat now.. i can only hope that things will be back to normal soon.. everyday is so hard to get by for me now.. i really cant take it....

sighs.. or perhaps i shd try to change myself..
sighs but at the same time i dont even remember wats my life about anymore..

takecare..
totally heart brokened..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:14 PM

just got back not long.. sighs now having slight headache and dizziness..

i'll go rest.. update this post another time about wat happened today..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:00 PM

just saw darling's entry on her blog..

well as expected she did enjoyed herself.. thats good.. sighs.. she mentioned that after she parted with the girls her mood changed.. wats happening to her?.. sighs i really hope shes will be ok soon..

she told me she had some dirty encounters recently.. so if theres really some dirty things haunting her and giving her all the bad moods and unhappiness etc then please get away from her!!!.. want to haunt please come haunt me!!!.. please dont disturb and harm her this way.. it really hurts me alot!!!.. /sob..

on the other hand.. darling if im the source of your trouble, mood swing and irritation.. i wont mind if you break off with me or please tell me how i can change to make u feel better.. i will try my best to change for u.. i want you to be happy!.. sighs..

hais.. she said she dont know wat she really want now.. this phrase in some sense should have something to do with many things in her life.. relationship should be part of it.. maybe she feel that im not the kind of guy she want?.. hais.. i also starting to feel im not good enough for her.. i cant give her happiness.. i cant give her wat she wants....

hais.. i dont know.. alot of things in my mind too at the moment...

sobb...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:15 AM

my handphone beeped.. as i expected it was a message from my darling.. i guess shes home after her ktv.. its 11:30pm..

she said.. "Baby.. I leave a msg in your friendster. Go take a look.. Sorry."

when i saw this.. i felt very scared.. becos the last time she said this.. the message she wrote wasnt a nice one at all..

i was preparing myself for a breakup message but surprisingly it wasnt..

Date: Wednesday, 16 August, 2006 11:30 PM
Subject: Baby, im sorry

Message:

Baby I know i've hurt you once again. I made you disappointed in me.
Im really sorry.

Yesterday you so happily called me yet i talk to you in such a
down tone. I also dont know why. Hais. Maybe im just too tired
lers. never had any good sleep these days. Sorry.

Your exams is around the corner. Please focus and study hard
for it. Dont regret in future. Dont dissappoint your parents and
yourself..

I know be it i call you or sms you, you also wont be replying me.
im really sorry. I didnt want it to happen too de.

For now, just dont think of anything. Just focus on your studies.
That's most important okays? You take good care of yourself.

When you feel better or you wana find me ler then contact me
bahs. Im just focus on my job now. Dont because of all this affect
your studies please. I know you will have no mood to study but
no matter what, you still gonna try your best on it. Dont regret in
future again.

Jia you !

Hugs`

after reading this.. im touched.. onces again my dried eyes was filled with tears again.. im not a cry baby but im just overly emotional..

sighs although im happy.. my mind had two scene about this message..

good side: my darling is getting more understanding and wants to give me some personal space..
bad side: im not so important to her anymore..

watever side it is.. i still want to say..

thank you darling.. thanks for being such a sweetie to a lousy boyfriend like me.. /sob.. i hope u had a great time at ktv just now.. and i guess u probably smoked as well.. i wont restrict u if u want to smoke but please dont over smoke.. u know if i know i will be worried.. I promise u i will try my best in this upcoming exams!

lastly take care of yourself too.. where-ever u're i want you to know u're being missed by me..

please take good care of yourself.. /sob

although that message did reduce the hurt im going thru but it didnt manage to cure me totally.. im still feeling sad and painful.. the feeling of insecurity is driving me crazy.. its like im going to loose her anytime.. sighz..

i know that security is depending on me.. i shd be the one putting in effort as well.. but now.. im loosing confidences in myself.. im starting to feel that im not a good boyfriend at all.. i dont have the power to give her happiness.. and i really dont know how to be one.. i expect too much from myself when i cant live up to my own expectations.. i want to be a perfect boyfriend and i keep stressing myself trying to do things that im not ready to do yet.. its so xinku.... but i cant control it..

im breaking down... i suck big time.. /sob

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:46 PM

i no longer know who i am.. i am no longer the yc i used to be.. onces again i sank deeper into darkness..

sitting infront of my pc now with a broken heart..
thinking of the past..
the present..
things i regretted..
im feel so lonely and helpless..
i pity myself..

thinking of my darling onces again make my heart whirls and hurts.. nowadays whenever i think of her.. a wave of sorrows just eat me up like a tsunami.. it hurts so much that tears just flows unknowingly..

time flies.. since the day i saw selene (darling) it had been 8months and 13days (22,118,400 seconds).. but i still remember the moment i saw her..

it was on the 3rd of December 2005.. a Saturday.. as usual i was there with my group of clubbing friends at music underground.. half way thru we moved to the dance floor infront of the DJ and i think y2k (terry) was with me at that moment.. somehow when my eyes swap pass the dance floor.. i noticed two girls standing infront of the platform thats on the stage and if i still remember correctly they were dressed in black.. at that point i guess they're just resting becos they weren't doing anything.. but somehow my eyes got hold of one of the girl which was selene.. i dont know why but thats the first time i actually take note of someone during clubbing.. normally i cant be bothered with girls in club as im there just to dance with kangwei, shiny jie and other close clubbing friends like xiaofeng,koni,jace,hui ting,y2k,elmo,canto and the rest..

but this time i keep looking at her.. she seem to attract my attention alot.. but well after awhile i think they left or so.. cos they disappeared.. although before that i got the urge to talk to her.. but i didnt dare to do so.. becos i dont have the experience of approaching girls i dont know.. but well after they left.. i still thought of her.. but i tried to shake myself out of it..

well afew days later.. a girl i dont know added me on friendster (which is a very rare thing).. i view her profile.. and her photos was very very familiar.. after i saw the word clubbing in her profile.. i start to recall and felt that she might be the girl i saw in MU on Saturday.. (i wasnt so sure becos i didnt get a clear look of her face in MU as the atmosphere was quite dark and dim) so well i send her a message on friendster to clarify...

Below are the messages

Yc wrote: thanx for adding me.. btw u look quite familiar
- x selene x - wrote: welcome.. =) erms.. i look familiar? o.o?? lols`
Yc wrote: duno leh just feel u look familiar hmm..where do u club ?
- x selene x - wrote: ohh.. i club at music undergroundd. euu?
Yc wrote: o.O.. no wonder!! yea i also club at mu .. no wonder i find u so familiar.. i think i saw u before in mu! lol.. xD..
- x selene x - wrote: oicc` lols. u always go mu de huhh? mii go onsaturdae de. =P btw can introo?

it was on 8th of December 2005.. (thursday)

i was very happy actually.. and at the same time i cant believe that its so coincidence.. sighs.. we continued to chat on friendster messaging till later on when she ask me to add her on msn then we swap over..

the first sms she sent me was on 9th of December 2005 3:29am..
she said "Selene here.. This is my no. =)"
that was when i've got her number and also the first sms i receive from her..
although it was just a simple sms to let save her number i find it so cute.. maybe becos of the smile.. and yea i have a habit of reading out sms message in my mind and imagine its the person saying it..

well i cant recall when the date of our first conversation on phone.. but if im not wrong i think the first time she called me was when she's at orchard alone.. and her friend pangseh her i think.. so she called me ask me to accompany her.. but at tat time i was having dinner with family i think so we didnt manage to talk long if im not wrong..

theres still alot of memories of our first encounter..

but i will never forget how she held my hand when we're not together yet.. i will never forget the feeling she gave me at Plaza Sing.. when she suddenly grab my arm and i got a shock and faster moved my hand away.. then she was like stunned by my reaction also and she was blushing (paiseh) becos i move my hand away.. but i didnt did it on purpose.. i was just shocked that she will do that.. actually i like it alot at that moment..

i also cant forget how we actually hugged in public for the first time.. i was so shy at that moment and my heart was beating so fast..

there so much memories between her and me that i couldnt forget.. and i will never forget...

sighs.. my darling had changed somehow.. i dont know how to describe.. but well she had changed many times since the day i knew her.. but no matter how she change i will still try to accept it.. but i'll miss all the good points that was lost..

last time she used to be the one giving in to me and i was the one that was demanding alot from her becos i took the relationship seriously.. but well later on i changed till im the one thats giving in to her more and gave up alot of things for her.. like now my life is only her and me.. i dont have any friends basically.. becos i never contact anyone else other then her.. sighs.. becos she dont like it.. and i also cant promise that i wont spend more time on friends then her.. so in the end i have to make a choice.. which of cos i choose her so i have to give up contacting other people..

sometimes i really feel bad neglecting all my friends.. but yet i feel ashamed to face them after wat i've done.. sorry to everyone.. sighs.. especially shiny jie, lynz jie and kangwei bro.. they've always tried to stay in contact with me but i always been such a asshole.. sighs.. im sorry to all those i've disappointed.. /sob

hais.. its hard to get use.. but now im getting used to it i guess.. but its a lonely life.. hais.. but now i find it so hard to live.. becos im having study break.. and in the day im so totally lonely.. last time at least in the day i would be in school.. something to keep me occupied.. hais.. and well now darling seem to spend alot of time with yun sis and her work friend.. aniway she starting to form her own private life i guess?.. well i wont interfere becos its her rights to have a private life..

recently when i told her that im so sian etc.. she ask me why nv go out with other people etc.. hais.. i also dont know.. last time i always quarrel with her becos she never give me any private space for personal freedom.. but now when im almost used to this kind of life shes telling me to find friends to go out with?.. i'll feel weird.. becos its something she restrict me from doing so much last time.. but yet now she kinda "allowing" it? im confused.. sighs..

i'll see how bahs.. prolly after exams when i go back into RO.. then i wont feel so left out in life le.. becos at least i can talk to people in RO and keep myself busy when my darling is busy with her work and her personal private life.. sighs..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:59 PM

sighs sister went to melborne for tour with one of my cousin.. sighs im going to be more lonely now at home.. she wont be back for maybe 1 week i think.. or maybe 2 weeks.. sighs forgotten the date..

aniway last night i dont know what happened to darling.. called her but she got nothing to talk to me.. made me feel totally sad and lonely.. shes the only one i can talk to but yet we've nothing to talk about.. and when i ask her question she wasnt even paying attention on wat im saying.. and making me have to repeat them again and again..

something seems to be bothering her.. but when i ask her.. all she does is claiming shes fine.. she totally got no mood to talk to me.. and even when im upset she also never shown much concern.. totally breaks my heart..

while talking to me.. she wasnt even focus at all too.. she was busy chatting with people on msn.. sighs.. i feel so extra.. in the whole conversation she never said much sentences.. only standard answers.. and even the question she ask me is always the same.. haiz.. when i ask her u got nothing to tell me or talk to me.. she also nv say anything.. she was like cant be bothered about me likdat.. sighs.. and she didnt seem to miss me at all..

sighs.. contacting less in a relationship will either make both of them miss and love each other even more or make them drift further apart from each other.. i missed darling alot but yet now i feel shes drifting away from me..

why?.. nowadays all she does is chat with her work mates and yun sis.. i guess i've became a 3rd party.. i really felt left out.. sighs..

why fate must always do this to me right when my love for her is so deep.. resulting in a deeper hurt and disappointment..

have u ever experience the feeling of missing someone so deeply but when u talk to them u can feel that they dont feel the same for u.. this kind of feeling is really heart breaking..

why does she treat me likedat suddenly.. i feel so scared and insecured.. i dont feel love from her anymore..

sighs.. she wrote in her blog that her mood isnt good and that her menses is coming soon.. but why she nv tell me these on the phone?.. at least if she let me know earlier i can understand and wont be so upset.. why does she always have to wait till im hurt already then she come and say sorry.. /sob

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:45 AM

waoh.. so the sky is so dark now.. like as if its near 7pm like that.. :o.. aniway listening to those songs darling sent me last night to keep myself entertained.. sighs so sadcase.. i used to have so many songs in my pc can listen until crazy but now i got less then 50 songs?.. so pathetic.. hais.. i miss my old harddisk! but it crashed together with my pc many months ago :( hopefully my sis's friend can fix it for me.. becos he said might have chance to recover all the datas in the hard disk..

sighs! i want all my songs back!.. but yet i dun feel like searching for them again as the thought of it really make me sian1/2 sighs becos too many songs liao.. not to mention that some songs i also forgotten their titles ler.. so how to search for them again -.-..

sighs aniway.. got to continue with my revision soon.. its getting nearer to exam's dates.. /sighs..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:35 AM

Goh YangChun, your vibe is Tickled Pink

You've got a sweet side that likes nothing better than to be tickled pink. That's why your charming vibe always rubs people just the right way. An affectionate soul like you is always thinking of others, and you find joy in being a generous and engaging part of your community. After all, you know it's much more rewarding to give than receive.This doesn't mean that you won't stand up for yourself when necessary. But you think things through before acting, and you tread lightly when you can. And there's no better way to make a bigger or more lasting impression on people than by leaving them tickled pink too.

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:51 PM

sobs.. couldnt stand it anymore i just called darling.. really miss her so damm much.. but sadly shes busy at work.. couldnt talk to me.. i tot she will be very excited that i called her cos we havent talked for 1 week but quite disappointing.. told her i really miss her alot but yet she replied in some sort of doubtful tone.. prolly becos shes busy bahs.. haiz.. hope so..

i really miss her so much.. just now while talking to her my tears just rolled down.. but im not crying.. it just came out of my eyes.. maybe cos im happy to hear her voice? or isit something else.. i duno how to describe this feeling.. but i really misses her so much!!..

sighs.. how i wish she could had gave me a better feeling just now on the phone.. but its ok i understand that i called her at the wrong time... screw me.. hais..

all of a sudden i feel so lonely and so sad.. sighz.....

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:42 PM

hais.. i miss my darling so much.. cant stop thinking of her.. damit.. how to focus on my revisions likedat.. haiss.. someone please slap me!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:04 PM

saw darling's entry about yesturday night shopping and clubbing.. hmm she didnt explain why she never reply my sms in the morning /sob.. but nvm its ok she must has her reason for not replying..

seems like she did enjoy the shopping etc.. thats really good.. aniway i wasnt really that happy when i read about the bastard trying to talk to my darling.. well my darling told me about him before.. he was her ex.. hais.. i wonder wat kind of attitude my darling showed him.. hopefully is those very mean kind.. haha.. evil me..

well if im starting to feel jeolous.. it means that shes very important to me..

aniway lols.. saw the testimonial i wrote for darling on her friendster with the pirate flash on it.. really make me laugh lols!.. so funny hahaha.. that flash rocks! hahaha

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:33 PM

just got out of my bed.. still so tired.. last night never sleep well.. keep waking up to check on my hp.. worried that something might happen to my darling.. well.. cause she went to club at mu yesturday with yun.. i also dont know wat im worried about.. just couldnt stop thinking.. all i know is if anything happened to her i will go down and find her immediately..

haiz.. in the morning she didnt even msg me if she got home or not.. so well i assume she got home already.. but just too tired to msg me..

kk.. hope she had fun yesturday..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:09 AM

hais.. just got out of my bed.. although i woke up very early i just keep turning around on my bed till now.. sighs haven got my breakfast yet.. totally no appetitide at all recently.. i dont eat much and dont even got the feeling of hunger..

sighs.. well my cousin is here again with her children.. so great.. they going to mess with my bomberman's figuring again.. hais.. moodless!.. wat the fuck is happening to me!?.. i just get moody and moodless day after day.. its not getting any better at all!.. well maybe after my exams it will be better?? i seriously hope.. or else i can predict what darling going to say to me.. and i really dont like it.. sighs!..

just saw her blog.. hmph.. she nv reply me on tagboard lol.. but nvm cos theres nothing to reply also.. hmms.. saw someone posting on it.. made me felt some slight unhappiness.. maybe jeolousy? i hope not.. but just dont really like that person.. becos he only interact with females.. i really hate this kind of people.. and the way he always tags makes me feel as if he's trying to flirt with my girl.. normal chat is fine not but over the limit i will not be happy... sighs or am i being over sensitive this time due to my recent bad mood? i know my character tend to get easily irritated and sensitive when im moody or moodless..

sighs but aniway this world is just too realistic.. how i wish im born with the character like these 'realistic' people.. so at least i wont feel that the world is such a sickening place.. becos when u're one of them you wont feel the difference...

lastly i want to thank my darling for trying to be understanding.. im sorry that i totally dont have the mood to talk to her and such these days.. but i still think of her alot.. sadly the t-shirt she wore dont have much of her smell left.. so i cant really feel her presence anymore.. hais.. maybe i could try spray the perfume she put at my house on the shirt?.. but i dont think it will smell like her either.. talking about perfume i really like the perfume she use last year..

meanwhile i hope her sisters will be able to keep her accompanied.. so at least she wont be so bored.. hais i know her sister's accompanies might not be the same as me but at least shes not totally alone..

takecare darling.. love you..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:06 AM

so fucking cheebye.. parent kpkb becos of my dog.. just now they let it out for dinner then it go chase cat.. then it fainted and almost died.. then my dad kpkb say becos always tied the dog.. ccb lor.. now the granny and the maid here.. how to always let the dog out.. kns.. ask them to stay at home 24hr lor.. cb.. they are the ones that want to tie the dog.. then now kpkb about tieing the dog..

ccb.. then mum say becos no one want to help.. then my dad come say i useless!.. FCK him la! so pissed off!.. so fucking angry inside me.. but cant express my emotions.. its so fucking xinku lor!.. like going to explode likdat!.. somemore i already not very happy recently liao.. ccb!.. blame blame blame.. ccb.. i also duno when my mum will ask the maid to go out or watever.. how she wan me to let the dog out automatically.. knn!..

if they care about the dog so much then bring him go see doctor la!.. not as if the dog today then likdat.. its already so old liao lor since i primary 3 till now.. and to be realistic its going to pass away soon due to its age.. not that im cursing my dog.. of cos i will be sad if it really pass away but i've to be realistic.. and my parents also noe its already not so healthy le.. already got alot illness.. they also dun wan to bring him see doctor.. then now come kpkb!.. so fucking angry!..

and curse that fucking cat that always like to sneak into my house lar.. cb.. i hate the cats around my house.. cos they are so fucking irritating! often fight with other stray cats and making those baby sound.. its so sickening can.. some cats can be very adorable but deffinitely not these stray freaking cats around my house!! without my dog i guess my house garden already full of cat shit! grrr so mad now!!......

aniway i wont be surprised that my parents are going to quarrel again becos of this issue.. they already had a minor one just now.. and if this get worst it will deffinitely add on to my unhappiness!..

i hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everything SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:34 PM

hm.. just watched superband.. kinda crappy tat lucify didnt get in the final.. sighs.. aniway just logged on my friendster.. hmm and saw the msg that shihui sent me.. hmm how come it never prompt me that i have new message? and when i check my inbox that message was already marked as read.. does friendster has expiry on new messages?.. hmm weird..

or maybe my account got hacked.. oh well aniway i must say that the message wasnt really nice.. i got nothing to say as well..

haiz.. now i guess darling must be on the way home or going out with yun and her friend to chill out or eat dinner since i dun think they got time to eat dinner just now.. aniway hope shes taking care of herself..

well as for me.. my mood isnt very well as usual recently.. haiz..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:03 PM

oh well today is my grandmother birthday.. sighs.. today had some slight unhappiness with darling.. becos she didnt wore something nice.. and yet she still counter me say i myself also anyhow wear.. sighs.. im upset becos i've already told her i want her to wear something nice and put on makeup as well.. but she never did..

how i wish i could switch her clothing with the one she wore yesturday.. sighs its just that this is the first time i ever show my relatives my girl friend.. maybe thats why i expect her to be really outstanding.. she cant blame me for feeling that way.. after all shes the first girl i've shown to my relatives and joining a family event like my grandma's birthday.. hais..

i might had been harsh on u.. but baby i hope u understand why.. blame it that i have high expectations.. wanting my cousins and relatives to see how beautiful my darling is.. haiz.. typical guy ego i guess..

aniway i had a hard time "baby sitting" all my cousin's kid.. grrr.. hate it.. they are so mischievous just like little devils.. so hard to tame.. especially with my character.. haix.. then my baby was sitting there feeling so lost as we quarrelled.. and she never help me "settle" them lol.. hais.. but thinking back now.. im sorry darling.. i shouldnt be mad at you just becos u didnt wore something nice as i asked u to.. hais sorry..

aniway i really hate it when they play with my collection of bomber mans.. cos they are so rough.. and im the kind that like to keep my things in perfect condition.. and i seriously dont really like people touching my stuffs actually.. but they're my cousin's kids i also dont know how to scold them etc.. so haix no choice..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:08 PM

darling came to visit me just now after her work.. becos she said i wasnt feeling well so she wanted to accompany me.. i really appreciate her care for me.. and i really like how she dressed today.. really very beautiful..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:06 PM

just got home.. wat a hot day.. well morning woke up but feeling so tired still.. and as usual i didnt get to sleep well again last night.. keep waking up.. and had bad dreams as well.. sighs..

well my mood isnt any much better compared to yesturday.. vexed and moody.. lifeless yet again in school.. haiz.. im feeling so moody and moodless.. isit becos of my exams? i guess so.. well i have to finish up the rest of the cisco chapter test.. and well monday im going to have a written test based on all the online cisco chapters.. and thats going to weight 20% of the final mark.. sighs.. my friend and i also very sian by this..

well.. my first exam paper is on 19th Aug 06.. and its on a saturday.. wth man.. haix.. stressed!.. looks like life for me for the upcomming few weeks wont be very pleasant.. /sigh..

tomorrow is my grandma birthday.. and since shes staying at my house currently due to some reasons, my parents going to celebrate her birthday at my house.. and well they've ordered buffet.. haiz.. and well im not allowed to go out.. and my parents expect my sisters to come home striaght after their work for it..

sighs.. im very tired.. i'll end here..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:15 PM

wows.. so tired ><.. sleep abit late only then today so totally tired!..

in the morning also so tired until dun feel like waking up.. gawds.. aniway reach school at 9+am.. then was preparing for the labtest at 10am.. well lucky i passed the labtest.. 70 marks.. haix.. but actually i was aiming for 100 marks becos i really need it to compensate the bad results i got for the first labtest.. haix.. but well look on the bright side at least i cleared labtest 2.. now i just need to squeeze out more marks from the written test and online chapter test.. good luck to me.. =x..

labtest ended at 10:50am.. after tat i went to atrium and continue to do my presentation slides which wasnt completed yet.. and i did until 1:15pm then i faster rush to class to present.. gawd.. so stress man.. i so long never present then the worst is i really dont like my topic.. dont know wat it is about so i got no choice just anyhow read out wat i have researched.. so paiseh lor during presentation cos i so nervous then i keep saying wrong words.. kns!!.. grrr.. but at least its over =z..

but just now so lame lor.. osn tutorial that teacher pang seh us.. so fast go off!!.. me and my friend suppose to let him mark our tutorial at 4pm.. then we was slacking at canteen2 and having our lunch after the lab at 3pm.. becos our tutorial was at 4pm and we have no class at 3pm so we slacked, ate and did our tutorial in the canteen.. well inbetween we saw some 'hiao' ladies.. i shall call them ladies becos they look old.. at least 20yr old bah?.. duno wat course they studying in.. but well the way they wear really 'hiao'.. put quite heavy makeup then with long highlighted hairs.. wearing mini skirts which were so short sia.. then the t-shirt's sleeves so short until can see their bras already from through the side.. plus the way they walk is like slow motion sia.. pengs! u can imagine the scene.. /omg sia..

aniway well time flies so fast.. then when i saw the time it was 4+pm ler!.. so we faster rush to class.. but well when we reach there we see the clock it was 4:10pm ler.. then no people in the class.. WTF?.. he pang seh us lor.. then my friend called his friend then we realised that the class is dismissed ler.. they went there sign attendance then go off ler... kns!.. so we went to office to find him but he wasnt at his desk when we call his ext number.. so we waited outside the office.. thinking that he will come back.. but we waited until 5pm!! he still not back... so we go off ler.. kns!!.. wanted to let him mark our tutorial also so hard to find him.. pengs!.. nevermind next week then say him in class! /pif..

kks ima go rest now.. so tired!!.. today run here and there carrying my heavy labtop and bag.. shoulder breaking sia.. plus last night slept late and also never sleep well... kks.. laters!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:34 PM