sighs.. wat a tiring day.. just got home not long.. slept in campus library during break.. then just now was raining heavily at around 3+pm.. but it got smaller when i ended my lessons at 4pm.. so walked in the rain till i got home.. cos i dun like to bring umbrella out..

sighx.. aniway im going to bath now cos im drenched and maybe sleep after that.. takecare people.. have fun!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:40 PM

dots.. my gf love to scold me as u all can see on the tagboard.. -.-".. im just so worthless to get scolded always wth.. not only my parents but even my gf.. yea yea im not just only a lazy bum for not updating my blog but im also a retarded person.. kays!.. when was the last time someone sincerly praised me or say something nice?.. i dont even know.. and well maybe thats one of the reason why im still playing games till today (although i haven been playing much these months).. becos u'll get praised in game for being good or pro etc.. and also sometimes u can find truely caring people through games.. just like thru ragnarokonline i met kyozame, raina and rose.. the kind of concern they show isnt just surface but its deep and u can feel that they really care about u.. not just saying for the sake of saying but they meant wat they said.. its this kind of sincerity that matters the most.. but sadly in life.. its hard to have someone sincerly praising u and seriously concern about u.. but yes there're quite alot of cases of true friendships/brotherhood/sisterhood.. but sadly im not the fortunate one..

sorry im not trying to act childish or retarded.. but i just feel that wats life about if theres no support/concern/love at all.. im grown up in a family whom no one bothers to support me since i was borned.. watever i do/try is wrong.. and until now its still the same rules.. for someone like this i really appreciate any support/concern my friends or anyone can give.. but sadly until today i cant really see anyone sincerly doing it.. is it becos im numb or becos im heart-dead or becos i was borned to have no one supporting/caring..

aniway cut this crap.. i've nothing much to blog about my life rather then the same old emo crap which i dont wana repeat.. else im going to get blame for blogging only bad moments.. but seriously how much happy moments there're in my life...

just that recently i have been really busy with school work.. when i get home i just feel like taking a break off everything.. just like today whole day in campus drilling knowledge into my brain from 9 to 5pm.. sighx.. next wednesday has FIT lab test.. goshs.. and today in lab we're like so lost.. my classmates also care about themselves only.. no one willing to teach..

sighs.. then during OSN lab.. i almost crack my brain out too.. figuring all the commands etc.. and follow up with tutorial when i have to crack my brain again upon two confusing maths related questions.. goshx.. and thinking of tomorrow makes me bored.. full day of lectures.. sighx.. by the way X-men3 out tomorrow man!.. deffinitely full house.. i guess i will watch it afew days later.. well dont think my gf would like to watch it.. cos she hate action shows.. which has no explaination upon.. so oh well.. i also dont know if im going to watch it..

aniway today is chengju's birthday.. he told me his family is going to celebrate with him tonight.. so i hope hes having fun right now.. happy birthday dude!..

sighs.. recently.. i've been having lunch break alone.. and everytime after i finish my lunch i will start to think about my life.. and many things.. sighs.. in school i dont have any real friends except maybe derek whom i get to meet during certain lessons on certain days.. well knew him since year1.. last time he used to be a fag.. but now somehow hes better.. i dont know if i treat him as a real friend.. and neither do i know if he treat me as one.. but we just hang around whenever we've same lessons.. in poly its really hard to read wat other pple are thinking.. but all i can say is since year1.. i've seen most friends being friends only in school.. after school u seldom will hear from them anymore.. its that kinda pattern.. and most of them only sticks to those that has benefits.. all i can say is hypocrites is everywhere in poly!.. i cant be sure if other courses are as bad but i can be sure in engineering.. almost all are likdat.. haiz..

derek shared with me quite alot of his views in life.. and well again i feel that wat he said is true but i just couldnt change myself.. no matter how many pple or advise i hear i just couldnt change.. and its the feeling of fighting against urself thats making life really miserable.. its so shit up and irritating everyday..

sighss.. dun feel like blogging anymore too much emo.. i might not even know what im blogging.. so thats all for now..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:44 PM

hmms.. just got back from dar's house.. today we suppose to meet up for movie but due to my kuku hair too long ler so spend too much time messing with it until eventually i went to dar house and stayed there..

this is the first time i been to dar's house for so long.. we also went for dinner at her house area.. the best thing was she try to help me style my hair lols.. first time.. aniway it didnt worked haha but i appreciated it.. cos its not a easy thing to do.. thanks dar.. and i really hope u enjoyed urself today.. although its only at ur house..

well shes going for her job training today at 10:30am.. sighs shes going back to work ler and therefore lesser time to accompany me etc ler.. becos this is a full time job.. so the working hours are like 12hrs daily.. haix.. really wonder wats going to happen when dar start working..

feeling abit insecure.. but oh well i trust her and i believe working is good for her.. at least she can gain working experiences, knowledge and be independent.. also she will be able to buy all the clothes and things she wants.. so i will support her deffinitely.. just hope everything will be fine..

well there are some other things that i've not blog and cos im kinda tired now.. so i'll update those later..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:56 AM

fine.. dar u wan to show me attitude right.. wtf i do wrong to piss u off.. the last entry pissed u off?.. oh how great.. and aniway in the last entry i didnt even scold or blame u.. did i? i was just trying to express my side of view.. yes maybe im wrong but at least i nv show u attitude and now u show me.. and how many times u showed me attitude recently..

i called u talk to u nicely on the phone.. not even talkin about that.. and u give me this kinda "i dont care" attitude.. talk to u then u dont wan to respond make me like a retarded at least when i got no mood i also got respond to ur question in the phone.. if u not feeling well at least u can tell me right? i will understand and jolly well leave u alone to cool down first.. and this didnt just happen today k.. i even ask if u wan to call me after u feel better.. but u just keep quiet.. never even reply.. and i tell u i feel like a bai chi talking cos u never answer.. and u reply say now u noe wats bai chi.. wtf u trying to say.. wat i do wrong huh! oh maybe calling u is a mistake.. fine..

if u are trying to revenge on me becos last time i got make u feel like a bai chi before.. at least let me know.. dont let me guess.. cant u see that im trying to talk to u despite of my depression.. and talking to u nicely.. but wat attitude is that u giving me now.. nvm!

many times i call u becos i miss u but how many times the moment u pick up the voice u give me is those kinda "sian" tone.. wats wrong with u now? im not doing well as a bf? if so please let me know so i can change..

bye!!.

- i hate cold blooded girls *
6:20 PM

hais.. just wokeup by my alarm not long ago.. still feeling so tired eventhough i slept earlier last night.. guess i had some dreams but cant seem to recall any onces i wokeup.. well checked my hp and saw a sms from my friend.. which my hp record to receive at 4:20am.. it was quite a long sms telling me to fight in the name of love.. and also said "A chance of lasting happiness is worth working hard for! =)" thanks.. i understand wat u're trying to bring across.. onces again thanks for the care u've given.. in despite of yourself being in a stress state trying to cope with your work..

well read dar's blog.. am shocked to see her writting about that again.. sighs.. dar if u feel that u can never forgive her can u at least dont keep bringing it up in ur blog.. just let this matter be forgotten can?.. well i dont know if u're really so persistent on breaking this friendship with her.. on the outside u really look like u hate her so much but in your heart only u urself know if u really bear to break this friendship.. sighs.. im not sure about this also bah.. becos i got no attitude.. well last time my good friends also keep contacting the girl i love and afew even ending up being her bf when they was "helping" me out with her.. yeah jeolousy and anger can be felt.. but wat to do.. cant expect me to wack my own friend or wat.. and wat would the girl i love feel? restricted, scared, dislike me and maybe more.. but well as long as shes happy wat for shd i break her up with my friend or forbid my friends from contacting her.. for me i just wont be able to do such thing i guess.. but well partly also becos i dont have much experiences with girls and especially relationship.. so such major incident didnt really happened in my life before..

thats why i find it hard to accept when u forbid ur sister from contacting me.. afterall we're just friends.. eventhough yea we were quite close.. but our close only limited to chatting in irc and didnt even call each other much.. not to mention we didnt even went out or meet up with each other at all.. and everytime we chat also about the problems in our relationship.. she would try her best to cheer me up whenever we quarrel.. sighs.. and now she get into such a big mess and lost u who's a great sister in her heart.. i feel really really guilty and terrible you know?.. if it wasnt becos of me she wouldnt had get into this.. sigh..

you tell me its not becos of me.. but cos she didnt keep her promise.. and cos she done this before already.. sighs but i just feel sad for her.. and now im still with u while she lost u totally.. this feeling is really disgusting to me u noe?.. its like i steal u away from her or wat.. and she might feel that i caused all these too and hate me for it.. sighz.. when we was contacting on irc.. we always feel so stress becos its like we're doing something in the dark.. but most of the time we try to find a perfect solution that can make everyone happy.. haiz..

i dont know how.. now she didnt contact me at all.. and i also didnt.. and it had been quite long already.. eversince u broke friendship with her.. even if we want to we also wouldnt dare.. so why are u still so pissed off.. haiz..

seriously i dont wan to talk to u about this anymore.. becos i feel that the more i try explaining to u.. the more pissed off u're with her.. and worst is i feel that u're starting to misunderstand the situation even more.. like wat u state in ur blog.. she did tell me that u're not happy with her contacting with me.. but we knew it.. the reason for our contact was becos we really treat each other as friends and till the end yea we're almost like bro and sis.. but its becos whenever we have unhappiness we would tell each other.. and help each other out.. we're nothing more then just caring for each other just like bro and sis.. but u just cant accept ur sis contacting with ur bf.. sighz.. i really dont understand.. but i dont wana bring it up further and cause even more unhappiness..

all i can say is.. from wat she shown me.. she look really devoted to u as a sister.. do u know she told me before that she will rather break friendship with me then to lose a sister she had known for years.. but in the end she was trapped inbetween friend and sis.. and i also trapped inbetween u and her.. while u keep forcing us to choose only one.. its like when ur close buddy and ur lover both fell into the sea.. who would u save?.. deffinitely u will want to save both right?.. if u tell me u only choose one when u might be able to save both then can u live in peace for the rest of ur life? sighz.. to me i really feel that she never do anything bad to u.. and she did respect that im ur bf.. she didnt flirt with me nor did she say any bad things about u.. not a single one.. she even support u and try to explain for u whenever i seek her for advise regarding our quarrels etc.. haiz.. u know to me i can feel that she cherish u alot as a sister.. becos i was like her before too.. cherishing all my best friends and brothers.. but in the end also got hurt by them and lost them..

sighz.. aniway im not trying to pick a fight with u again over this matter.. i just wana explain about it again..

aniway almost 9am already im going to prepare and go for school already.. parents keep nagging me go eat while im blogging.. fcking irritating tmd!.. haiz kk i go eat and prepare later on after school then i see if i got anymore to add on in this entry..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
7:51 AM

hmms.. two day passed.. hais aniway im kinda shocked that i just resume blogging after so many months and some of my friends already knew about my entries.. like xiaofeng, koni and meimei whom im not really sure who she is..

well my dar also knew but well i dont count her in becos i hint her about my blog haha so its not counted.. i told her i was writting entry tat day so she guessed it out.. else i dont think she would know that i updated my blog lolx.. but im really surprise that the others knew about it cos i nv inform anyone about it.. aniway thanks for spending time to read my boring blog again when u all can choose to forget about my blog.. thanks for being concern about my life eventhough i haven been contacting you all.. :(

sighs.. well surprisingly after reading my blog.. dar seems to be kinda better since sunday's 14/05/06 night.. but such sudden changes can be really scary.. but well i try to look on the bright side that shes really changing for the better and not something else which i dont know.. she said that the whole entries is like shooting and blaming her.. but are they facts or not i guess we both know it in our hearts.. aniway we did chat over the night about our problems and dar as usual ask me to write testimonials for her.. then i wrote.. but she as usual wrote it without much content haha!.. although she wrote finish faster then me and i lost the bet on the last to finish is bai chi.. but i feel that my testimonials are more power then hers lols!.. but well all the things i said in the testimonials are true.. duno if its the same for her..

aniway talk about yesturday.. monday 15/5/06.. i went to sch in the morning 10 - 12pm.. just a short 2hrs practical day.. after that supposingly to go find dar and go out together to toshiba's company to pay for the repair cost of my laptop.. which spoiled quite some time ago.. aniway long story about my laptop.. so i shall not say it now.. but well i tot she would still be sleeping.. but i saw her calls after class and called her back.. she sounded quite tired so i tot she still at home.. but unexpectedly she told me she was at my house there.. i was quite shocked.. but was in a lost too.. cos i wanted to go her house and find her actually.. gosh lol.. but i wasnt going home so i told her to come sch and meet me.. so she walk over and well when i saw her.. i was expecting she would be happy or so like how she sounded on the phone.. but wow she was putting up a kinda unhappy face when i saw her walking towards me.. not something i expected but nevermind.. aniway after tat we went to eat lunch and took cab down to toshiba's company.. when we got there wow the que was so long.. gawd.. waited so long and so uncomfortable cos i was having a bad flu since morning.. aniway later on saw the service man from my school so i ask him about my payment and somehow he manage to get a lady to settle my payment without having to wait for the dam que..

after tat i knew that if we go home then dar confirm not going to be happy.. afterall she came such a long way down.. cant possibly ask her go home or wat.. so i ask her to suggest some place to go.. and she suggest to shop at plaza sing.. so i agreed and we got a cab down there.. well we walked the whole place and seen many stuffs.. but i didnt comment much cos i was feeling so sick and also partly im sure wat i suggest shes not going to like.. so i just accompanied her.. after walking thruout ps we went down and continue to window shop till taka.. along the way my flu seem to ate up my lunch and i was starving.. but manage to grab some drinks and snacks along the way.. so was still able to move.. then at taka.. dar was so pissed off.. suddenly one lor.. i was so puzzled.. then i ask her wat happen.. she keep claiming then nothing happened.. but on her face shes showing the "im pissed off" face.. so after further questioning she tell me cos she want a white bag.. goshx.. haiz.. i also ignts.. even if i want to buy for her i also dont know wat to buy.. becos shes really very choosy and not to mention that watever i suggest never met her liking before.. sighs.. shes really so weird.. want to shop de also her then in the end cant find the bag she like or no money buy then come show attitude ler.. goshx :x.. not i make her angry de but also cant help it.. such moves from her sometimes will piss me off too.. becos its not my fault why u want to give me face?.. but well that day i try to accept it.. did my part to try and cheer her out of it but didnt seem to work that well i guess..

after that she came my house and we took a rest as my flu is still kinda bad.. until 7pm when we went to watch tv.. and had our dinner at 8pm.. after that slack awhile and she wanted to play maple so we played till 2am or so i think.. not sure cos i was very tired and didnt notice the time.. after tat we went to sleep..

well then i got up at around near 10am.. and well got myself refreshed while dar was still sleeping.. after that i helped dar to iron her shirt as she still need to wear it.. well first time i help a girl to iron shirt.. =x and well when i was about to finish ironing.. dar appeared and i was surprised lol.. cos i tot shes gona sleep more.. she was surprised that i iron her shirt haha.. yea cos the shirt was so messy and earlier she was complaining about it.. so well of cos i have to help her out.. and also cant let her wear such a messed up shirt out also mah.. although shes not going anywhere later..

so well after we had our breakfast+lunch at home we went off at around 1pm.. cos my class starts at 1pm.. so we parted as i went for sch and dar went home.. sighs..

and well wat a tiring day in school.. totally worn out.. haiz.. stay in school till almost 7pm then i went home.. lucky i still manage to be home to watch lotus lantern.. lolx.. well after the show i went to find the website for downloading the "Ragnarok the Animation" anime.. as dar said she want the website to download it.. and well i lost the website when my pc broke down.. so after i found it i called her.. well at first she sounded quite alright.. but later on again she gives me the kind of sian sian feeling.. haiz.. later on she ask me if i really stay in school till so late cos she called me earlier at around 6+pm but i didnt answer her call.. the moment she ask me this i feel kinda disappointed and makes me feel she dont even trust me.. u know how guys will feel when girls question about this kind of things.. wat else could it mean?.. and well she said cos i also isnt those kinda hard working type.. made me feel so pathetic.. i know im not doing well in anything but u also dont have to say tat.. u never support me yet u made me feel so worthless and shitty.. nvm.. later on she said she sound sian becos shes watching tv and talking to me.. then i think she hear wrongly and think i said she half hearted then i also dont know why she bring up that i love her half hearted last time.. wtf is this suppose to mean..

yeah recently im trying to forget all the bad incident that happen and is trying to put my whole heart to love her again.. and yes feelings is comin back.. but wat she said is really a sensitive remark.. made me feel kinda upset.. dar u shd be able to feel tat im trying to love u again from my actions.. but like i said how far it would go depend on u already.. if u dun wan history to repeat please take note of all the points we talked about.. and especially points that you promised to change..

sighs nvm.. i better stop blogging for now.. tired.. and my dad is saying me again.. sian.. i also never use much computer ler nowadays.. since my guild Elites has retired.. sighs.. but they still nag at me.. ask me dont play so much.. and want me to sleep early and study hard.. hais.. even if i change they also wont notice it.. just like when my pc and laptop spoiled.. they took so long to discover it.. sighs aniway yea i shd rest cos tomorrow my sch is from 9am-5pm .. sighz... and i didnt have enuff rest today.. so k bahs i better go sleep.. dont wana sleep in class haiz..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:09 PM

hais... pms is getting so serious.. no one can help me.. not even my gf.. actually i dont expect anyone to help.. i just hope everyone can be understanding and dont add on to my mood swing and stress.. but simple understanding like this not many can do it..

now in my life.. it seems like theres only one person im contacting.. yea its her.. but well.. for some reason i just cant get along well with her.. its not that im demanding or being unreasonable.. but to me shes the one that always making me upset.. she dont seem to realise about it.. even when i told her about them she will still repeat them.. i really dont know how..

hais.. so vexed.. why my gf dont even understand me.. and she expect me to understand her and sastify her in this relationship.. she think that shes the only one that suffering and like im the bad guy doing all the harm but did she reflect on herself? seriously to me i dont feel that im being a total asshole in this relationship.. i dont take relationship as a toy and im really serious in it.. im the kind of person that will treat opposite the way they treat me.. yes sometimes i will mia from even my best friends or so.. and yea maybe they dont deserve that kinda treatment.. but when im moodless i will just cut off myself from the rest.. and tend to isolate myself.. dont ask why becos these are one of the unexplainable things in life.. perhaps theres a reason in psychology terms..

sighx.. after the quarrel with my gf yesturday she admit its her fault and say sorry etc to me.. but why she always will repeat her mistakes over and over again.. why?? shes making me miserable sometimes.. why cant she listen to me.. sighs.. like just now in maple.. just becos of a buddy chat she can force me to remove those pple in my list.. she knew i wont be able to do so.. yet she force me to do it.. its really a pain u know.. yes shes my gf i do respect wat she say but my character is not able to do it.. im often trap between her and myself.. its really torturing.. if you love someone is this the way you treat them?.. sighs.. well different pple has different way of loving.. but at least on my side.. i will never force her to do anything she dont want.. i will respect and support her decision..

so wats the problem between her and me?.. its not becos of the mood swings thats causing all these nonsense but shes not loving/caring/understanding enough.. she wans me to give in to her and be like before.. but cant she do her part well first?.. else its really not easy on my side.. i sometimes dont feel the assurance of her love.. yea probably her love is dead.. and she no longer love me.. then whats going on now why do she still has to tell me she love me and such?.. if she really love me then i really expect her to show me she do.. now that i am trying to remove the shadow in my heart and love her like before.. but is she doing her part of amending her mistake to improve on our relationship?.. shes always saying that im not the same yc either.. well how can i be the same yc she knew after going thru all the hurts she had given me before.. can i pretend that nothing had happened before.. that she chose eric and later on she regret and come back?.. imagine this happen to u and please tell me u can pretend that nothing happen.. if u can do the same then let me know.. but right now im already trying to forget all the past.. so let not talk about those.. the current problems isnt about other guys.. well its how u're treating me.. can u tell me that u've been understanding/reasonable/caring/loving towards me?.. please think and tell me u've shown me ur love and tell me that im the one thats making all these unhappiness..

im so lost.. so messed up and shattered.. bit and pieces of me floating around.. wat shd i do.. sighz.. am i so hard to understand or is she not trying hard enough.. am i being unreasonable and not understanding in this relationship?.. please reflect on yourself.. sighs.. she always give me false hope sometimes and i really hate it.. meaning saying something and never do it.. and she really give me that kind of feeling.. just like she say she love me.. but wat exactly did she do to love me.. please think deeply.. dont look on the outer shell.. wat am i to her?.. really someone that she cant live without?.. or wat?..

if you really love someone.. would u pick a quarrel with him/her when shes not feeling emotionally well?.. right now im so depressed.. but why i feel like shes not giving a shit about me.. oh well she did tell me virtually dont be upset etc.. but after that message.. it seems like she totally forgotten about her bf is emotional.. and she wont even bother to care much nor understand.. and still pick on things and such..

the only time i can feel her love and care is when she took care of me.. tats the only time she really showed me.. actions prove louder then words.. and thats the reason why my feelings for her regained.. but after i almost recovered.. she changed again.. sighs.. why cant she be that caring loving girl everyday.. and not someone that always oppose me and stuffs..

sighz.. is this the way she treat all her bf?.. i dont think so.. becos last time the way she treat eric was much sweeter.. but yea tat time eric was rather restrictive on her and such.. but i didnt.. and now how she treat me?.. i dont feel loved and im sure she wont be able to feel much of my love either becos she didnt even show me..

yes im a emotional freak and its hard to cheer me up maybe.. but if u're my gf.. u shd at least understand and leave me alone when needed.. and not keep pressing hard on me.. its fine if u never show me concern but the least i would expect is stop picking quarrel with me at such moments when im needing attention and care not adding on to my emotions..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:35 PM

sighs.. wow.. its already may.. its amazing how time flies.. and i've known selene for about half a year.. so many things had happened in my life.. mostly is between me and her.. and i haven been blogging for months.. sighs.. cos sometimes really wonder wats the point of me writting them out here..

isit lazy or is it the feeling of hopeless.. or something else.. haiz.. aniway i dun wana disclose some of my life issues.. cos almost all were bad.. aniway the last big post was when i given up on selene.. yea.. but well after tat alot alot of things happened.. which i nv wrote.. so i guess if someone is reading my blog they wont gona know what happened.. becos its like a book with part of its pages torn out.. sigh.. aniway if i can still recall i will update on those missing pages when i got extra time..

well yesturday i had a quarrel with dar again.. partly due to my depression making me irritated easily.. but well its all becos of wat she wrote in her blog.. she got all pissed off becos i nv logout from maple.. i wanted to accompany her play and level but i was darn tired due to whole week of campus stress and insufficient rest.. i played with her until about 1+am then i was really struggling to keep myself awake.. yea i should go sleep.. but i wanted to level up also.. so i tried to hang on.. but well i couldnt stand it in the end and try to get a nap with my alarm set for activation in 15mins.. and i parked my character on a rope in the map which is almost 100% safe spot to me.. becos i afked there before and nv got attacked by any mobs.. but oh well who knows i went into a deep sleep without knowing and when i got up its 6am.. wtf.. so i went to check my computer.. seeing that my maple got disconnected from the server maybe due to lag or watever.. so i didnt bother and just quit the game and shut the pc.. and went to bed again.. before i went back to sleep i saw all the miss-calls and sms from dar.. all i can say is those sms didnt had very nice contents to me..

when i wokeup again at around near noon.. i went to check her blog and was not very pleased with wat she wrote.. she said she was dam pissed off at me for not quitting my character when i go sleep.. at that moment i was very unhappy becos 1st) i didnt wanted to sleep 2nd) even if i really went to sleep why cant i park in there.. and many other question shot me and i really felt shes so unreasonable.. why she got to get pissed off at me and write those things in her blog and also include screenshots somemore.. all becos i never log out of game?.. so i smsed her about it and we quarrelled.. over this crap.. she then told me cos shes afraid i will get killed.. but if she really care she also shdnt show this kinda attitude and anger.. how can u let the opposite feel that u're caring for him/her when u're saying u're very angry etc.. its just like our parents.. keep scolding/screaming at us.. yea its all becos they care.. but in the end.. on our side do we accept this kind of care?.. no we dont.. we find it a irritant instead right?.. its the same logic.. care can be shown in many ways.. but deffinitely not through scolding or being angry..

aniway after that i got totally no mood.. but well later on she called me and i answered.. she sounded like nothing happened.. so fine i also just pretend that nothing happened.. and she ask about going out with her.. well sighs actually dont want to go anywhere.. becos my depression is back and also cos we just had a quarrel only.. making me totally moodless, restless, moody and other mixed emotions.. but well i guess dar didnt understand.. and she really want to go out.. cos she say shes been slacking at home for so long.. haiz.. so well in the end i also went down..

starting was alright.. but well whenever it come to clothes.. she will always make me feel kinda unhappy.. becos watever i say nice.. she will say "eeeee" zzzzz.. watever i feel nice she will say suck and dont even wana touch/try it.. makes me feel totally retarded.. even if im her friend only then she keep saying "eeee" or other bad remarks on all the things i suggest i will also get fustrated lor.. somemore most of the time is she asking me to suggest de.. and not to mention im her boy friend.. how would i feel??.. next time im not going to suggest anymore becos this happens everytime.. and it sucks sometimes to see ur suggestion being turn down in such a way.. i mean she dont even try it on to see nice anot.. she just freak out at it immediately.. and most of the time she dont even tell me why she dont like it.. sighs.. nevermind..

aniway after tat i was pretty moodless.. becos my depression is still in me.. and such thing can just make me feel more moody/irritated.. sighs aniway went to KFC but i was having no appetitide then dar dont want to eat! zz make me angry.. cos i say i dun feel like eating then she dun want.. haix.. partly is cos KFC so dirty lor inside.. hais so in the end we walk till the food court.. then she go order her food.. i wait.. then somehow she manage to make me cheer up.. so my appetitide came back.. so i ate with her..

after tat i went to get a surprise for her.. which i've never done before to any girl in my life.. told her i had stomachach then i pretend to go toilet.. but went to get something for her.. but she made me damm stressed cos i ask her to sit in the food court finish her food first and wait for me.. but she went walking around!!.. gawd.. i almost tot this surprise gona get wreaked out by her again like valentine day.. but well lucky in the end the surprise was still alright.. not as good as i planned it would be cos she nv listen to me ><.. tats something i dont like abt her.. she always always dont listen to me!!.. ask her do something she always want to do opposite wat i want her to do.. grrr.. but nevermind.. this surprise was so rush for me lor even writting the card also write incomplete only wrote afew sentence.. bahss.. stress until i going mad.. tot she gona discover it.. sighs aniway hope she like wat i buy bahs..

after tat we went for movie.. watched "voice" hmm not really that great.. kinda complicated show.. after tat she went to mac to eat her ice cream.. and i also went home after sending her in the mrt station.. had to go home early cos sis fren comin to fix my pc cooling fan.. and wanted to ask him some informations regarding my pc.. sighs.. well but in the end my dar disappoint me.. she went to friend house.. till so late.. sighs.. im not angry with her going their house but just becos actually before that she wanted to come my hse.. and i also feel like letting her come.. but i tot she could only stay till like 4am again.. then like so rush or unbear again.. but i found out that she went home in the morning.. sighs.. nvm..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:30 PM