just finished bathin..

wahss.. so long nv chiong mu.. really out of stamina!.. think i reallly become fat and lazy lerhs hahaha! dance abit hor i tired lers.. nt like last time can dance and dance yet not feeling any bit of tiredness..

this is the second last week before they close! sobb... next week im going to club there thursday, friday and saturday!! before theres no more chances left.. Sobb..

below's afew of the photos taken using my hp..


Xiaofeng and Yc lols


Kangwei, Yc, Canto, Terry and Jasper

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:41 AM

hmm..

read sheena's blog.. which was hidden for me all these while.. and now shes showing it to me again.. hm but when i go thru the contents.. all i can say is i dont feel good.. makes me wonder why she wana let me see all those stuffs..

i think certain stuffs is better off telling me striaght in a nice manner.. i will feel better and infact i wont even be mad or upset.. i will even appreciate.. its much better then making me feel as if people around enjoy being with me but actually they dont and in their heart they are cursing me or watever...

now i understand and i also seen through my own mistakes.. i shdnt be blogging out craps here all the time.. i shd face it and fight it.... now im starting to feel like a childish kid blogging daily feelings.. wats these for?.. let people know? why dont i just hang out and tell them?.. dont know how? try it then.. i shd face it.. be a meanie is better then being a weakling..

aniway its true that i did considered patching up with her and that was when i actually said alot of mushy stuffs etc.. but i guess something screwed up somewhere in between.. stuffs that i shdnt be mentioning out here.. but i've told benjamin and zhenning before bout wats disturbing me..

but its also after i read her blog.. i wondered.. so all the while they just look at me as a depressed aimless soul huh?.. like watching a miserable ant growing.. makes me feel so pathetic and useless when i read how im being look upon as..

so all the while wat are they looking at me as?.. maybe i was being considered as an outkast without realizing it myself.. and i still thought im something to everyone as a friend or watever..

guys i think i'll need to confirm this issue with some of u all.. talk it out before i misunderstand any..

aniway i admit my life is screwed up.. but it not as if im not doing anything about it.. i seriously hate it when people look upon me in a way i dont want it to be..

mixed thoughts and feelings.......

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:21 AM

omgosh man..

i got pwned.. saw my supervisor.. and she said.. she tot my vpp starts on the 26th.. faints!.. cause she say the BME students start only on the 26th..

bahh but me is ECE student mah.. no wonder i nv see her yesterday... gosh..

aniway now waiting in the room while she finish up her project/attachment briefing to the year 2 BME students..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:07 AM

hmm..

just finish watching naruto with sis.. hahaha interesting they're back on the main storyline already after 220! no more stupid fillers..

well well.. today nothing happened in school.. didnt even saw my supervisor.. so well after attending the VPP briefing at 10am.. i just slacked till around 1+pm.. then i went home since my friend wana go home as well..

and ah my sim card was deactivated in the morning cause it doesnt support 3G functions.. so well had to change to the 3G sim card they provided but they need time to activate it so well i was told before hand to continue using my sim card till the phone shows "inactive sim card"..

after that in the noon i went to BBDC.. haha sadly today no one msg me any good luck messages.. guess everyone forgotten that i'm sitting for my Basic Theory Test today? hahahas.. its ok..

aniway guess wat? i passed the test with flying colours man.. so glad that all the hard work didnt gone to waste.. now i know why all the guys say that BTT is the easiest.. after going through it personally i have to admit that the questions were much easier then wat i expected.. or was i lucky? cause it just happens that i know the answer for all the questions..

hehe so glad that i cleared it on first attempt! =D.. thats wat i always wanted.. finishing it on first try.. now lets aim for the same result for my final theory test =).. but FTT is deffinitely going to be slightly more complicated..

aniway thats all for now..

gona rest! tmr i guess supervisor will be looking for me to brief me about my project since she wasnt there today..

nites~

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:04 PM

moo..

finally finish showering.. so tired.. like i was telling the guys earlier.. im so tired lately.. no matter how much i slept i would still wake up feeling tired.. and benjamin was saying maybe my room's lack of oxygen.. guess he's right.. cause recently i wakeup feeling kinda chest tight... and yea the feeling of tired is different... dont know how to explain.. but i got a feeling that maybe theres something wrong with my room's ventilation..

guess i'll check the air con etc.. and maybe purchase a air purifier or something that can improve the ventilation..

sighs.. aniway today i was so tired that i slept till around noon.. some relatives came and i actually slept through it even with all the noise from chatting and laughing.. eek kinda bad man.. but im seriously feeling dead tired till i can hardly get myself to move..

then well in the late noon i went to the starhub shop at IMM with dad and sis.. got my new phone finally! really glad but the phone interface is pretty different from nokia.. so well i guess i need sometime to get use to it..

and well sis suddenly say wana upgrade the cable speed.. im pretty shock actually.. aniway she did.. so we upgraded to maxonline premium.. with speed up to 12,000Kbps.. $79.80/mth.. gosh..

and well dad suddenly said he want to apply for cable tv.. so we got it as well.. gosh im really shocked... suddenly so many stuff.. but aniway i guess the upgrade with connection would be nice since we're sharing network among 2 pc and 1 laptop.. now im just curious how much differences would the internet speed be..

aniway after spending about 2hrs+ at the shop.. we finally got everything settled.. mobile, cable tv and maxonline.. went home and gosh forgot to tell mum not to cook my part so well couldnt join the rest for dinner in town..

so well joined them later on at eski bar @ holland v around 9++pm.. zhiheng, zhenning, benson, benjamin, psp, wei xiang, yukuang and sheena was there.. we chat abit.. and left home early at ard 11+pm.. cause some of the guys booking in to camp in the morning and well i also have to go school at 8am..

zhiheng drove benjamin, wei xiang, yukuang and me home while psp drove zhenning, benson and sheena home.. lol was fun as they both race along the road from holland v till clementi.. mercedes vs audi lol.. wish that one day i can drive like them too!

alright ima stop here and go sleep.. tmr is a long day.. better get more sleep..

byes..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
2:20 AM

..........................................

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:00 AM

*sighs*

2 mins away from 6am! and here i am sitting infront of my pc now, writting down my thoughts again with a body smelling nice and fresh from the shower..

earlier on went to meet up with zhenning and benjamin at liquid kitchen around 10+ - 11pm.. and we're just talking crap as usual with a bottle of beer each.. sighs.. then zhenning tell us about taihwa.. my beloved sister haha.. yeah but well after getting scolded by her then i realised that i've neglected her all these while as well.. hais.. and shes going back aust on tuesday.. so well decided to go down mos to find her.. since peggy, zhiheng and her is going down...

went to benjamin house as he need to get his car followed by my house as i get changed into a proper clubbing attire as i was wearing t-shirt, shorts and slippers..

reach mos at around 1:40+am.. well the crowd wasnt great i would say.. overall it wasnt a great night.. but zhenning, benjamin and myself tried our best to enjoy ourselves.. its also the first time i've danced and stayed so long in the RnB (Smoove) section.. but the crowd there kinda irritated me.. especially the guys there.. i just get turned off somehow as i see guys frenching/hugging girls while dancing.. and trust me some of them wasnt good looking at all and it made me feel like shit.. asking myself how come they can enjoy themselves with girls while im having so much difficulties on it..

its not the first time i've seen all these in clubbing.. but why now im getting irritated by it? and the feeling that i get through clubbing is totally different from what i used to feel.. thats the question.. theres more to it then just being irritated.. think my mind is rejecting something.. therefore resulting in feeling irritated..

that made me pondered and i did some self reflection together with all the comments and stuffs i've heard through the whole night.. thats when i let out a big sigh and realised that onces again i've lost myself.. i guess i've changed these months.. into someone totally different from wat i used to be.. no more clubbing and im feeling that im starting to become more of a serious introvert..

and i dont know why i'm kinda avoiding girls lately.. even if i never avoid them i feel that i've lost all topic to talk with them.. make it seems like i've got nothing to talk about with girls.. and i get extremely irritated if certain girls try to get in too much into my life, trying to understand me in a wrong way or misjudging me..

maybe i've really given up on girls after the last hurt? or im starting to reject them physically?.. though at times yes i still talk about girls with my friends and such.. but when the real thing come on doing it (knowing girls etc).. im totally NOT interested.. maybe my heart is really dead?.. or im just lazy?.. or i've become gay without knowing?.. no joke.. perhaps cause all these months.. the only people thats been with me and supported me the right way were all my guys buddies.. but i feel that im a messed up shit right now..

am i waiting for something to happen or wat? just feeling like im hanging in nowhere.. totally living dead and couldnt be bothered with much matters.. accepting whatever comes to me and not trying to fight for any single bit of hope.. thats why i dont ask people out i dont call people etc.. but worst of all im avoiding everything..

think im become too much of a realistic guy now.. therefore everything just turn negative towards me.. i guess some of my friend's right about me being too negative.. maybe i've turn into a serious negative person lately without being aware of it..

sigh..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:58 AM

woah.. first day of cny.. and im worn out already.. /swt..

been visiting from morning till around evening.. after that i got home i was so tired i fell asleep on my bed for awhile..

sighs.. well as usual.. topics of cny.. about my life and such.. even asked about my gf whom they saw last year.. a pretty sensitive topic.. but hais my cousins keep asking so well just put up a smile and tell them im single already.. they asked why etc.. but i nv really say much..

my ex-gf was the only one whom had really met my cousins etc.. cause i thought our relationship was stable enough.. meaning shes going to be the girl im spending the rest of my life with.. but well looks like i thought too far that time.. nothing is stable in this world.. and i've stop believing in wat i used to believe..

i make sure that the next girl that im going to show my relatives will only be the girl whom im sure im going to marry and truly loves me.. to avoid all these questioning and embarrassment..

aniway i dont think it'll be any time soon.. cause i just dont feel like devoting into a relationship right now.. although sometimes i still fall into it easily.. especially when a girl treat me the RIGHT way.. and thats also the only way the girl can open my heart again.. so till this girl with the RIGHT key enters my life i wont get into any other relationship..

but haha.. life is weird the girl with the right key will not come by easily.. even when they do.. they might not want to open this door or this door doesnt suit them.. i know theres some girl around me that have this key.. they hold the freedom of choosing whether or not to open.. but i guess i know the answer already..

aniway a full stop here.. before the content get emo again /swt.. haha! come on its cny! i shd enjoy myself!! =) be it slacking or watever.. i shd really enjoy the day..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:29 PM

finally sometime to rest.. today spent alot of hours on last few part of house cleaning.. now my hands feel so dry and rough due to all the mopping and long hours of soaking in detergent..

sighs gona go rest.. tmr is the start of standard yearly chinese new year visiting and stuffs.. :s hais.. dun really enjoy it..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
10:34 PM

just came home not long..

today i met xiaofeng and her boy friend at queensway and i also met meow at westmall after the movie ghost rider..

so qiao lols..

aniway today was shopping day like we planned.. but sadly didnt manage to get all my stuffs becos of reunion dinner!.. at around late evening.. got miss calls from home then when i call back.. i got owned by dad.. saying theres reunion dinner etc.. i totally wasnt aware of it.. as i thought it was on the next day.. so well i got no choice..

left half way through and rush home for renuion dinner.. sighs.. while the guys continued their shopping..

then after my reunion dinner then i meet up with the guys again at westmall for our movie...

basically thats all for the day..

yups just a brief summary of the day not much details included cause i'm tired now.. lol..

nightss!..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:23 AM

bahh the day is over! lols.. and well didnt manage to go MU today.. aniway wasnt all up for full clubbing mood either.. was kind of tired with all the house cleaning in the afternoon.. and the guys would never want to go either lol..

sighs and well still got more to clean up! bored.. well if i dont feel like sleeping yet after this.. guess i might go continue packing and such.. cause i got no time to do tomorrow due to last min new year shopping for new clothes! bahhs...

tmr shopping spree's going to be crazy!.. 3 venue set and planned among 5 guys.. haha lets see how it'll work out yeap.. hopefully everything goes well and we get everything that we wanted..

feel so bored.. striaght after cny is my VPP.. irritating.. wonder whats my new FYP project going to be.. sighs..

aniway talk about earlier on.. meet up with benjamin and wei xiang at around 8pm.. then we went to bukit panjang plaza for dinner.. waited for benson and zhenning there as well.. had our dinner at Sakura.. well the food wasnt so tasty i would say.. alittle disappointed cause i thought it would be better..

after that we chilled at zhenning condo by the pool side and talk for a couple of hours.. and well the night ended early cause they all have to go for some running in camp in the morning.. so no choice we have to set for home..

okies just a short post..
ending here..



Best mhss guys family photo ever.. simply love it..
taken on 01.01.2007..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:39 AM

hmmm feeling alittle high now man.. cos of the beer earlier on in the night with benjamin.. nothing much happened today.. went to school for my INT exam in the morning.. well the paper wasnt easy.. cause like i mentioned earlier.. i didnt study much..

aniway after that went for my driving theory in the noon.. and also my first practical lesson!.. wow.. serious man driving a manual car is tough shit.. requires lots of coordination.. im shocked man.. first practical im driving round in the circuit already.. really stunning and at the same time scary due to lack of experiences.. i was like "holy mama i better not crash this car lol"..

learnt about clutch, changing gears, accelerate, braking, bitting point, blind spot, controls of the car etc.. a little too much to absorb for the first practical lesson i thought...

i didnt know that controlling the acceleration is so tough! lol u must press it just nice.. not too much or too little.. thats really a hard one.. and im surprised that the honda civic in the BBDC are installed with V-Tec engines! holy mama.. u can hear the engine roars when u step the accelerator too hard..

but well my instructor is pretty fine.. at least he wont scold me when i do wrongly.. quite a understanding instructor.. and pretty friendly too.. =)

after all the training i got home and well met benjamin for dinner.. went to holland V and wah it was so packed with people till we walk around for quite sometime before we finally dine in at coffee club.. had some chat and looked at some hot babes.. haha! life of the singles man..

though we're alittle disturbed by all the couples around us but we still enjoyed ourselves in any way we could.. also planned some events for the weekend..

after that we went back to our house area and thats where we got some beer and chilled.. talk about lots of stuffs.. mostly about our life experiences.. it was pretty funny.. how we wish the rest of the guys was there too.. then maybe it would be even more fun then it was..

aniway talking about myself.. hmm hey peeps dont worry about me man.. im sensible enough to know whats best for myself.. though at times i will need space for myself but i'll be fine.. whatever shit crap i blog here is a way to relief myself.. i'll be fine after sometime.. those who know me will know my character.. i wont be depress until the state of dying lah so dont worry! haha.. its a sin to end your life just like that..

aniway tomorrow MU! been so long since i danced.. and since now i got a bit of spare time from my load of stress i should enjoy myself.. shopping and doing things i cant do previously..

and thanks benjamin for helping me settle my stupid NS pre-enlistment stuffs online.. finally booked my medical check up date..

alright ima go get some rest already..

takecare peeps!

onces again.. dont worry about me.. im fine!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:53 AM

wow..

its already valentine day.. haha guess some couple should be having their loving and romantic moments now? interesting.. but well deffinitely a stressful day for certain guys/girls too.. thinking hard on how to make today a memorable one..

Happy Valentine day to all my friends..
To those whom's attached hope you guys and your loved ones will share eternal love and happiness..

but well theres also people like me that will be living through valentine day as just another normal day.. haha.. nothing special.. think on the good side we dont have to vex about what presents to get.. where to dine at.. what surprises to plan for etc.. haha!.. mostly the worst nightmare for guys especially if their girl friends/dates are those whom are demanding and hard to sastify..

BUT on the other hand.. theres also big losers of the world like "smirk" in my tagboard.. who is one of those lamers who got nothing to do except running through blogs giving retarded comments on tagboards making themselves look like pathetic brats..

A BIG WELCOME TO ONE OF THESE INFAMOUS LOSERS OF THE WORLD..

WELCOME SMIRK..

look at what he said..

13 Feb 07, 23:38
smirk: your engrish damn sucks arhx. dont act cheem.

hahahaa awsome spending the last 22mins before valentine day giving me language lessons.. hahaha but sadly.. simply judging from the 45 letters (including spaces and full stop) your not even qualified to be my first grade language teacher..

what makes you think im trying to act "chim" when the fact was im not even using really "chim" grammers/vocabs.. please lah go read those real "chim" blogs then come confront me about my language.. that will be greatly appreciated haha.. but anyway i cant blame you lah cause your language and mine is different mah haha.. mine is "English" while yours is "Engrish".. haha free can teach me some of your language ok? lol.. hmm never mind on second thoughts i guess no thanks lol.. keep it to yourself..

and please use your real name or initials.. cause SMIRK sound really retarded.. you might as well be Smiggle of Lord of the Rings cause he's the most retarded 'human' i've seen but yet he's not so brainless.. i just cant stand retarded cowards like you who like to mess around behind your pathetic computer monitor and using a random nick going around online creating trouble.. you enjoy doing this so much huh? does it sexually arouse you? haha that would be so sad.. i pity you sadistic dudes.. gaining pleasure out of victim's anger/sorrows/pain..

if your someone i know and you're doing this then please lah get a life.. tell me striaght in the face if you're not happy.. if you're not even my friend then you should save your nice 'compliment' for yourself.. cause you need it much more then me..

well i dont know how you sneak into my blog as it's a private blog.. probably through my friend's link huh? lol.. pathetic.. or you manage to search my blog somehow.. you sure got your interesting way of finding my blog huh.. im 'impressed' hahaha..

you know what.. if the game Battle Royale really exist in japan.. i will be the first to vote you for it.. and make sure you get ass kicked in it.. *laughing*

so well.. am i getting you on your nerves already? if i am then oh well im sorry my 'dear' hahaha.. cause i dont even intend to do so and you're already getting on your nerves? lol!!

and hmm dont even think of countering back at me with whatever nasty crap of yours that you can think of.. it's just gona give me more evidence to prove your behaviour to the police if i want to report you for online harassment.. and trust me going to the police station to lodge a report is a simple job.. and its the right of every citizen.. thats part of the reason why we pay taxes man..

if you not happy.. want to find me out in real life.. fine.. go ahead.. but make sure you let me take a picture of you haha so i can make sure you go to jail and eat your free 'happy' meals..

anyway you're on the losing end here no matter what you do.. i can simply ban your IP address through the tagboard.. and if you're so hardworking to go around using different host its fine with me.. but trust me dont push me to my limits.. because my life is shit enough and i wont hesitate if i have to drag you to h*** with me..

enjoy messing around..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:19 AM

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:04 PM

sighs...

first paper.. computer system architecture is over.. and confirmed result is "F" the only reason i went for the paper is cause i dun wan to be absent for it and get into trouble.. so i went and wrote rubbish thru out.. 2hr paper i finished it in like 40mins..

why? becos i dont even got the mood to revise for it before the paper.. just couldnt bring myself down to study and concentrate.. seem to lose myself totally already.. on the verge of giving up everything..

but i know i cant.. and the remaining energy, wishes and responsibilities is wat kept me moving day to day.. else i think i will just lay still on my bed every morning without any strength to move.. i know one thing for sure.. i cant accept anymore impact in my life till i recover.. and well how long i need to recover? this is a question that i have no answer to.. aniway all i know is if i encounter another great impact in life.. im going to collapse deeply.. and this time it might be a one way fall....

god.. bless me on recovering soon.. and please dont give me anymore shitty days during my recovering period..

aniway the whole family is depressed over blackie's death.. dont have much mood and appetitide..

sighs.. now the sky looks like its gona rain.. very dark.. after countless days of hot weathers the weather finally starting to change after blackie passed away.. infact when blackie died it started to drizzle but only for a short period.. isit the tears from heaven?..

sighs im thinking too much..

aniway the next paper is on Weds 14th Feb.. yeah valentine day huh?.. haha.. it wont mean much for me.. cos im not attached.. and i dun think i will enjoy finding a date just to accompany me out on that night.. cos the fact is we're not even real lovers...

so well to plan up for the day.. i've called BBDC just now and they told me yeah i can take my practicals without passing BTT and having PDL.. but only the first few lessons.. so well since i can take them i've decided to go for it.. so i've booked 2 theory lesson and 1 practical lesson for the whole noon.. so well when i finished my exam at 11am i will go striaght down to BBDC from 1:55pm till 5:25pm... and well at night i guess i prolly rest at home and plan my weekend for new year shopping etc.. or unless benjamin and benson wana meet me..

and well thursday i will be going CMPB for my NS medical check up.. haha.. sians.. hated check ups...

and well going to change my phone.. Sony Ericson k800i i guess.. since its recommended by most people and even my sister whom had been using it soon after the phone was realeased in the phone market.. and until now she still haven really complain about the phone.. so i trust her..

actually i wanted to be a loyal Nokia supporter.. but too bad i heard too much shit about their N' series phones which i actually wanted to get.. so well this time round Nokia dont give me a valid reason to continue supporting them till they come out better models with stabled functions..

aniway when i go to get my new phone at starhub center ima get my cable modem changed as well.. been so many years.. this modem was given when maxonline was still under SCV.. u can imagine how long already.. and lately the internet isnt very stable etc.. so i was thinking maybe it could be the modem's fault.. so well guess i'll bring it down to starhub as well when im going to get my phone changed..

i'll stop here..
takecare..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
4:35 PM

The above pictures were taken on Sunday 08.01.2006 between 8:40am to 8:50am..

after having a horrible hurting night on saturday 07.01.2006.. i went back home and blackie was wagging his tail welcomin me home.. at tat moment it felt really sweet.. and cheered me up.. its a feeling that couldnt be described.. thats why i couldnt resist to hug it and take some pictures to remember..

but sadly that was the last time i took it with my dog and it was still much active at that time despite of his age.. sighs...

know why im suddenly talking about blackie?.. becos it's dead!!!.. =(..

in the noon ard 1:30pm.. dad need to go for checkup again so he asked sis to fetch him there.. and i followed along as sis asked me to.. and when we set off.. i got no idea how the dog went out.. we all didnt noticed.. and well i was half asleep still.. but seriously we didnt even saw blackie comin out.. but well that must be the time when it came out.. cos other then that the gate was never opened.. my mum was at home packing stuffs so she didnt even came out or so.. aniway when we went home at around 4+pm.. we saw a dog laying on the road before the left turn into my house lane..

at that moment the tot of maybe blackie flashed across my mind.. but i didnt assume it was cos i still tot that the dog was at home.. and even my dad also say wah which dog is laying in the middle of the road with the hot sun.. but after a second thought my dad said.. its blackie! and thats when wat i hope wasnt true came true...

we drove back home first and indeed.. blackie wasnt at home....... told mum and she dont even noe cos she said she was busy in the house... at this moment i felt so messed up.. couldnt accept the truth.. but well we cant leave it there thats for sure.. so dad grabbed those big black plastic bags.. dad ask us to drive there but sis and i were stunned.. we still couldnt accept this sudden fact.. so we walked there instead.. when we reach there... indeed blackie wasnt breathing anymore.. it's 4 legs were striaght and it was hardened.. eyes was still opened.. and its tongue kinda hanging out alittle..

sis and i lifted it to the side of the road before dad and mum turn up in the car.. and just nice blackie was laying infront of my friend's house.. my parents also know them.. so well they helped.. lifted the dog and place it into the plastic bag... after that my friend's dad drove his lorry to load the dog actually we want to put it in our car but he said due to the hot weather theres some odour already so use his lorry better.. so we just say ok.. sis and i were so mindless at that point..... still we couldnt accept this fact laying infront of us...

he unload the dog body outside my gate before going back.. we're thankful for his help.. then dad called his workers to drive over and bring the carcass to bury at some open field..

look of it seems like it didnt die peacefully at all.. there was some pee on the floor and there was shit on its butt.. seems like when it was struggling for its last breathe under the blazing sun and burning road?.... the thought of it just made me feel even more upset.. if it died in a better way i wouldnt be as upset now..

sighs... must be due to the hot weather that it got a stroke/heart attack or something.. its dam pityful.. but i dont get it why it wana sneak out.. infact recently it always wana get out of the house.. as long as the gate is open it will run out and its hard to get it back home.. hais...

dad says that when dog going to die they normally will run out and find a place to die.. i dont know if this is true.. but if it is.. then its just make it sound even more upsetting.. maybe it dont want to trouble us especially when next week is chinese new year?.... i dont know! sighs... arghsss..

after i got home.. i switched on my hp and saw Samantha's sms saying she think she saw my dog out at kismis ave at around 3:30pm.. if my hp wasn't screwed up i would had brought it out along with me in the noon then blackie would might still be alive right now.... ARGHS! screw this!!!!

yes blackie is old.. its already 15yrs old.. and convert to human life span it shd be around 100+ yrs old.. maybe letting it die is a blessing to ease its pain and suffering at old age.. but not dying in such a pathetic way!.. sighs......

aniway Samantha thanks for the concern u never fail to sms me when u saw my dog outside.. sighs.... but sadly this time round i didnt manage to see ur sms on time..

although blackie and i did had some bad experiences together.. becos i was still young and naughty back in pri school.. and he left me with scars... total of 3 times i think.. got onces was i return from my pri school sport camp and sneak into the home wana surprise my family.. and then wow blackie didnt notice it was me and it just gave me a welcome home bite on my foot.. yea it wasnt a friendly bite.. it was fierce and i bleed and even got to take a jab at the clinic..

but eventhough we had bad memories.. we do have good memories too.. as i played with it since pri 3.. and it also accompanied me through many lonely and tearful nights.. especially when my mum love to lock me out of the house when i was young when i did something wrong or watever.. and wat i have left with me thru the lonely night is blackie.. but of cos my mum dont lock me out till morning.. normally just for afew hours and such.. sighs but even if its only afew hours if there wasnt blackie with me it would had been worst.. and i still remember when i was upset and having no one to talk to i would sit beside blackie and pat its head gently and talk to him.. while it would look at me and give the kind of look as if it understand wat im talking about... we did had many sweet moments..

sighs aniway.. now as im blogging i get more and more upset as i start thinkin back on the memories with him...

blackie is dead......

gone forever.......

wats left is only memories......

for people comin to my house they prolly be glad in a way.. cos they dont have to worry about getting bitten or feeling the stress..

im upset its the first time im seeing my own pet dog dead.. and it deffinitely feel shitty... now i truly understood the feeling Samantha had when her dog Elmer passed away sometime ago... but for her it was different she told me Elmer was put to sleep on injection because it was old and seriously ill.. but overall the feeling of loosing a dog thats been with u since childhood is the same.. miserable and painful...

recently things just happen one after next.. wat great timing set for me uh?..

sighs dun wana continue this entry anymore...

Rest in peace blackie..
Thanks for everything..
Though you're very mischievous and bring us alot of problem sometimes..
But we know you've done all you can to entertain the family and protect us as a faithful guard dog..

You'll be missed deeply....
/sobb...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:26 PM

hmm just finished lunch.. earlier in the morning woke up at near 9am.. gosh.. so tired lols!.. had to drag myself out with my sister for kick boxing class again..

as usual some of the steps was so complicated haha.. funny... aniway after tat came back and well went to NTUC with my sister to buy stuff again.. another 200$ at NTUC.. lol seems like whenever we go there we just wont leave without filling the cart with craps and leaving with a bill of nearing 200$ at least.. /swt.. insane lol..

aniway im kinda crazy about my driving lic lately.. looking forward to my BTT! but yet kinda worried that i might fail it.. bahh aniway ima give my best.. hehes.. aniway talking about cars.. i think im kinda practical regarding the models of car i want..

at first my dream car was Mercedes SLK and BMW M3/M4.. sports yea!..

after that i changed to Mitsubishi Lancer as its cheaper..

but i got influenced later as i get to know more about speed and power..

so i started liking Subaru Impreza WRX STi and Mitsubishi Lancer Evo 8/9..

but well they're both too expensive.. though they both look pretty and sound leet too.. hmm but if u wan me to choose one out of the both i will go with Mitsubishi Lancer Evo 8/9 deffinitely.. cos it's less common compared to Subaru Impreza WRX STi..

aniway i came up with my final decision for now.. which is Honda Integra Type R DC-5 !!

now just wait for my lic first.. then when i experience driving already then i'll conclude wats the final dream car that i will be dreaming to get...

- i hate cold blooded girls *
1:28 PM

wah time flies.. as usual.. another day gone! lol.. pengs..

sighs.. recently stress still hugging to me tightly.. ever since i finish my PD1 im still being troubled by exams and tat mini project..

until now i haven finish the mini project gosh!.. lol cos i've been dragging.. and well i feel very demoralized to do it.. cos its like website designing and stuffs used to be my favourite.. but now it just seem so dull.. maybe i've lost my interest or becos last time im making website for a reason?.. like the old days of [ A ] Alliance clan? www.clanalliance.cjb.net or maybe becos its just so different.. becos this mini project uses java programming and MySqL database... much much tougher compare to simple html codes..

aniway i feel that the main part of demoralizing came from the stupid Examiner Review.. well i will talk abit about that day.. since i nv mention it previously.. I spent alot of affort on the damn Project Design 1.. yeah i really had to admit that.. and well an average grade student like me.. given such a miserable project to work upon to do 'individually' just becos on the first week my project mates didnt turned up.. and well im sure is 'lucky' to be paired up with such project mates too..

sighs when i was given this project.. i must say i wasnt very delighted as well.. i was thinking of something like a product or a device made out by myself.. but never did i expected i will be given a task of producing experimental kit sets for other students.. but well i dont have a choice furthermore im working alone and if im to do the kind of normal projects other student do.. it will be very tedious for me.. having to do research, design, programming, and etc all by myself.. when its supposed to be split among 3 person..

so well i just accepted the task and do it.. though i knew its going to be a weird project.. cos its like im doing a technician work? not really an engineer style...

and well my assumption was proven true during the dam Examiner Review.. 2 directors (big shots) turn up for the review.. suppose to be 3 but i think the other one had something on.. and those 2 directors were also expected by me.. cos i always see them doing ER for other groups too.. aniway i was stressed of cos.. but i tried my best to present everything and such.. throwing out everything i know to them.. but i can see that they arent interested with my project at all...

and in the end they finally prove me right by asking.. why are you doing these?.. so i just tell them i dont have a choice.. this project was given to me.. not chosen by me.. then they say i shd do something then can bring out my technical skills.. meaning like a real engineer able to build something out from nothing that kinda style.. aniway they dont seem happy thats all i can say.. so well im like "wtf" sighs.. after all the endless effort.. seems like everything gone to waste.. and i can see they gona pull my grades down.. so the most i can get is perhaps B+..

its just really demoralizing and horrible experience i would say.. i hate ER seriously..

sighs and well i really spent so much time on the project until i neglected my CSA and INT module.. so well thats the reason why im feeling so shit now.. cos now i look at my lecture notes for CSA and INT then i realized i dont know much of the content at all... and exam is next week! bahh..

the tot of giving up just swarm into my mind....

a little update on my family.. dad's getting better.. but well movement isnt the same as before already.. he can hardly move fast or wat.. but aniway good thing is that he dont have to use clutches anymore..

mum had been really worn out lately.. cos she had to takecare of dad and etc.. shes been driving my dad around for his checkup etc and to places as far as ubi.. well her eye sight is really bad now.. so sighs.. i can see the aging of my parents.. its pretty upsetting.. thats why this heavy burden of responsibility as the only guy and such just falls upon me greatly.. due to taking care of my dad.. my mum had been yelling at me more then often to help out.. which is part of the reason why im feeling so vexed.. not that im not sensible enuff to help out.. infact i did help out.. but just that too much is going on.. i cant handle everything.. especially a person like me whoms bad at multi tasking/stress and time management.. i also like to help out more.. but not when im clouded with personal issues all over.. sighs... i guess everything just falls upon me too rapidly.. so fast that i dont know how to handle and cope with them...

u know why im so scared about aging now?.. becos time is moving so fast that im hitting the big 21 this year! but seriously i dont feel ready enough for whats coming right at me..

i need to grow up more mentally and physically..!!

im still working on it... jiayou! gambatte yc san!!..

sighs..

aniway i just completed my Final Theory Lessons today.. now going to go for my final theory practice and evaluation soon..

Final theory really is more complicated then Basic theory.. becos its more about the car itself.. how u control ur car.. accelerating/maintaining speed/brake etc.. and well cos im learning manual its tougher.. got to know all the gears.. when to use gear wat etc.. and changing gear u got to clutch etc.. bahh it all look so easy when we're looking at someone driving but wow.. i cant believe theres so many steps involved.. and the instructor really made it sound so scary..

aniway when the instructor demo the air bag operation it really shocked us lol!.. the guy sitting beside me was chosen cos the girl beside him pointed at him when the instructor ask who like to volunteer.. lmao.. its on a machine.. that look exactly like the driving part of the car.. with the steering wheel etc.. the guy got onto it and hook up the seat belt.. the instructor then pushed the seat with the guy sitting on it and it actually slide forward upon a metal railing.. we all though the motive was just to show us how the guy sitting on it is being thrown forward upon hitting an object.. the guy did jerked forward when the seat hit the end of the railing.. the second time he pushed harder.. we all tot its gona show us how it will be with bigger impact.. and well this shocked us.. there was a super loud BANG! and it happen so fast in like a split second! and u see a big air bag infront of the guy head.. lol he was shocked hahaha.. then we all laughed.. then he told the instructor why u didnt warned me about this lol !!.. no wonder before that the instructor ask if he got heart attack anot lol!... funny..

second lesson of final theory was with an intresting instructor.. i liked his lessons.. i happen to got him during my Basic theory lessons.. and im surprised that i got him again for my final theory.. guess hes incharge for all classes in the time slot that i booked.. aniway hes really nice.. never fail to entertain the class.. although hes kinda lame sometimes lol...

and well thanks to him we know that if u're being caught for jay walking nowadays.. u will be fined $100!! previously was only $50.. and well something intresting he shared with us was he said in the morning he had this girl taking warm up before the TP test.. and well he was with the girl during the warm up session and this girl just got pissed becos it was raining.. he said he was in a good mood.. so he dont even know that it was raining lol!.. then the girl asked him why isit raining today.. he was puzzled with this question so he just said "bobian mah" lol.. then the girl got pissed.. aniway the most ownage thing is the girl in the end say.. If i fail TP then its ur fault!.. wow... im really surprised on how some people dare to raise their voice and attitude towards instructors and such.. cos i can never do it.. dont know why.. infact im scare of getting scolded by them for not doing well if i take my practicals.. so i really wonder how some pple can actually turn around and scold instructors lol! wtf man...

aniway his really a funny instructor.. i dont mind taking more of his lessons seriously lol.. cos he nv make it bored.. and im impressed on how he can memorise the Basic Theory and Final Theory hand book so well.. he can know which page wat paragraph is about wat etc.. goshh.. so sometimes he just suddenl say.. turn to page blah blah.. paragraph xxx take note on that.. etc..

i really pei fu him!! lol...

on the way home.. wow saw 3 pretty and cute girls in the bus.. hmm but from their voice they sound like typical xiao lians.. hahas.. hmm maybe they look good cos they had make up on.. but aniway looking at them just made me feel as if im so old... seriously i dont fit in to places with too many youngsters already.. cant help it but i just feel im already old..

and yea.. my phone is really dying! i charge to full batt but even sms or a short call will kill the phone.. suddenly it will just shuts down.. i think most probably batt is dying.. sighs still wondering if i shd change phone.. or wat...

dont think my dad will be happy too if he knows i wana change phone.. sighs.. still remember i got to beg him tat time just to change to my current hp when the previous one was dying due to the keypad..

sighs and i seriously never enjoyed asking him for anything.. esp now that he's not feeling well...

sighs... the family is really not so great these while i can say... mum and dad both keep mention about dying and shit.. really make me feel so zzzz... today my mum even show me her CPF and say wat if she die then at least we know she got CPF.. say we can use the money etc.. wah lao i listen already i really zzz.... my mum had eye problems so well im kinda aware that she might have to go for operation when her eyes get worst.. and that kinda operation isnt 100% successful de but sighs..... why everyone keep talkin about dying!!!!...

and well the day before i also heard my mum talkin to her friend tat.. dad told her that if one day he really cannot take care of himself he will kill himself de and wont be a burden to her...

arghss! its really wtf lor.. i seriously hate it when they talk likedat... it seriously sucks!

and to add on to the mess the family have a half dead dog too.. blackie is like a time bomb now.. anytime or when will just like pass away.. sighs.... and on the other hand i have a crazy joggie that cant wait to tear the house apart.. wtf man..

sighs and i guess my parents dont even know that they have a son here thats actually suffering from depression all the while since young..... and how am i going to get better when they themselves alway keep talking about depressing stuffs...

sighss.. im feeling really very vexed and sicked.. starting to view things in another way now.. aniway think im loosing weight again.. was back to 75kg+ awhile ago.. now i dropped back to ard 73kg.. all these nights just could sleep well.. and im loosing appetitide for anything.. hardly eat much everyday.. only eat like 2 meals.. sighs...

hadnt been blogging much ever since 29th Jan 07 nor messing around with drafts or updates.. and wow now look like this is the longest entry recently..

sighs.. wo hao lei.........

i might look better recently in real life becos i dont talk as much depressing/emo things with a tone of tears choking.. but sighs only i myself know it.. aniway i guess no point telling people so much.. becos everyone has their own problems too.. i dont enjoy going around and telling people wat shit im in unless they force me.. or if the situation requires me to share my part.. example in a heart to heart talk?.. also i dont know if they will really be worried for me or not but i myself also dont wish them to worry for me so much.. somethings are best kept to oneself.. why give friends that care extra stress? all i wan to give my friends would prolly be a good companion/shoulder to lean on/pair of listening ears..

overall i just hope i can be there for them and solve/reduce their problems and not add on...

i will keep up that smile and laughter of mine with whoever im with till the day i break down....

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:43 PM

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:33 PM

lols.. just realized that im kinda missing out lots of fun with some of my old friends.. seems like they're still clubbing frequently and look happening..

lols.. kinda miss those old times.. well i so long nv club lers.. hais.. maybe i might resume clubbing life next semester?.. well.. see how things goes... =)..

i really shd enjoy my youth before its really gone.. be it clubbing or watever....

i've been so tied down for the past months cause of school.. im really dying man.. going nuts already.. neverending projects and reports.. bahhs.. i seriously cant handle stress... but still i've got to conquer it..

and well awhile ago.. im being introduced to a movie called BR 2 by my poly friends.. well its a old movie actually.. 1 or 2yrs + back.. aniway i still liked it.. becos its very meaningful.. especially BR 1.. sighs when i watch it.. my heart was filled with emotions.. its really saddening.. whereby classmates got to kill each other in this BR game.. and well friendship went under serious testing.. sighs.. and saddening too cos theres afew lovers in the movie whom didnt manage to get together till they're dying then they let the opposite know their feelings(love).. so well u can imagine yea those before death whispers...

here's one of the sad part..

*Guy went around looking for Girl despite being injuried*
*Girl saw Guy and was scared as she dont know if hes comin to kill her*
*Girl hide and peaked*
*Girl accidentally lean back and hit the cardboard*
*Cans fell off the cardboard*
*Loud noise* Ping pong ping pong
*Girl covered mouth* thinking oh shit!
*Guy turned back and look*
Guy: Kotohiki... that you?
*Girl still covering mouth and in hiding* Shaking head
Guy: Kotohiki. Answer me!
*Guy runs towards the area where the noise was produced*
*Girl paniced screamed and stood up*
*Girl fired upon the Guy with the gun in hand*
*Bang!*
*Bang!*
*Bang!*
*Bang!*
*Bang!*
*Bang!*
*Guy turned and fell into a pool of water*
*Girl still aiming at guy and trying to fire*
*Gun produced noise*
*Click Click Click Click Click Click*
*Gun's out of ammo*
*Guy laying in water and looking at Girl*
Guy: Hurry, run...
Girl: What?
*Girl lowered gun*
Guy: Someone will come drawn to the gunshots... run!
*Guy in pain*
Girl: Why? Sugimura, why?
*Girl got out of hiding spot and go towards Guy*
Guy: You're so cute.
*Guy smiling*
Girl: What are you talking about! What is this!
*Girl tearing*
Guy: I wanted to see you...
Guy: To save you, actually...
*Girl shaked head and grabbed her gun tightly towards her chest*
Girl: Don't tell me...
Guy: I've been in love with you, Kotohiki...
Guy: ...for a long, long... time...
*Guy stopped moving*
*Girl slowly stand and shake her head crying*
*Girl slowly dragged her feet towards Guy*
*Girl kneel down beside Guy*
Girl: But you...
*Girl move her head closer to Guy face*
Girl: ...never even talked to me.
Girl: How could i have known, you never said a thing...
Girl: What am I supposed to do now?
*Another voice of a girl*
GirlB: Die.
*Girl turn around*
*Bang!*
*GirlB shot Girl*
*Girl fall back onto Guy's body*
*Dead..*


well... and these bunch of students was chosen becos of their lifestyle which wasnt really good.. so they can experience the real meaning of life.. its like when u know u're going to get killed or die.. somehow u'll start to cherish/regret alot of things.. this is true.. cos human always take life for granted.. only on the verge of dying then we'll look back and cry upon all our mistakes and regrets.. even i myself cant escape this fact...

sighs aniway its a real great show... real meaningful......

- i hate cold blooded girls *
3:26 AM

LOL.. ahsum is always well "loved" HAHA!...

ya says:
lol...
ya says:
your int project haven ifnish meh?
ya says:
how come u call me that day i call u back u switch off your phone liao arh?
ya says:
when i listen that voice when u never pick up the phone i fell like going to smash ppl sia
ya says:
kns
ya says:
oie
ya says:
u haven tell me wad work are u doing ?
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
HAHAa
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
u dont love ahsum ?
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
HAHAHAHA
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
hmm no lah not working la lmao
ya says:
fuck la ahsum
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
hahahahaa!
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
ROFL
ya says:
even ivan tio trick
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
hahahahahaa
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
wat he do
ya says:
wondering how come like this and call me
ya says:
he thought he call wrong number
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
ROFL!
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
HAHAHAAHAHAA
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
u making me laugh
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
ROFL
ya says:
ahsum where u get that fucking voice mail de
ya says:
ahsum like a maid sia
ya says:
listen liao can beat ppl one

LOL.. sighs wonder if u're right derek lols..

@, €Pocky! says:
we graduating mid sept if we clr
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
ok
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
we better!
@, €Pocky! says:
ye
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
i dun wan to fckin stay
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
we already retained 1yr + i think rite
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
total 1yr + rite
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
tmd
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
cos u see the rest
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
the like move on until where liao
@, €Pocky! says:
we both
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
working / army
@, €Pocky! says:
3 sems extra
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
ccb
@, €Pocky! says:
aiya
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
1 yr 1/2 yr kns
@, €Pocky! says:
dun brood on it la
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
so long!
@, €Pocky! says:
u alrdy changed over
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
changed over?
@, €Pocky! says:
i nv seen u workin so hard all my life
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
LOL
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
i got no choice on FYP
@, €Pocky! says:
u've been doin quite smth for ur pd
@, €Pocky! says:
this thing every1 can c
@, €Pocky! says:
i feel proud of u man
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
wth
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
lol
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
u sound until i done some great stuff
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
i where got so wei da
@, €Pocky! says:
not bad ah
@, €Pocky! says:
not noble
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
lol
@, €Pocky! says:
just u changed for the better
@, €Pocky! says:
thts all
Қүόẕụḵе٠ Yc`` .. [ eternal legacy ] [ ､ﾍﾂｭ] says:
hope u're right man

Thanks yun =)

× ◦ ❤ Princess'Babyunn™ ▪ ｢ｵﾜｿｫ ❤ ◦ × ╖.] says:
korkor jia you!

- i hate cold blooded girls *
12:22 AM

omg cant believe it haha i passed my Basic Theory Evaluation on first attempt.. 65/70 93%!! hee now lets hope i can clear my Basic Theory Test on first attempt as well...

but stupid larhs! got to wait 2 weeks+ for the BTT test.. its on 21st Feb.. haiss.. waste time.. so well now ima take my advance lesson and practice first..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
5:58 PM