Friday, October 09, 2009
the guys are watching ice age 3 now.. it sure brings back alot of memories.. how i laughed with my dearest as we watched it..
many scenes made me recalled exactly what and how she smiled as she fitted nicely against me...
i really don't believe that there will be another girl like her coming into my life again.. its so hard to let go.. as much as i know she wont change her mind and probably whatever i try it'll just hurt me even more since she'll just back off or ignore me whenever i try..
i don't know how.. i really don't know...
she seem to be moving on very well.. it shows that shes really determined and maybe she don't even have anymore feelings left for me.. and i should respect that.. but.... will everyone really just let go the real love of their life just like that?..
I've never felt feeling this strong before.. so strong that i can be sure that she's the one i want to spend the rest of my life with...
why such love can just be gone just like that? i was stupid enough to not cherish it enough.. i only thought that if i was truthful and sincere everything will be fine.. but i was wrong.. love isn't only that.. it involves alot other factors..
micromanagement...
I've finally understand it.. but its too late... i know my life is going to change right after i ORD but i never expect it to be like that.. i thought i could return the time we've lost during this period and able to be there for her fully.. able to pick her up from sch and send her home etc since i'll have my lic by then.. so much so much more..
why..... why...........
im not what she thinks i am.. i am so much more.. i really wish i can have more time to prove it..
but its too late isn't it... deep in my heart i know.. i just don't wish to face it.. i still cant accept this...
yesterday night, LCP Sun played a china series show.. its a drama about family and romance.. the lead actress inside reminds me of her.. because the thing she did and said inside was so similar to her.. my heart was squeezed once more..
enough said.. i just want to release some of my thoughts.. its killing me as i cant share it with anyone in camp and i've to be stuck in here till next friday.. every morning im being tortured until i can distract myself by doing work or acting like a clown towards my friends here.. basically doing things so i wont think as much....
anyway no one visits my blog anymore.. so its just a empty vacuum for me to type now..
i have to be stronger....
