happy chinese new year to all.. this is the first time i feel that cny is so different.. cos i've only have 2 days to bai nian den have to book in.. the holiday mood is still not over den have to go back camp hear pple cursing at us..

sigh.. kinda lost my blogging habits for the past many many months.. everytime i book out theres just alot of things i want to do.. maybe some private time for myself to do what i enjoy.. but time is never enough.. and to achieve something without neglecting another is always an issue..

i know my parents kinda miss me.. but yet im still so cold towards them.. well cos whenever i try they'll shut me out with bad comments.. and it seems like the last one back in my poly days really killed me.. but even so.. i can feel that i still care.. cos afterall they're my parents and im not a bastard.. sighs.. recently.. theres been alot of mental stress on me..

i've to worry about many things.. and wat i can do is probably just focus on one at a time.. im not a multi tasking person.. and i think i'll never be.. good thing is that it makes me focus on a girl at a time and not trying to mess around haha!.. its just how im created.. but it also has its down side.. nothing is perfect..

sighs.. we all know that our parents will leave us sooner or later.. and especially being the only son.. the burden's heavier.. we've to takecare of our parents when they retire, like how they've raised us up.. i feel pain to see my dad still working hard now cos he's still worried about my future.. else he would had retired..

i really wish that i can craft out my future immediately.. im very ambitious.. for watever i do.. its either be the best or dont even try.. at the moment for army.. im not putting in much effort since my future's already ruined the moment i was OOC from bmt.. else i would had probably went to sispec at least.. but well i still appreciate wat life has planned for me.. eventhough everyday we're living in fear and uncertainties.. but isnt that wats army about? preparing us for the worst.. and im not scare to face it..

my mum has been telling me that my dad hasnt been very well nowadays.. often feeling breatheless.. yes hearing this news for any child deffinitely will give them a smack in the head.. *what have u been doing as a son* i feel horrible.. and my dad also talk to me abt my life etc.. everyone thinks that i dont care about my future.. but wtf.. i think of it everyday...

money is getting so important now that its starting to stress me out.. hate it when people bullshit about how money isnt everything.. im the only son and i've to takecare of my parents.. including my wife parent maybe? since shes their only child?.. and also my own family?.. theres many things i've to support.. and also have to prove to my wife relatives that shes better then them financially etc.. all these doesnt come overnight..

i cant get a job now.. as my army duties are unstable.. the only thing i can possibly seek extra cash from is from the net.. but so far everything seem to be falling apart.. sometimes i dont even know wat im doing.. to some people im just wasting my money.. they dont even think that it'll work.. cos i dont know wat they're thinking.. but for me.. im not gona waste all the effort i've put in.. now all i wish is to recover my lost.. its not impossible but i cant do it alone...

everyone wish for sweetness.. but for me i'll rather taste the bitter part first..

*posted some draft.. figured i wont go back and update them fully anyway

- i hate cold blooded girls *
9:03 AM