Wednesday, December 03, 2008
just got home.. finally.. after a hell of a week.. sighs.. i have never been so totally tired out..
i left the camp with a heavy mind and legs all the way till i reach my gate.. when i open the gate i felt a sense of relief.. thinking yay i finally can rest.. took off my boots.. went to the kitchen and saw my mum all alone at home.. probably ate alone too since theres no one else.. i saw my favourite dish "bbq chicken" and there was one left in the plate.. i feel like eating but my appetitide has long left me after another day of being fucked.. i feel sad that i cant enjoy the food my mum cook all the time becos of all the shit i get.. sighs... it probably taste bitter due to all the sweat and tears i've swallowed...
i felt heart pain and i do pity her.. whenever i wana say nice stuff appreciate her etc.. she turn me off by yelling and nagging at me... so it became a habit that no one will say nice stuffs in the family anymore.. but we do still feel for each other in our hearts..
haiz.. aniway she nagged me about my room.. i went to my room and wow ya she really did a whole lot of cleanning for me.. i do appreciate it alot.. either way i was planning to do it when i book out.. haiz.. i feel sad when she started nagging and stuff.. u know wat u hope for when u get home after a fuck up day?.. a good hug and words of concern.. but yea thats kinda impossible for chinese culture.. cos they're not that open minded.. sighs when she was nagging and stuff i felt so disappointed as always.. cos whenever i need some concern i know my family will never be the one whom will show.. and thats why my family has never been really warmth and nice.. to us its probably just a place for shelter and food.. other then that everyone basically live their own ways.. though im sure in everyone hearts we do think and care.. but wats the point when they dont show it.. or they show it in a way which is hard to accept..
sighs... now to talk abt wat happen in camp..
it sucked badly eversince last monday.. whereby LAB inspection started..
- night out on wed was great with darling
- friday night
- today kana fuck again
- bmt shit on yst