Sunday, May 11, 2008
happy 14th anniversary darling..
its pathetic that we cant celebrate again on the day itself and have to celebrate it on the next weekend if possible.. haiz...
sighs.. woke up awhile ago.. its sunday again.. haha.. im getting sick of this miserable cycle.. and as usual.. life continues..
this weekend was even shorter then before.. i didnt get to do much with darling except for eating and going through some animes.. and darling suddenly got recalled back to work place at night for really stupid reasons.. haiz!..
even on our one and only day together they also want to interrupt.. im really frustrated and disappointed.. though hrs later darling came back.. but it was already so late.. then in the night i had a horrible gestric pain.. after darling help me put on some oilment i fell asleep.. so didnt get to talk to darling etc also.. haiz..
it sucks when u look forward so much towards the weekend then it turn out to be not pretty much what u expected.. sighs.. bad news always have to come when we're finally together..
sighs.. i dun wan to say too much.. as some of these i think are rather private and better to be kept in my thoughts..
overall.. im feeling shitty.. my instructor always like to put me down.. but watever he said wasnt just emptiness.. actually its real and wat i always felt so.. although nowadays i try to ignore his words and react with just a smile or saying something to change the topic.. but still his words still lingers around my mind..
i need to be tougher mentally.. this is just the beginning.. i see everyone else who is coping so well with life in there.. most of them are just pure bastard.. just making use of each other etc.. being thick skinned is a very important asset to survive..
everyone in my current course is messed up.. everyday im facing monkeys and really not much difference comparing to a zoo.. so well i just sit there and stone my time away when im not involved in training and when darling's busy.. its a really horrible time i tell u.. haiz..
theres alot of negative thoughts.. but i dun feel like typing them out cos its just gona make me seem like a retard whiner again.. i'll just continue to contain them inside me and fight against them before they can consume me..
in conclusion i feel that im losing my emotions.. and starting to feel even more numb towards everything....
next week going to be another long week.... no nights out due to some monkeys fighting and smoking on non smoking day.. sighs..
get ready to count down for another 6 days...
darling is still sleeping now.. i duno wat time she need to go to work.. and i dun feel like knowing.. whenever i hear abt her work it just makes me boil especially on how her superior treating her.. but i also know its going to be good for her if she can get through this miserable period.. i just need to accept the sacrifises required.. im not going to disturb her since shes not in a good condition due to certain issue..
takecare my love.. i hope everything will be better..
i know this entry is so dull and dead.. becos thats exactly the kind of mood i've been going through....
