shd i just give up on this dream?.. i think im almost at the end of it.. im REALLY.. sick and tired of pushing people to do this and that.. NOTHING get accomplished still... so dam sickening.. makes me wonder why am i fighting this endless war trying to succeed in something thats obviously fated to have no future..

it just pisses me off.. no matter how hard i try.. nothing seem to change.. everyday i get on this "job" looking at it.. and start to wonder why am i even doing this...

yes its my wish and my dream.. but.. its starting to make me feel that its going to be pointless doing it..

wats holding me back is the hope for miracle.. i wan to prove myself that i haven wasted my years of effort and sacrifises.. but well.. i guess its just fated.. u know this is just like a loser that dont accept defeat.. or just another gambler then thinks the next bet gona be better.. and just keep loosing more and more each try..

i dont have much time left till i enter the army.. and also becos of this.. im feeling even more impatience with it.. i wan to see some REAL results.. but till now.. everything still in a big fat mess..

i want to see dar 99 and eventually trans.. but i think i can forget abt it.. its make me wonder how many shares the same dream as i do.. worst is pple making me feel like the share the same dream and turns out as disappointment..

this happen ALL the time.. its making me real sick of it.. people always say but when it comes to doing.. they slack off their promises..

everyday im fighting with myself on whether i shd just give up.. yet i cant bear to see all the time and effort just get wasted like that.. i want to achieve my dream and goal.. but i alone cant do anything.. the kind of feeling is totally shit up..

so anxious to do something but not many around u are serious enough to achieve something.. and when something screws up.. they blame each other, they complain and do lots of shit except working on the problem..

so sick of it... if i can choose.. i rather not start it.. becos when i start something i want to make sure its perfect or it succeed.. becos i tend to put too much hope onto it...

so irritated...! every little thing is making me pissed off..

i seriously feel like SCREAMING at those people that keep making me disappointed and irritated!.. all these anger that keep adding on in me.. just make it so hard to be happy again...

i wish im a evil person.. so i can fucking scold people without feeling any sympathy or watever.. just pure relief from all the anger... why is it so easy for some people to give hell to others but yet so hard for me!!..

i think i going to have high blood pressure or heart attack soon..

i can only wish and rant here.. cos i know nothings going to change in real life..

Im forever myself.. and that will mean.. problems will always be there... wat can i do?.. hope the infamous NS will change me into someone different!..

- i hate cold blooded girls *
8:36 PM