Friday, April 27, 2007
sighs.. its only 2+pm and now it seems like its late evening..
dark clouds had covered the sky creating a dark greyish atmosphere..
wonder how am i going to school.. hate taking umbrellas.. guess i'll just walk to school likedat.. at this very moment my mood is just like the dull weather.. my face is holding up a frown on it's own.. and it look like theres millions of thoughts going through my head onces again..
it all started after the conversation with my project advisor/supervisor at 5pm yesturday outside the ECE office.. we talked until near 7pm..
many thing about my project was mentioned.. and she also did some cards with me to find out my career interest.. i did find out alittle bit about myself in the process.. sighs..
i want to take risk yet im afraid of the lack of security.. i want a simple job life with sense of belonging and friendly nice environment, yet on the other hand i wish to strive for something great.. guess the ambitious self lays hidden inside of me..
sighs and well she also asked about my vpp progress and my partial disappearance.. i feel guilty.. feel so bad.. sighs..
monday shes going to access what i've done.. cause they need to give grading.. now i feel like im struggling in a quick sand..
sighs my supervisor actually can see somehow that im giving up hope on my project.. its obvious.. because last sem i was always burning time and staying back to do work.. now i just rot away my time.. i told her im demoralized that i worked so much yet i get a B+ while others who barely put in as much as me.. got a B.. and she told me im just 1% away from my A.. she said i got 79%.. wat the fish?.. she say shes also disappointed that 1% they also want to rip off.. but its the examiners conclusion and onces they decided, the marks cant be changed..
hais...
she said alot of things to me.. and it just made me feel bad....
sighs.. i go prepare now ler.. going to be late for my 3pm class..
Ps: I hate it when people dont understand me.. I replied them when i could choose not to and the reply i get was just.. 'help me do this, help me do that' or blaming me for my absence..
'thats the reason why i hate replying/answering when im bothered by problems!'
why they can do stuffs like that and when i do it they dont understand.. cb go and die lah! are they the only ones that are busy, need time for something else and other shits!?..
'most' of the people around me only contact me when they need advise, console, help, attention, care, accompany and watever shit they have in mind.. then when one day i cant keep up to my 'task' because of some reason.. all they do is blame it on me and even scold me.. WTF is this?!!?
im not a damned toy or tool k!!
maybe thats the reason why im always a loner.. rather just be alone.. free from all these 'responsibilities'.. and let me tell you.. dont be surprise that one day when u need the same treatment from these people all they going to give you is the 'dont bother me attitude' or 'go away u're so annoying'... zZz..
2!#!%!@#!!#% IM PISSED!
