Thursday, February 22, 2007
hmm..
read sheena's blog.. which was hidden for me all these while.. and now shes showing it to me again.. hm but when i go thru the contents.. all i can say is i dont feel good.. makes me wonder why she wana let me see all those stuffs..
i think certain stuffs is better off telling me striaght in a nice manner.. i will feel better and infact i wont even be mad or upset.. i will even appreciate.. its much better then making me feel as if people around enjoy being with me but actually they dont and in their heart they are cursing me or watever...
now i understand and i also seen through my own mistakes.. i shdnt be blogging out craps here all the time.. i shd face it and fight it.... now im starting to feel like a childish kid blogging daily feelings.. wats these for?.. let people know? why dont i just hang out and tell them?.. dont know how? try it then.. i shd face it.. be a meanie is better then being a weakling..
aniway its true that i did considered patching up with her and that was when i actually said alot of mushy stuffs etc.. but i guess something screwed up somewhere in between.. stuffs that i shdnt be mentioning out here.. but i've told benjamin and zhenning before bout wats disturbing me..
but its also after i read her blog.. i wondered.. so all the while they just look at me as a depressed aimless soul huh?.. like watching a miserable ant growing.. makes me feel so pathetic and useless when i read how im being look upon as..
so all the while wat are they looking at me as?.. maybe i was being considered as an outkast without realizing it myself.. and i still thought im something to everyone as a friend or watever..
guys i think i'll need to confirm this issue with some of u all.. talk it out before i misunderstand any..
aniway i admit my life is screwed up.. but it not as if im not doing anything about it.. i seriously hate it when people look upon me in a way i dont want it to be..
mixed thoughts and feelings.......
