Sunday, January 21, 2007
yeap.. im here again..
but not gona update the previous posts yet.. just gona add on alittle..
aniway just changed my blog song.. to a pretty old eurodance track.. Ready for Love by Cascada..
why the song ready for love? because i felt that i've lost all confidences and faith that i use to have towards love.. wonder when will i be ready for love again.. aniway now wats left in my mind about love is just bullshit.. pack of lies and nonsense... i use to believe that love's sweet, innocent and wonderful.. whereby a girl and a guy get together because they truly love each other and accept each other's flaws.. but now people are treating love as some sick game!.. to them its like a computer game whereby either u be the player or the computer.. meaning either u play the opposite or u get played.. what the fuck is this? is playing with other peoples emotions so fun and exciting?.. and i seriously despise and hate those guys whom sweet talk/cheat their ways out to hit on innocent devoted girls whom heart's still pure towards love when they know they dont love the girl at all and all they want is to fuck the girl.. its totally screwed up can.. i get even more upset when i see girls i know and cared for falling into traps like this..
and u know wat happen to people after they get played? some of them will want to become a player after they manage to get over the hurt.. or they become lesbian/gay.. or just simply lock themselves up.. or commit suicides..
aniway in most cases.. people just get vengeful.. so they became bastards/bitches.. and this cycle will never end.. it just keep carry on like a life cycle.. sighs..
the media is really a fuckup source of influence.. with all those stupid love dramas going on.. im not saying that all love dramas suck.. some really brings out the true meaning of love.. but some simpily just make people think as if love is just a game etc.. so they can just end it with a break up/divorce... blah blah... zzz...
i really feel very turn off because i've seen/heard too much in real life situation and not to mention i had also been through some pretty bad experiences.. it make me conclude that even if i have someone whom i really love now i also dont think i will want to start a relationship with her... sighs...
kinda miss going back to Music Underground just to dance the night away on stage like how i used to every saturday night.. but well now dancing there isnt a usual habit already.. infact i hardly go there nowadays.. and i also forgotten since when i lost the habit..
the last time i went down was due to siyun mei's birthday.. and that was on the 29th Dec 06.. before the 29th i also hardly went there already..
aniway lets talk about today.. well expected for the lack of sleep.. i slept at 5+am.. and i was actually forcing myself to get up for my kick boxing class at 9:15am.. so tired that u know u will fall striaght back to sleep onces u lay back on the bed again.. and this is the kind of feeling i wish i had i have at night and not in the morning.. sighs cos i always cant get to sleep without having to toss and turn around on the bed for countless minutes..
aniway luckily my sis and i werent really late for class.. but sadly when we got in the room they already started.. so well faster walk in place our stuffs and start joining them with all the punching, hopping, kicking etc.. well today im more delighted with my performance though.. at least i dont look like a geek that keep doing wrong moves compared to the first lesson.. as i have a big problem following the mirror image of the teacher.. whereby watever they do u have to do the opposite way.. and if u hesitate for abit u will fail to catch up..
sighs aniway after that.. in the noon went to NTUC with my sister and bought tibits and stuffs.. the place was pretty crowded.. even had problem finding a parking lot in the carpark.. sighs then in NTUC was so packed.. i was pretty irritated especially when some shoppers were so totally idiot and inconsiderate.. and well i was like so tired.. but surprisingly i didnt flare up..
aniway dont know isit NTUC stuff expensive or we took too much stuff.. the amount accumulated over 100$.. faints*..
sighs aniway we got home at around 3+pm.. then sis cooked instant noodle.. and we slacked infront of the computer.. trying to find some shows to watch.. after we decided wat to watch.. i went to bath as i was feeling so sticky..
after bathing i just felt so tired.. so when to the bed and laid for sometime.. while sis went to bath also and after that she went to watch the movie on my computer.. i didnt join there because i fell asleep for alittle and later on wokeup to find myself burning.. was really like having fever.. but luckily now its better already..
sighs..
aniway i realized that this recent depression that i've got is so bad that it have been dragging for so long.. if im not wrong it had been months already.. and the worst is normally i will feel better after giving myself sometime to chill etc.. but now it doesnt seem to help anymore.. it just continue to make me feel negative, lifeless, moodless, demoralized, not motivated and dazed...
duno wats happening to me.. but i really hope it will blow over soon.. cause its really very miserable to live life like this.. its not wat i wanted ok.. im trying hard myself to get over it.. but it just doesnt help at all....
i dont even have my own life nowadays seriously.. last time maybe i will still ring up someone to chat/lame around.. or even ask if they wana meet up/go clubbing/etc.. but these months.. i've just been in a dazed.. as if a flash bang had blew up infront of my face.. leaving me lost, blind and confused..
i can tell u i haven been calling up anyone at all.. unless im returning a missed call.. else u wont see me calling anyone.. sms is the same.. i dont sms people anymore.. unless im needed to.. or i need to reply a sms.. but worst is sometimes i dont even reply call / sms already....
am i turning into some freak soon.. or am i already one... its sickening and pathetic to see myself living life like that..
its like...
im getting devoured by my own weakness and flaws....
