Saturday, January 20, 2007
just came back home and finally im blogging again... publishing/editting some of the old posts and updating new one as well..
aniway just now went to watch movie with zhenning, benjamin and sheena at westmall.. the show was Apocalypto.. decided by zhenning i think lol.. to me i find the show is ok.. isnt bad.. good experience but its just disturbing overall.. sighs...
after that went to chill abit.. whereby i dont know how i just said out wats been happening in my life recently.. and its really bad stuffs...
sighs didnt manage to join xandra mei with her birthday celebration..
So Sorry Xandra mei! sighs...but i seriously hope she had fun with her group of close friends though..
happy belated 18th birthday although i had already wished her yesturday...
hais.. aniway.. another day gone.. and im closer to my final review now.. need to research on so many things yet i just dont feel like doing anything.. or shd i just im just not motivated at all.. im seriously lacking of motivation for anything in my life.. or i guess its simply just because im not confident.. like for example my driving lic.. until now im not even fully motivated yet.. partly is because im busy lately with projects.. but mainly is because i dont have confidence on passing it during the first attempt.. and the thought of not being able to pass it on the first attempt just make it demoralizing to attempt.. sighs... but aniway the target i set is get it before Aug 2007.. hope i can achieve it..
and well how to be a motivated person when he himself not even assure of his abilities and personalities.. not to mention that he dont even have self confidences..
and as i get older.. im getting pressured by responsibilities and many things.. which im sure everyone goes thru..
sighs..
to me i feel that the best way to get out of this is to have a source of firm support somewhere.. which family of cos play the main role as they play a bigger role in our life.. but sadly i dont get it from my family.. since young my family has always been like that.. and as i grow up i start to feel as if my home is just a place to sleep and eat.. nothing more then that.. its just so cold and dead.. which is why whenever i go out i dont really feel like going back home... cos whenever i go home i will feel very dull again..
let me quote something from the great book "Tuesdays with Morrie"
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"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isnt the family. It's become quite clear to me as I've been sick. If you don't have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said, 'Love each other or perish."
"Love each other or perish," Morrie said.
"It's good, And its so true.
"Without love we're birds with broken wings."
"Say I was divorced, or living alone, or had no children. This disease --what I'm going through-- would be so much harder. I'm not sure I could do it. Sure, people would come visit, friends, associates, but it's not the same as having someone who will not leave. It's not the same as having someone whom you know has an eye on you, is watching you the whole time."
"This is part of what family is about, not just love, but letting others know there's someone who is watching out for them. It's what I missed so much when my mother died --what I call your 'spiritual security'-- knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame."- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
sighs life just keep going downhill for me.. and everytime i try to get out of it.. it just get even worst.. most probably i dont know wats the right way of solving it so it just get worst each time.. bring more problem and shits..
aniway i just realized that my memory is getting really bad.. or isit becos im too vexed with problems around?.. i can actually forget wat happened in the day or just recently.. and things like birthday i really couldnt remember them anymore without setting calendar alarms.. sighs.......
sighs.. aniway now i've alot of task on hand.. so much till i feel that i dont have time for much stuffs anymore.. esp for a bad time management individual like me..
well now i have to do alot of house work daily and help out in every little things at home.. because my dad sprained her back on tuesday and kinda reap up old injuries.. and its quite bad.. now hes movement is pretty much restricted and his dependant on clutches now and moving like a guy in his 80's it really made me feel very upset whenever i see him.. cant move his back and got to be very careful with every step else it might make the injury worst which isnt funny becos injuries on the spine can lead to paralyze..
so i will have to take over wat my dad usually does..
Water the plants daily..
Feed the fishes daily..
Feed the dog daily..
Bath the dog weekly..
etc...
sighs.. theres so much happening lately.. but i just dont have the energy to blog out every single thing... but i will update again soon..
