Thursday, December 14, 2006
sighs now in class just finished my labtest now waiting for my friend to finish his.. sigh.. today im so blur again wth.. duno wats wrong with me.. i actually tried to open the door by pushing when its supposed to be pulled.. and not to mention that i've been opening that kinda door ever since i've been in poly.. then my friend was laughing at me lol.. pengs..
sighs.. i've been so blur and clumsy lately.. gawd..
sad.. wats wrong with me.. my face does look so lifeless.. hw come everytime when i sink into a depressed state it takes so long for me to get out of it..
oh yeah and btw i had been leaving my msn on for these days.. and actually didnt got much mood to chat so been afking.. sorry my friends..
sigh.. earlier i did went on msn.. and Thiamkhee happen to talk to me and mentioned to me about his views about being depressed and such.. did made a lot of sense as well.. but i realized something.. advise from people only can comfort u and make u feel better but it wont make u change any facts or so..
one good thing about it.. it allow the person to reflect and think.. but at the same time it might causes confusion and dilemma between wats right/wrong and wat he shd do/not do..
not sure if everyone will be likedat.. but it applies to myself.. sighs..
i've not posted the drafts.. but when i do.. people will know that i've been trying to change..
sighs... theres alot of reason why im hesitating and stuck.. but this is the 2 main reason..
1) being a bastard or a asshole is not myself.. those that know me will know wat kind of person i am..
2) not everyone around deserve to be treated nasty.. wat happen if i really became a bad person.. its not fair to them..
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i do agree with wat -.- said.. and thats also something i used to tell other pple.. but nowadays i start to wonder.. is that a valid reason to be a bad person?.. i've been scolded by some of my friends.. saying that changing myself just becos of wat i've face is the way of a loser.. they said.. im supposed to learn and be stronger after each bad encounter not loosing myself, falling deeper and changing myself into someone im not.. sighs... im really lost...
