Thursday, December 07, 2006
just read yukuang's blog.. wow first time hahas.. sighx.. the sentence 'live life to the fullest' really struck my mind when i saw it on her blog..
sighs... wat have i been doing all these while.. getting myself into such a mess and loosing myself thru out all these years just becos of a word called "LOVE" .. for wat right.. seriously i start to wonder why i yearn for love so much.. is it becos i grown up in a environment thats lack of love or isit just plainly becos im an emotional individual that seek for emotions?..
my vision is really blur... but its really time i wake up!.. sighs.. 2 weeks + never been out to town or club.. i start to feel more "healthy".. last night was doing alot of thinking before i fell asleep.. i also tot of the "liver" thingy.. whereby too much alcohol will make ur liver harden and stop functioning.. starting to worry about my liver.. wonder how it is now after all the previous months of hard drinking..
sighs.. and although im a social smoker for the past while i also start worrying about my lungs status.. read many articles about lungs cancers and stuff on the net.. and well they say even if u smoke less it doesnt reduce ur rate of getting lung cancer.. so social smoker actually has the same rate as passive smoker in getting lung cancer and other illness.. sighs really wtf..
sighss....
its funny to think back.. how anti smoking i used to be.. and well its surprising that i already tried smoking.. hahas.. alot people ask me why i smoke.. becos they know im not a smoker type.. im sick of explaining to everyone so i will say it here..
after my ex broke up with me.. my self esteem was really low.. so low that i can do anything without much thoughts.. u know u can actually lose urself and become someone different when ur self esteem is at the lowest.. even having the courage to kill urself.. sighs.. at that point of time im offered to smoke.. so i did it.. my mentally at tat point was almost like trying to do anything to make myself feel better off and numb to the pain im feeling.. sighs...
like people said.. heart injuries are the most fatal and dangerous...
sighs when we're young we tend to do all sort of stuffs neglecting our health and things around us.. but when we grow old.. all these things that we had done to ourselves will start haunting us down.. cancers/illness will start torturing u.. sighs.. sometimes we really got to look far and think far and not just the present.. sighss.. life is short.. really got to make use of it..
