Friday, August 18, 2006
sighs.. just got up and ate abit of food.. sighs.. i woke up quite early actually.. but just keep forcing myself to go back to sleep.. becos onces im awake.. everything start pouring into me again.. its so hurting..
sighs.. last night i thought wat happened to darling.. cos she said she sms me after her movie.. but yet until 12+am she still nv sms me.. sighs.. i tot maybe she got scolded by her parents becos of wat i gave her?.. or maybe her parents go read wat i wrote in the card?.. i dont know wats going on.. so i can only randomly guess.. sighs.. i went to check on msn.. she wasnt online.. so it either means shes not home yet or shes was too tired and slept right after she got home.. anyway in the end.. i try to think that shes gone home and well she went to bed or so..
hais.. so i went to bed too.. im pretty worn out actually yesturday.. travelling around.. aniway when i woke up at 8+am then i saw her sms at 1:27am stating shes home.. at 1:40am then she sms me about the things i gave her..
although she still says hugs,love you,muacks.. and still calls me Baby.. but seriously im not happy even when i sees them.. becos the feeling from these words doesnt felt the same anymore.. i really feel that things is different.. darling imagine urself in my situation.. wat u would feel and think wouldnt be too far from wat im going thru now...
why did my darling suddenly changed into someone im so unfamiliar with.. only 2weeks past.. and everything became so different from how it was.. im really very sad.. my heart is hurting every second.. i cant concentrate on anything..
she doesnt use to smoke so much/often.. even if she does she normally wont write on her blog.. and she normally wont go out till so late in the night without telling me.. and now shes going back to clubbing?.. does she still know that she have a bf thinking of her?.. i seriously feel everything isnt same.. did she got influenced by her work friends or watever?.. or.......?
sighs but no matter wat.. shes still the selene i love.. i wont be mad at her just becos she turn out likedat now.. i can only hope that things will be back to normal soon.. everyday is so hard to get by for me now.. i really cant take it....
sighs.. or perhaps i shd try to change myself..
sighs but at the same time i dont even remember wats my life about anymore..
takecare..
totally heart brokened..
