my handphone beeped.. as i expected it was a message from my darling.. i guess shes home after her ktv.. its 11:30pm..

she said.. "Baby.. I leave a msg in your friendster. Go take a look.. Sorry."

when i saw this.. i felt very scared.. becos the last time she said this.. the message she wrote wasnt a nice one at all..

i was preparing myself for a breakup message but surprisingly it wasnt..

Date: Wednesday, 16 August, 2006 11:30 PM
Subject: Baby, im sorry

Message:

Baby I know i've hurt you once again. I made you disappointed in me.
Im really sorry.

Yesterday you so happily called me yet i talk to you in such a
down tone. I also dont know why. Hais. Maybe im just too tired
lers. never had any good sleep these days. Sorry.

Your exams is around the corner. Please focus and study hard
for it. Dont regret in future. Dont dissappoint your parents and
yourself..

I know be it i call you or sms you, you also wont be replying me.
im really sorry. I didnt want it to happen too de.

For now, just dont think of anything. Just focus on your studies.
That's most important okays? You take good care of yourself.

When you feel better or you wana find me ler then contact me
bahs. Im just focus on my job now. Dont because of all this affect
your studies please. I know you will have no mood to study but
no matter what, you still gonna try your best on it. Dont regret in
future again.

Jia you !

Hugs`

after reading this.. im touched.. onces again my dried eyes was filled with tears again.. im not a cry baby but im just overly emotional..

sighs although im happy.. my mind had two scene about this message..

good side: my darling is getting more understanding and wants to give me some personal space..
bad side: im not so important to her anymore..

watever side it is.. i still want to say..

thank you darling.. thanks for being such a sweetie to a lousy boyfriend like me.. /sob.. i hope u had a great time at ktv just now.. and i guess u probably smoked as well.. i wont restrict u if u want to smoke but please dont over smoke.. u know if i know i will be worried.. I promise u i will try my best in this upcoming exams!

lastly take care of yourself too.. where-ever u're i want you to know u're being missed by me..

please take good care of yourself.. /sob

although that message did reduce the hurt im going thru but it didnt manage to cure me totally.. im still feeling sad and painful.. the feeling of insecurity is driving me crazy.. its like im going to loose her anytime.. sighz..

i know that security is depending on me.. i shd be the one putting in effort as well.. but now.. im loosing confidences in myself.. im starting to feel that im not a good boyfriend at all.. i dont have the power to give her happiness.. and i really dont know how to be one.. i expect too much from myself when i cant live up to my own expectations.. i want to be a perfect boyfriend and i keep stressing myself trying to do things that im not ready to do yet.. its so xinku.... but i cant control it..

im breaking down... i suck big time.. /sob

- i hate cold blooded girls *
11:46 PM