Saturday, May 13, 2006
sighs.. wow.. its already may.. its amazing how time flies.. and i've known selene for about half a year.. so many things had happened in my life.. mostly is between me and her.. and i haven been blogging for months.. sighs.. cos sometimes really wonder wats the point of me writting them out here..
isit lazy or is it the feeling of hopeless.. or something else.. haiz.. aniway i dun wana disclose some of my life issues.. cos almost all were bad.. aniway the last big post was when i given up on selene.. yea.. but well after tat alot alot of things happened.. which i nv wrote.. so i guess if someone is reading my blog they wont gona know what happened.. becos its like a book with part of its pages torn out.. sigh.. aniway if i can still recall i will update on those missing pages when i got extra time..
well yesturday i had a quarrel with dar again.. partly due to my depression making me irritated easily.. but well its all becos of wat she wrote in her blog.. she got all pissed off becos i nv logout from maple.. i wanted to accompany her play and level but i was darn tired due to whole week of campus stress and insufficient rest.. i played with her until about 1+am then i was really struggling to keep myself awake.. yea i should go sleep.. but i wanted to level up also.. so i tried to hang on.. but well i couldnt stand it in the end and try to get a nap with my alarm set for activation in 15mins.. and i parked my character on a rope in the map which is almost 100% safe spot to me.. becos i afked there before and nv got attacked by any mobs.. but oh well who knows i went into a deep sleep without knowing and when i got up its 6am.. wtf.. so i went to check my computer.. seeing that my maple got disconnected from the server maybe due to lag or watever.. so i didnt bother and just quit the game and shut the pc.. and went to bed again.. before i went back to sleep i saw all the miss-calls and sms from dar.. all i can say is those sms didnt had very nice contents to me..
when i wokeup again at around near noon.. i went to check her blog and was not very pleased with wat she wrote.. she said she was dam pissed off at me for not quitting my character when i go sleep.. at that moment i was very unhappy becos 1st) i didnt wanted to sleep 2nd) even if i really went to sleep why cant i park in there.. and many other question shot me and i really felt shes so unreasonable.. why she got to get pissed off at me and write those things in her blog and also include screenshots somemore.. all becos i never log out of game?.. so i smsed her about it and we quarrelled.. over this crap.. she then told me cos shes afraid i will get killed.. but if she really care she also shdnt show this kinda attitude and anger.. how can u let the opposite feel that u're caring for him/her when u're saying u're very angry etc.. its just like our parents.. keep scolding/screaming at us.. yea its all becos they care.. but in the end.. on our side do we accept this kind of care?.. no we dont.. we find it a irritant instead right?.. its the same logic.. care can be shown in many ways.. but deffinitely not through scolding or being angry..
aniway after that i got totally no mood.. but well later on she called me and i answered.. she sounded like nothing happened.. so fine i also just pretend that nothing happened.. and she ask about going out with her.. well sighs actually dont want to go anywhere.. becos my depression is back and also cos we just had a quarrel only.. making me totally moodless, restless, moody and other mixed emotions.. but well i guess dar didnt understand.. and she really want to go out.. cos she say shes been slacking at home for so long.. haiz.. so well in the end i also went down..
starting was alright.. but well whenever it come to clothes.. she will always make me feel kinda unhappy.. becos watever i say nice.. she will say "eeeee" zzzzz.. watever i feel nice she will say suck and dont even wana touch/try it.. makes me feel totally retarded.. even if im her friend only then she keep saying "eeee" or other bad remarks on all the things i suggest i will also get fustrated lor.. somemore most of the time is she asking me to suggest de.. and not to mention im her boy friend.. how would i feel??.. next time im not going to suggest anymore becos this happens everytime.. and it sucks sometimes to see ur suggestion being turn down in such a way.. i mean she dont even try it on to see nice anot.. she just freak out at it immediately.. and most of the time she dont even tell me why she dont like it.. sighs.. nevermind..
aniway after tat i was pretty moodless.. becos my depression is still in me.. and such thing can just make me feel more moody/irritated.. sighs aniway went to KFC but i was having no appetitide then dar dont want to eat! zz make me angry.. cos i say i dun feel like eating then she dun want.. haix.. partly is cos KFC so dirty lor inside.. hais so in the end we walk till the food court.. then she go order her food.. i wait.. then somehow she manage to make me cheer up.. so my appetitide came back.. so i ate with her..
after tat i went to get a surprise for her.. which i've never done before to any girl in my life.. told her i had stomachach then i pretend to go toilet.. but went to get something for her.. but she made me damm stressed cos i ask her to sit in the food court finish her food first and wait for me.. but she went walking around!!.. gawd.. i almost tot this surprise gona get wreaked out by her again like valentine day.. but well lucky in the end the surprise was still alright.. not as good as i planned it would be cos she nv listen to me ><.. tats something i dont like abt her.. she always always dont listen to me!!.. ask her do something she always want to do opposite wat i want her to do.. grrr.. but nevermind.. this surprise was so rush for me lor even writting the card also write incomplete only wrote afew sentence.. bahss.. stress until i going mad.. tot she gona discover it.. sighs aniway hope she like wat i buy bahs..
after tat we went for movie.. watched "voice" hmm not really that great.. kinda complicated show.. after tat she went to mac to eat her ice cream.. and i also went home after sending her in the mrt station.. had to go home early cos sis fren comin to fix my pc cooling fan.. and wanted to ask him some informations regarding my pc.. sighs.. well but in the end my dar disappoint me.. she went to friend house.. till so late.. sighs.. im not angry with her going their house but just becos actually before that she wanted to come my hse.. and i also feel like letting her come.. but i tot she could only stay till like 4am again.. then like so rush or unbear again.. but i found out that she went home in the morning.. sighs.. nvm..
