Wednesday, May 17, 2006
hais.. just wokeup by my alarm not long ago.. still feeling so tired eventhough i slept earlier last night.. guess i had some dreams but cant seem to recall any onces i wokeup.. well checked my hp and saw a sms from my friend.. which my hp record to receive at 4:20am.. it was quite a long sms telling me to fight in the name of love.. and also said "A chance of lasting happiness is worth working hard for! =)" thanks.. i understand wat u're trying to bring across.. onces again thanks for the care u've given.. in despite of yourself being in a stress state trying to cope with your work..
well read dar's blog.. am shocked to see her writting about that again.. sighs.. dar if u feel that u can never forgive her can u at least dont keep bringing it up in ur blog.. just let this matter be forgotten can?.. well i dont know if u're really so persistent on breaking this friendship with her.. on the outside u really look like u hate her so much but in your heart only u urself know if u really bear to break this friendship.. sighs.. im not sure about this also bah.. becos i got no attitude.. well last time my good friends also keep contacting the girl i love and afew even ending up being her bf when they was "helping" me out with her.. yeah jeolousy and anger can be felt.. but wat to do.. cant expect me to wack my own friend or wat.. and wat would the girl i love feel? restricted, scared, dislike me and maybe more.. but well as long as shes happy wat for shd i break her up with my friend or forbid my friends from contacting her.. for me i just wont be able to do such thing i guess.. but well partly also becos i dont have much experiences with girls and especially relationship.. so such major incident didnt really happened in my life before..
thats why i find it hard to accept when u forbid ur sister from contacting me.. afterall we're just friends.. eventhough yea we were quite close.. but our close only limited to chatting in irc and didnt even call each other much.. not to mention we didnt even went out or meet up with each other at all.. and everytime we chat also about the problems in our relationship.. she would try her best to cheer me up whenever we quarrel.. sighs.. and now she get into such a big mess and lost u who's a great sister in her heart.. i feel really really guilty and terrible you know?.. if it wasnt becos of me she wouldnt had get into this.. sigh..
you tell me its not becos of me.. but cos she didnt keep her promise.. and cos she done this before already.. sighs but i just feel sad for her.. and now im still with u while she lost u totally.. this feeling is really disgusting to me u noe?.. its like i steal u away from her or wat.. and she might feel that i caused all these too and hate me for it.. sighz.. when we was contacting on irc.. we always feel so stress becos its like we're doing something in the dark.. but most of the time we try to find a perfect solution that can make everyone happy.. haiz..
i dont know how.. now she didnt contact me at all.. and i also didnt.. and it had been quite long already.. eversince u broke friendship with her.. even if we want to we also wouldnt dare.. so why are u still so pissed off.. haiz..
seriously i dont wan to talk to u about this anymore.. becos i feel that the more i try explaining to u.. the more pissed off u're with her.. and worst is i feel that u're starting to misunderstand the situation even more.. like wat u state in ur blog.. she did tell me that u're not happy with her contacting with me.. but we knew it.. the reason for our contact was becos we really treat each other as friends and till the end yea we're almost like bro and sis.. but its becos whenever we have unhappiness we would tell each other.. and help each other out.. we're nothing more then just caring for each other just like bro and sis.. but u just cant accept ur sis contacting with ur bf.. sighz.. i really dont understand.. but i dont wana bring it up further and cause even more unhappiness..
all i can say is.. from wat she shown me.. she look really devoted to u as a sister.. do u know she told me before that she will rather break friendship with me then to lose a sister she had known for years.. but in the end she was trapped inbetween friend and sis.. and i also trapped inbetween u and her.. while u keep forcing us to choose only one.. its like when ur close buddy and ur lover both fell into the sea.. who would u save?.. deffinitely u will want to save both right?.. if u tell me u only choose one when u might be able to save both then can u live in peace for the rest of ur life? sighz.. to me i really feel that she never do anything bad to u.. and she did respect that im ur bf.. she didnt flirt with me nor did she say any bad things about u.. not a single one.. she even support u and try to explain for u whenever i seek her for advise regarding our quarrels etc.. haiz.. u know to me i can feel that she cherish u alot as a sister.. becos i was like her before too.. cherishing all my best friends and brothers.. but in the end also got hurt by them and lost them..
sighz.. aniway im not trying to pick a fight with u again over this matter.. i just wana explain about it again..
aniway almost 9am already im going to prepare and go for school already.. parents keep nagging me go eat while im blogging.. fcking irritating tmd!.. haiz kk i go eat and prepare later on after school then i see if i got anymore to add on in this entry..
