Sunday, May 14, 2006
hais... pms is getting so serious.. no one can help me.. not even my gf.. actually i dont expect anyone to help.. i just hope everyone can be understanding and dont add on to my mood swing and stress.. but simple understanding like this not many can do it..
now in my life.. it seems like theres only one person im contacting.. yea its her.. but well.. for some reason i just cant get along well with her.. its not that im demanding or being unreasonable.. but to me shes the one that always making me upset.. she dont seem to realise about it.. even when i told her about them she will still repeat them.. i really dont know how..
hais.. so vexed.. why my gf dont even understand me.. and she expect me to understand her and sastify her in this relationship.. she think that shes the only one that suffering and like im the bad guy doing all the harm but did she reflect on herself? seriously to me i dont feel that im being a total asshole in this relationship.. i dont take relationship as a toy and im really serious in it.. im the kind of person that will treat opposite the way they treat me.. yes sometimes i will mia from even my best friends or so.. and yea maybe they dont deserve that kinda treatment.. but when im moodless i will just cut off myself from the rest.. and tend to isolate myself.. dont ask why becos these are one of the unexplainable things in life.. perhaps theres a reason in psychology terms..
sighx.. after the quarrel with my gf yesturday she admit its her fault and say sorry etc to me.. but why she always will repeat her mistakes over and over again.. why?? shes making me miserable sometimes.. why cant she listen to me.. sighs.. like just now in maple.. just becos of a buddy chat she can force me to remove those pple in my list.. she knew i wont be able to do so.. yet she force me to do it.. its really a pain u know.. yes shes my gf i do respect wat she say but my character is not able to do it.. im often trap between her and myself.. its really torturing.. if you love someone is this the way you treat them?.. sighs.. well different pple has different way of loving.. but at least on my side.. i will never force her to do anything she dont want.. i will respect and support her decision..
so wats the problem between her and me?.. its not becos of the mood swings thats causing all these nonsense but shes not loving/caring/understanding enough.. she wans me to give in to her and be like before.. but cant she do her part well first?.. else its really not easy on my side.. i sometimes dont feel the assurance of her love.. yea probably her love is dead.. and she no longer love me.. then whats going on now why do she still has to tell me she love me and such?.. if she really love me then i really expect her to show me she do.. now that i am trying to remove the shadow in my heart and love her like before.. but is she doing her part of amending her mistake to improve on our relationship?.. shes always saying that im not the same yc either.. well how can i be the same yc she knew after going thru all the hurts she had given me before.. can i pretend that nothing had happened before.. that she chose eric and later on she regret and come back?.. imagine this happen to u and please tell me u can pretend that nothing happen.. if u can do the same then let me know.. but right now im already trying to forget all the past.. so let not talk about those.. the current problems isnt about other guys.. well its how u're treating me.. can u tell me that u've been understanding/reasonable/caring/loving towards me?.. please think and tell me u've shown me ur love and tell me that im the one thats making all these unhappiness..
im so lost.. so messed up and shattered.. bit and pieces of me floating around.. wat shd i do.. sighz.. am i so hard to understand or is she not trying hard enough.. am i being unreasonable and not understanding in this relationship?.. please reflect on yourself.. sighs.. she always give me false hope sometimes and i really hate it.. meaning saying something and never do it.. and she really give me that kind of feeling.. just like she say she love me.. but wat exactly did she do to love me.. please think deeply.. dont look on the outer shell.. wat am i to her?.. really someone that she cant live without?.. or wat?..
if you really love someone.. would u pick a quarrel with him/her when shes not feeling emotionally well?.. right now im so depressed.. but why i feel like shes not giving a shit about me.. oh well she did tell me virtually dont be upset etc.. but after that message.. it seems like she totally forgotten about her bf is emotional.. and she wont even bother to care much nor understand.. and still pick on things and such..
the only time i can feel her love and care is when she took care of me.. tats the only time she really showed me.. actions prove louder then words.. and thats the reason why my feelings for her regained.. but after i almost recovered.. she changed again.. sighs.. why cant she be that caring loving girl everyday.. and not someone that always oppose me and stuffs..
sighz.. is this the way she treat all her bf?.. i dont think so.. becos last time the way she treat eric was much sweeter.. but yea tat time eric was rather restrictive on her and such.. but i didnt.. and now how she treat me?.. i dont feel loved and im sure she wont be able to feel much of my love either becos she didnt even show me..
yes im a emotional freak and its hard to cheer me up maybe.. but if u're my gf.. u shd at least understand and leave me alone when needed.. and not keep pressing hard on me.. its fine if u never show me concern but the least i would expect is stop picking quarrel with me at such moments when im needing attention and care not adding on to my emotions..
