Wednesday, May 24, 2006
dots.. my gf love to scold me as u all can see on the tagboard.. -.-".. im just so worthless to get scolded always wth.. not only my parents but even my gf.. yea yea im not just only a lazy bum for not updating my blog but im also a retarded person.. kays!.. when was the last time someone sincerly praised me or say something nice?.. i dont even know.. and well maybe thats one of the reason why im still playing games till today (although i haven been playing much these months).. becos u'll get praised in game for being good or pro etc.. and also sometimes u can find truely caring people through games.. just like thru ragnarokonline i met kyozame, raina and rose.. the kind of concern they show isnt just surface but its deep and u can feel that they really care about u.. not just saying for the sake of saying but they meant wat they said.. its this kind of sincerity that matters the most.. but sadly in life.. its hard to have someone sincerly praising u and seriously concern about u.. but yes there're quite alot of cases of true friendships/brotherhood/sisterhood.. but sadly im not the fortunate one..
sorry im not trying to act childish or retarded.. but i just feel that wats life about if theres no support/concern/love at all.. im grown up in a family whom no one bothers to support me since i was borned.. watever i do/try is wrong.. and until now its still the same rules.. for someone like this i really appreciate any support/concern my friends or anyone can give.. but sadly until today i cant really see anyone sincerly doing it.. is it becos im numb or becos im heart-dead or becos i was borned to have no one supporting/caring..
aniway cut this crap.. i've nothing much to blog about my life rather then the same old emo crap which i dont wana repeat.. else im going to get blame for blogging only bad moments.. but seriously how much happy moments there're in my life...
just that recently i have been really busy with school work.. when i get home i just feel like taking a break off everything.. just like today whole day in campus drilling knowledge into my brain from 9 to 5pm.. sighx.. next wednesday has FIT lab test.. goshs.. and today in lab we're like so lost.. my classmates also care about themselves only.. no one willing to teach..
sighs.. then during OSN lab.. i almost crack my brain out too.. figuring all the commands etc.. and follow up with tutorial when i have to crack my brain again upon two confusing maths related questions.. goshx.. and thinking of tomorrow makes me bored.. full day of lectures.. sighx.. by the way X-men3 out tomorrow man!.. deffinitely full house.. i guess i will watch it afew days later.. well dont think my gf would like to watch it.. cos she hate action shows.. which has no explaination upon.. so oh well.. i also dont know if im going to watch it..
aniway today is chengju's birthday.. he told me his family is going to celebrate with him tonight.. so i hope hes having fun right now.. happy birthday dude!..
sighs.. recently.. i've been having lunch break alone.. and everytime after i finish my lunch i will start to think about my life.. and many things.. sighs.. in school i dont have any real friends except maybe derek whom i get to meet during certain lessons on certain days.. well knew him since year1.. last time he used to be a fag.. but now somehow hes better.. i dont know if i treat him as a real friend.. and neither do i know if he treat me as one.. but we just hang around whenever we've same lessons.. in poly its really hard to read wat other pple are thinking.. but all i can say is since year1.. i've seen most friends being friends only in school.. after school u seldom will hear from them anymore.. its that kinda pattern.. and most of them only sticks to those that has benefits.. all i can say is hypocrites is everywhere in poly!.. i cant be sure if other courses are as bad but i can be sure in engineering.. almost all are likdat.. haiz..
derek shared with me quite alot of his views in life.. and well again i feel that wat he said is true but i just couldnt change myself.. no matter how many pple or advise i hear i just couldnt change.. and its the feeling of fighting against urself thats making life really miserable.. its so shit up and irritating everyday..
sighss.. dun feel like blogging anymore too much emo.. i might not even know what im blogging.. so thats all for now..
