Monday, January 09, 2006
sighs.. just got back from campus.. today i duno why i was so tired.. i slept until 9:50am.. until my mum's series of yelling woke me up.. i was dreaming i remembered.. but now i forgotten wat it was about.. at that point of time i really wish i can continue to sleep and dream on.. but oh well i had no choice but got to attend my FCS practical lab.. sighs...
well im surprised to see that i got big eye bags.. bah.. must be the lack of sleep.. aniway i hurried changed.. brushed.. washed.. and ran to school without having breakfast and with my hair un-waxed.. only wet it with water.. -.-".. fck like a retard.. by the time i got school was already around 10:10am.. bahhs.. everyone was in there and starting on the lab work.. then i went and sit with melvin and started the pair work with him..
then my lab lecturer.. also the module leader.. she ask how i find the FCS common test paper.. oh well i was speechless.. cause i noe i didnt really studied hard enuff for it.. sighs.. then i also duno wat to say.. sigh but she noe i nv study i guess.. sighs.. then her look already tell me i failed.. haha.. expected when i sat for the paper.. sighs.. then she say why i late etc.. sigh bah she still ok lor she didnt really scold just say nicely to me.. but oh well i kinda paiseh cos in that class all of my classmates are pro and all aim for A's one.. im the only slacker in there bah.. sighs..
aniway we did 2 labs today cos the lecturer going on training next week.. so no lab next week and we have to do next week's lab in this week as well.. sighs.. but with melvin's help we managed to get it done at around 11:45am..
hais.. so now im back.. still feeling so lost and miserable.. actually last night i also didnt sleep so early.. i slept at around 3am.. cos i cant get to sleep.. keep thinking of her.. but when she called me.. i duno why i dun dare to pick up.. sighs.. she called me at ard 9:26pm.. and got her gdnight sms at 2:02am.. sigh although i really miss her and wana talk to her.. but yet deep inside me i dun feel like answering it.. anyone know why?.. i dont know.. i just know that if i answer it.. i might feel even more pain then i already feeling.. sighs.. i really cannot stand it.. well i guess u guys reading this also confused.. why i suddenly became likedat?.. oh well cos i have yet to write wat happen last week.. maybe when i write out my feelings last week.. u all would have a better understanding about my feelings now..
sighs.. wat am i doing?.. just couldnt stop thinking of her.. its like shes everything now.. i wana erase it also cant.. wtf!!.. arhhz.. im feeling so so miserable.. bahhs!!.. everything is putting a weight on me.. the kind of feeling i feel is so undescribable..
sighs.. love could brings a person everlasting happiness but it also can bring everlasting hurt and pain.. i just wonder why fate is always playing on me.. since the first day i fall in love.. i've been so stuck up.. wheres the problem?.. i've always wanted to be a perfect guy in anyway i can to everyone.. but i seem to always fail in it.. friends dont cherish me.. nor any girls i love actually accepted me.. oh fuck my life.. its so miserable..!! why isit that only hypocrites and bad guys always get the best out of life while those better off people gets all the shit and pain of life.. do i really have to force myself to change into a total jerk bastard asshole to make my life better?!.. dammit!!... when can i actually be happy and blog something nice saying oh i am so fucking happy and i've got the greatest blessing of my life.. fuck it..
although people always say.. our life is being controlled by ourself and not by fate.. but i feel that no matter how i tried to change my life.. its still the same.. hurts and misery just keep coming one after another.. and the more i try the more hurts i seem to get.. sighz.. im really sick of it.. i'll write more about my feelings soon.. sighs im mentally exhausted to carry on with it.. bye...
