Thursday, January 12, 2006
after these few days of mia.. im starting to understand some facts and wat i shd be doing.. mm.. think this time i really might be changing my characteristic.. but well im not sure if i would succeed.. becos i've failed trying before.. oh well.. but i know if i change.. i would maybe be a happier guy.. but its just a "maybe".. till i've proven it..
aniway.. thanks for all the advises u all had given me on the tag board.. although among there i felt some sacastic remarks from xiaofeng but well i try to understand wat she might be feeling.. perhaps shes too stress with her 3 jobs and looking at my pathetic blog its kinda normal that she might over react or flare up.. i must admit i was really pissed off at that moment upon reading wat she typed.. but oh well now thinking back.. i wont wana take it to heart.. as it wont do any good to anyone.. i'll just treat it as nothing.. aniway sorry too for saying some harsh remarks back to u.. hope u can forgive me.. i just hope u understand wat i am going thru at that period of time..
i've been thinking of alot of things now.. on how to improve my life.. and well this painful experience selene had given me will make me remember even clearer on how painful and deadly heart injuries can be.. i'll take it as another lesson learnt.. and next time i will try my best to make sure that i wont fall for another girl that will break my heart again..
i've also decided to kill off the feelings i had for her.. i dont know how to murder "love" but anyhow i must try my best to do so.. becos she had already showed me her answer which i've been waiting for all the while.. so well since her decision had been made.. i also have to make my decision now.. which is to give up totally and slap myself out of this dream.. "Wakeup Yc!" dont dream anymore!.. ur just a toad wishing for a angel to fall on you.. hahahaha.. funny man.. i have to wake up from my stupid day dreams seriously lols.. oh well i know that no matter how much i forget.. theres still gona be a bit of the love remaining in my heart.. but i'll just bury it up with all the other hurts i've gotten in my life.. in the "hurt's cemetry" lol... oh well at least im laughing now.. no more sorrows and sadness dude! xD..
but life's weird.. sometimes the best girl might be just infront of u.. but u just wont fall in love with her yet u would fall in love with those that will split u apart.. oh well maybe i can blame it on my inexperiences in relationships.. i will try to learn more about it.. everyone gain knowledge thru sufferings.. as the sentence "no pain no gain" come about..
i guess i will resume my clubbing life becos its the only time i can relax and meet up with my clubbing friends.. eventhough i know i would still see selene.. and im sure she and eric will be dancing happily together.. although we always say as long as the other party is happy we would be.. but actually we're just lying about it.. yea people might say we're stupid.. giving away wat we want so easily and not even fighting for it.. but oh well.. like wat pple said.. "if shes meant to be urs.. no matter wat she would be".. fighting for it might only bring misery to all the parties involved and make things worst.. i also realized that jeolousy cant be avoided.. and everyone is born with it.. i guess im wrong shihui mei.. to always say that ur so jeolous and over reacted.. but i believe that jeolousy has different stages.. slight to extreme.. i think im more of between slight to medium.. i can be jeoloused.. but most of the time i just hide it in my heart.. but if people understand me.. they can read it out from my face..
i guess those that know me must have been shocked by all my post recently.. becos on the outside im always smiling.. gentle.. semi quiet.. person.. and laugh like a retarded at times.. but even i myself also feel that in my blog.. im a different person.. it seems that i became a mad vulgaric looser here.. oh well becos i released most of my feelings and thoughts which i dont in reality.. and if i dun have this blog to write it out perhaps i would had gone crazy as i duno how to express myself..
im sorry people that i've made u all worried.. i hope that history wont repeat again.. and thanks again for spending ur precious moments to read thru my boring post..
aniway now i just wana think of my pretty coolie lvl92 Monk Kyozuke. !! =D.. so smexy, kawaii and deadly.. hees.. his my best friend.. always there for me when i need him hahaha.. /meh.. kekeke.. Raina if ur reading this.. pls help me get to 99!!.. i want a Champion!!.. :p.. and u must change into a sexy High priestess too (^.^)-v .. lalala.. and btw thanks again raina for always helping me to vend off my stuffs.. thankkieess ^^x.. /mehhh....
<3 RagnarokOnline.. <3 Valiance of Figaro.. thanks people for all the fun u all given me in game to help me forget about my worries.. <3 u Raina for always being there for me in game... <3 uuu.. muack!..
