Saturday, December 24, 2005
sigh.. just woke up and got my breakfast.. kns.. wat i had for breakfast wasnt really appealing to me.. :x eww.. aniway got to eat.. haix.. then dad ask me eat papaya again.. kns!.. i really hate fruits >:( .. cos always got forced to eat.. grrr..
aniway today ish sat liao.. so fast!.. one week is gona end.. next week last week then common test liao.. sighx.. i guess the next week ima try to force myself sit down and study liao.. so maybe no more going out next week.. sighs.. ysturday whole day at home again.. then selene go mu celebrate her ai ren eric de birthday.. shuang lor.. while i at home so bored.. but even if she ask me go i also duno if i would.. cos feeling moodless as usual.. haiz..
kinda thinkin of it.. fate is like playing a prank on me again.. the last girl i fall for.. was also around my study break holidays.. this time around its again.. haix.. anyway the whole thing is like happening again.. makes me feel so pathetic.. seriously i dont noe wat to do.. should i just give up now to stop further hurts?.. seriously i dont noe wat she's thinking.. sometime i feel like she like me.. but sometimes not.. im very confused.. makes me really feel like giving up and kill off the feelings i already had for her before it grow deeper..
seriously i think loving someone shouldnt have doubts.. if u have feelings mean have.. no means no.. no can never become yes while yes can never become no.. in this yes no situation there can be changes but only when something bad happened.. else this 2 choices should be very clear to both parties.. dragging only makes it worst.. but well i cant blame anyone.. cos i myself will also hesitate in choosing.. its becos i always wan to find the most "ideal" girl friend.. and stick to one forever.. i dont like the idea of flirting around and break and break with girls.. im not so energetic and free like those guys that flirts and always thinking of how to "xian" new girls..
haiz.. sian.. today xmas eve leh.. why am i feeling so down and shitty.. i feel like going town and go nuts with those bangala's in orchard spraying shit around.. but yet i dont feel the motivation to get out of my house.. the kind of mia feeling is starting to surface.. but i seriously hope it wont happen again.. becos i promised alot pple that i wont mia again.. sighs.. can only hope that i dun have major depression again..
tonite i guess alot pple will be going down mu bah.. but i also no mood likdat.. haiz.. tonite need to pay cover.. wat i worry is later inside super packed.. then very sian liao.. cant enjoy.. aiya.. duno leh.. and thinkin of the fact that the whole town will be flooded with pple i also like very sian likdat.. >.<.. sighx.. see how tonite bahs!..
