Thursday, June 09, 2005
hais.. tired again!.. in such a early morning tmd.. i just went to campus just now 9-10am for 1hr of pathetic lecture.. later 1pm have to go back for lecture and lab again till 4pm.. then ard 4:30pm got to meet WISP members to do the project.. holy crap man!! so bored....
hais.. just read jr mei's blog.. lol first time i see she write such a long post.. thought she dun like to write long stuffs one haha.. aniway she good sia say i cut hair liao look like ah gong.. pengs!!! piff...
hais.. trying to forget about someone.. this person should know who she is.. i feel so tormented if i dun kill off this feeling for her.. its worst then sandwiched or wat..
she said "sheep in a tiger mouth" .. i understand wat she mean.. but hais for me its hard to forget someone.. i wish i had STM like her.. who knows she will just forget me soon while i continue to drown in emotions.. sigh anyway she seem happy nowadays.. im glad to see this.. afterall wat really important is not me.. but her.. as long shes happy its okay... no point screwing everything up just to make myself happy.. i rather i be the only one suffering.. haiss..
i hate to get into a emotional state.. thats when all my emotions came in.. depression!! haiss..
she nv call me for 2 days and i was thinking about her.. maybe missing her ?.. but why ? i duno.. hais.. last night my hp rang when i was on my bed after dinner.. ard 8+pm i think.. i tot it was her.. becos it was a private number.. i picked up and it was huiting.. although a little disappointed i still chatted with her.. then around 9+pm she called.. i was kinda happy.. at first but somehow the more i talk the more depressed i felt.. maybe its cos of wat she said.. before tat i told huiting it was her on the second line then she sound abit pissed off likdat.. i duno why also.. she said go talk to her lor dun talk to me.. i was like wth? hais.. i also duno wat to do.. why must i always be caught in this kinda situation.. i tot huiting will understand.. its like a force pulling me from 2 directions.. its tearing me apart.. im going crazy!
sighs.. sad.. after awhile she had a second line so we put down the phone.. after tat i continue to lay on my bed with the dim cardboard light brightening up the room.. and listening to 91.3FM.. just nice they were having sms dedications.. i sent in a entry.. and waited but that bastard never read it out.. pifff.. sighs.. i somehow listen to the dance tracks that were being played and fell asleep.. but i woke up in the night again many times.. just cant have a good rest.. i woke up many times and the last time i woke up was around 6am.. then i faster force myself to sleep.. cos only 2 hrs left then i have to wake up..
when my mum call me up it was around 8:30am.. then i still feeling so tired.. damit man.. i was so pissed.. why i cant sleep well at night then i have to feel so sleepy and restless in the day.. why cant i just have a good rest! fuck my head.. haisss!! yea.. like wat jr mei was saying mental breakdown is good.. she still curse i faster have one.. such a evil mei i've got hais... i wish i could just die off.. or lock myself in my room and just seperate myself from the outside world.. hais..
k.. i go take a nap.. a long afternoon up ahead.. im feeling so dead man.. dun have the energy that a youth should be having.. like im a old hagged.. kaoz! irritated.. wish i could just delete everything thats bothering me just like how simple you would delete something on the desktop.. but i know tats impossible..
why is my love life so complicated?.. i tot i already swear to lock this gates that helds the love emotions.. why did it get unlocked again? why?!?!?..........
I close my eyes close the door. I won't worry anymore I've been waiting for you every day and every night Cut the light, let it flee. I don't wanna be afraid I've been waiting for you Tonight it is right, stars shine bright I just really wanna be with you I celebrate pray for the day When all my wishes will be coming true I think of you every day, I've been waiting for a call Just the sound of your voice anytime and anyway Dream of you since that day When I saw you the first time at the Hardrock Cafe Tonight it is right, stars shine bright... I close my eyes close the door, I won't worry anymore I've been waiting for you...
