Tuesday, March 22, 2005
sian just eaten my breakfast.. woke up at 9+am still feeling moodless and kinda tired.. although i slept alot.. i was on my bed since evening then got up for dinner.. after that i went back to my room and lay on my bed.. thinking of lots of stuffs.. there seem to be so many problems that i just cant remove them from my thoughts..
after that i thought of meeting someone whom smsed me... but duno why i didnt.. although i dialed the number twice, i cancelled them before they could ring.. duno why.. sighs..
maybe i should find a girl friend to make my life meaningful again.. i still remember how my life was once meaningful before.. but.. thinking of wat might happen i dun dare to wish for this miracle to happen.. stead reminds me of the horrible hurts i used to had whereby i dont even wish to stay alive to feel it.. just like a wound sliced by a cursed sword.. would never heal but bleeds.. sighs.. i admit i need a girl to care and love for me just like any other normal guy.. but yet im trying to avoid this all the time.. cos when i dont avoid it i get hurt.. sighs... its true that all relationship will have hurts yet im afraid of being hurt? i had enough of the years of tormenting by hurts.. its hell!! Aww.. i already lost all the confidence i used to had for relationship.. i asked myself a lot of times whether am i just having no luck with it or is this my fate?
when i see perfect girls with a guy that look not so great i felt that its rather demoralizing.. am i worst then that guy? how come he can do it but i cant.. maybe hes got a sweet mouth which i must admit i dont really know how to sweet talk nor am i am very good with words.. but its so unfair.. just becos i dont know how to talk like how those guys do.. i have to go through all these misery.. girls seem to prefer guys whom are very good with words even if they are out to flirt.. well.. maybe thats life.. just like how the working life is now.. no diploma u will surely loose your stand..
many times i thought that i should be a flirt also.. since im getting tortured for being sincer and devoted.. but well i just cant do it.. being a flirt you need to be heartless.. cos you will be hurting girls.. this is something i cant do it.. i know the feeling of being hurt.. it sucks! ill rather remain to be hurt instead of hurting others to achieve something.. sighs..
anyway i fell asleep at around maybe 11+pm after all the deep thoughts..
